How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Discussion
 pipTalk Lounge
 The Serenity Garden   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  ]
 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Ron   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

The Serenity Garden (journal part II)

  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 08-31-2001
Posts 14673
just out of reach


50 posted 07-05-2004 03:03 PM       View Profile for Nightshade   Email Nightshade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nightshade's Home Page   View IP for Nightshade

Raph - I have had many of those weekends in the past myself.  Never watched movies,...played the heck out of my Jane Oliver album (yes an LP...on the stereo record player)though. Sobbing and sipping Southern Comfort and a touch of grenadine. Good Lord how depressed I would become! And a little tipsy too.
  Then, I would get a terrible headache and have to have a Tylenol and make some toast with peanut butter to sop up the booze.
  Ah, yes, lost loves. I think it hurt even more so because from age 17 to 30, I was married to my highschool sweetheart. Sweetheart-Meathead.  So, when we split and I started to date again..groan...I was taken for a fool as quick as you can say LOSER!!! But, life goes on. Make the best of it. Come here and I'll give you an understanding
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 06-08-2002
Posts 5670
Jacksonville, Florida, USA


51 posted 07-05-2004 04:03 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

  I told him last night I did not feel like talking to him for awhile. And if he did e-mail me not to mention the word "girlfriend". See he wants us to try and be friends. But it is hard when is your ex. I don't know what the heck to do. All I can think of is not talk to him for awhile.

Cold hands means a warm heart

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


52 posted 07-05-2004 09:25 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

pink floyd records and other substances for me. thanks chris
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


53 posted 07-06-2004 01:50 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I'm not qualified to talk about "lost loves," I'm afraid.

I consider love an energy, and to my way of thinking, energy can be diverted, but not lost.

Every time I've loved, I have weighed the checks and balances, and I like to think I've always come out "in the black" for the experience.

Loves are never lost--they are transformed.

I don't consider any investment of love as a lost cause, and no regrets either. I just figured if it didn't work out, then it was meant to work out the way that it is NOW---it took me a long time for me to understand that I didn't have to express my love in a sexual capacity--that love can be and is expressed in many ways.

*  *  *

As for romance?

Maybe it's like a puppy. Love comes to you all fresh and new and full of bounce and energy, but so new, so wonderful, the inconveniences are endearing.

New love can be very unruly, but it's that very unpredictable quality that we call "fresh" and new.

A matter of perspective, I suppose.

I read somewhere that the glow of love, the tolerance and discovery that this particular author described as insanity, tends to wear off--and she even gave an estimated time allotment of three years.

Wear off? I shake my head. I don't think that's accurate.

Naw. Puppies grow--they change--and love does too.

After a few years, there is a more familiar dance between the two--not always easy-- and a look conveys the all of the words, but even just the vibe is enough to convey the tone. A simple "sense of air" is enough to ruin an evening. I can judge by the angle of my husband's shoulders when he walks in the door if he's going to be "present" during our evenings, or add my voice to the nastier list of "things to do" in his mind--and add me to the list of things he'd rather not have in his life.

Now that hurts.

There's an adjustment period, and a bit of emotional trade off, I think.

*  *  *

She asks:

"Where the hell have you been?"

as she thinks

"Thank God/dess You're HOME."

as he defends

"I'm gone so I can care for YOU."

(okay, she thinks, "yeah sure, so where's my side of buffalo?)

but she optimistically hopes, that somewhere inside he is also thinking:

"Thank God/dess You're HERE."

but then there's the dishes in the sink and the towels on the floor, the mail is a pile of bills and the water heater is busted, and they're distracted by the annoyances yet again, sometimes amplified by the attempt to find the middleground.

*  *  *

It gets even more complicated too. Add marriage to the relationship and you get more questions, of vows and character, and the "do you love me's?" multiply as you yourself grow and change, and the definition of love changes (or expands), so that even that simple question changes to voice the insecurity of "do you really love me?"

Then there's just agreeing on what constitutes good sex.



Which brings me to this--

Add children to the equation and you get a bag of tricks, filled with the ghosts of childhoods. One is bad enough. Now there are two. And they have to be blended and synchronized. Traditions are challenged and re-arranged, and the hauntings of bad experiences keep mucking about. Things you thought you'd forgotten are resurrected as you live through the moments of your own childbeing inside, while you learn parenting, challenging the memories of your own, and understanding the why's of your own upbringing, and re-living the pain of loss for something you can never replace. You find yourself overcompensating in some areas, and under estimating signifigance in others. And you make up the applications of all you know as you go along too, because just like "they" always said, you truly don't understand until you have your own.

And as for regrets of dreams--think about it. You had expectations and dreams about you and this person, and you've had to let go of that. Those dreams made you happy for awhile, so naturally, you feel bad knowing that those dreams will not be realized.

It's grief, sweetie. (or withdrawals)

Feel it, understand it, and let it pass.

All will be well.

*  *  *

But if I may paraphrase a favorite comedian, Steven Wright--

"You can't have everybody--where you would put 'em?"



iliana
Member Patricius
since 12-05-2003
Posts 13488
USA


54 posted 07-06-2004 04:54 AM       View Profile for iliana   Email iliana   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for iliana

Karen, I like what you had to say about love so much, I'd like to copy it and send it to my daughter who is thinking about moving in with her boyfriend.  May I?  You speaketh the truth, lady.  (Don't ask what I'm doing up so late tonight....yes, ma'am, I'm going to bed now.)
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


55 posted 07-06-2004 07:01 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I apparently missed what Raph originally posted...and I'm sorry I did, because it seems to be pulling out a lot of good revelations/responses...

but for now, suffice to say...I need a new puppy.  
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


56 posted 07-06-2004 08:00 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

ah...jo, you know you didn't even have to ask, lady! and yip yip to Kari too!

Hugs to all--I'm looking at that sun shining outside and wondering, why don't I just sleep till noon?

Summertime in New Orleans is a really great time to be nocturnal.

Wish me luck!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


57 posted 07-06-2004 12:39 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

i was reading through...and serenitys response about marriage and love got me to thinking...and unfortunately im not as eloquent as she is...but the universe knows "ive lived what she's saying"...im going to put some lyrics here of a song that holds me through these times...Love and relationships are such an intricate deeply affecting part of life....and im still wearing training wheels...and damn, it hurts.
but one thing i know for sure, gotta believe in me...just gotta believe

these lyrics are by Tracy Chapman:
```````````````````````````````````
I was a pretty young girl once
I had dreams I had high hopes
I married a man he stole my heart away
He gave his love but what a high price I paid
And all that you have is your soul

Why was I such a young fool
Thought I’d make history
Making babies was the best I could do
Thought I’d made something that could be mine forever
Found out the hard way one can’t possess another
And all that you have is your soul

I thought thought that I could find a way
To beat the system
To make a deal and have no debts to pay
I’d take it all take it all I’d run away
Me for myself first class and first rate
But all that you have is your soul

Here I am waiting for a better day
A second chance
A little luck to come my way
A hope to dream a hope that I can sleep again
And wake in the world with a clear conscience and clean hands
’cause all that you have is your soul

Oh my mama told me
’cause she say she learned the hard way
Say she wanna spare the children
She say don’t give or sell your soul away
’cause all that you have is your soul
Don’t be tempted by the shiny apple
Don’t you eat of a bitter fruit
Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a world of truth
’cause all that you have is your soul
`````````````````````````````````````````

Many of us know these words as if they were taken from a page of our own journels.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


58 posted 07-06-2004 12:59 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I love that song.
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 06-08-2002
Posts 5670
Jacksonville, Florida, USA


59 posted 07-06-2004 01:26 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

Thanks for the help. Anyways, I am more worried about my mom than love problems right now. It seems like symptoms keep on popping up left and right. And I want to say thank you for your prayers.
Oh yeah I went to a beautiful wedding last weekend. My friend Kimberly got married. It was fun at the reception too.

Cold hands means a warm heart

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


60 posted 07-06-2004 01:47 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

seren, somehow, just somehow i knew...you would know that song too
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


61 posted 07-06-2004 08:26 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I'm just having the crummiest day.

You ever have one of those days, and you feel guilty admitting it, knowing others have it much worse?

I was just humming that old Lennon/McCartney song, "It's Getting Better All The Time"--trying to make myself believe it.

Then I get to the part where they echo,
"can't get much worse" which reminded me that John Lennon came up with that line.

hmm.

Sure it can.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


62 posted 07-06-2004 09:04 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I'm just having the crummiest day.

You ever have one of those days, and you feel guilty admitting it, knowing others have it much worse?

~&~

Get OUT of my mirror!

Yep.  Me too.

And was just wondering to whom I could tell it, and know I wasn't whining...just being honest.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


63 posted 07-06-2004 09:45 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Well, another time, I would have said, forget the wine, bring on the cuervo...

sigh.

me and Jose' used to be likethis.



Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


64 posted 07-06-2004 10:06 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Honey...we've got both.  May I pour?

Sigh.

But it's not helping, and nothing like that really does, except to make things seem just a bit lighter, for just a small moment, before the sledge hammer hits.

~*~

Examining “Happy”

In short, these are synonyms of “happy”:  content, pleased, glad, joyful, cheerful, high spirits, blissful, exultant, ecstatic, delighted, cherry, jovial, cloud nine…

Don’t they make you smile?

They SOUND agreeable.  Of course, that could simply be Pavlov’s theory that we know they are, so we affix a face or time, or moment, to such words.

I am examining such because I wonder why it is, I can be all of this away from home, but seem to have a need to dismiss or lose it once I enter “the house”.

And that, my friends, is very sad.  Now, synonym-wise, there are not as many meanings or equations for the word “sad”.  That makes me “happy”.  Sad SHOULD be on a short leash.  Heaven knows, why would we want more synonyms to equate sad, when we have so many that would give us just the opposite?

And that brings us to short leashes.

Why is it, when we give someone we love, or once loved, and are living with, because it’s “easier” than calling it quits…Why, when we give them what they want…THEY cannot find their own happiness in their own desires?

I believe freedom is one of the ultimate gifts a man can give a woman, and vice versa.  Ultimate freedom comes with its own ties, you see.  To have that gift, means, I love you enough for you to make the choices you will make; and if you come back to me, you love me; and if you don’t, you loved me once.

Enter, the butterfly.  A butterfly could never live with chains.

Enough said.

Serenity? One more very humble, very appreciative, thank you....for giving me a place to just "be".
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


65 posted 07-06-2004 11:00 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I keep backspacing here.

Sad? sigh. I'm pretty damned depressed for such a short word.

Hugs, Kari.

Congratulate me--the house is coming along so nicely--it doesn't even look like a prison.

I think I need to just take my foul mood and go channel surfing a bit.

Maybe some Joey Campbell on DVD. THAT always makes him go away. *snicker*

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 06-08-2002
Posts 5670
Jacksonville, Florida, USA


66 posted 07-06-2004 11:14 PM       View Profile for the_loner_23   Email the_loner_23   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_loner_23

I have been in a fairly good mood all day. But I could still use a drink if you think it would help my stomach. LOL But today is the calmest I have felt in like a month. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........

Cold hands means a warm heart

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member
since 04-11-2004
Posts 421
Earth


67 posted 07-07-2004 01:12 AM       View Profile for sweet_cute_palestinian04   Email sweet_cute_palestinian04   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sweet_cute_palestinian04

hey i made it in lol,serenity blaze  thanks for ur  very kind heart sis...im soo glad to meet a person like u!!

i will love it ... of courseeeeeee


Fate is what controls the world so just let it go and I PROMISE YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


68 posted 07-07-2004 01:52 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Am I in the right line-up for anti-depressants?  I am in the same headspace Karen, but at least I think I have a handle on what may be causing mine now.  Willow died on July 10th and my son reminded me I get "weird like this" at about the same time every year for the last two years, so I guess I am normal?   I have been crying about  something, but what it was I had no idea. LOL  I am sure into the whine myself, and got all hissy cause I thought, now where is everyone when it is I that need them?  No where that is where.  I stopped myself sending out an email to all my friends telling them to continue to leave me alone like they have been, if that makes sense   I too am going to take a round out of the converter I guess, and hope this passes soon.  Oh!  I love that song too, love Tracey Chapman period.  Just try to ignore me, I go away.  Night.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


69 posted 07-07-2004 03:36 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

y'know something? I didn't even think about that (consciously) but yer onto something there.

This July marks the third year anniversary of my Dad's death and my father-in-law's.

AND?

tomorrow I go see an internist as I continue my quest to discover just why Karen swells. (and with my Dad? It all started with at the internist's.)

But you knew that.

Yer not so ditzy, Sharon, but it's nice "cover."  



love you canuck.

Now maybe I can sleep?

(serenity looks both ways)

after an illegal popsickle maybe...  


Okay. That accounts for SOME swelling, but that I know about! giggle?

chompchompchomp
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


70 posted 07-07-2004 03:57 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

A word for Mysteria:

From Weird and Wonderful Words edited by Erin McKean--

"widdendream an obsolete Scottish word meaning 'in a state of confusion or mental disturbance', often in the phrase in a widdendream."

serenity squints. (note to self: eye doctor too)

OH.

"From an Old English phrase meaning 'in mad joy.'"

okay. Not as applicable as I thought, but still kinda interesting.

(Now ya'll see how this insomnia stuff works, eh, folks?)

Okay, I'm going, I'm going, already.

Nite Gracie.  
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


71 posted 07-07-2004 04:22 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Nite Gracie, happy widdendreams.  Would make more sense if it was widdledreams but who am I to argue with the Scottish? Insomnia, ah I know her well.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


72 posted 07-07-2004 06:45 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Big hugs on the house coming along, m'dear...
everyone deserves a makeover... ...

and Mysteria?  Yep, those kind of anniversaries can sneak up and getcha...

now, to tackle yet another day...
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


73 posted 07-07-2004 01:00 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Dear Karen,  

This recent development with me as I explained to Kit when I answered her email, has hit me hard out of left field, and taken me for a loop emotionally, and physically.  I can get the emotional part dealt with, and this physical part my doctor says will pass, as it is almost "empathy sickness" (there is actually a name for it!)  My symptoms are like yours internal as well, (Willow died having cancer in most of her internal organs.)  I don't go too far from home right now as I have no control of it, and have been assured it will pass (now that was a pun!)

I didn't allow myself to grieve properly in the first place for Jenna (Willow,) and never even cried when she died.  As you know, I do grief therapy at Lions Gate Palliative Care, but it seems it was a different story when it was my grief we were dealing with.  I was simply in denial for two years, and little by little it snuck up on me and needed out.  

Before I tell you about today I want to thank Chris (Nightshade) for even noticing I was not myself as I sure was not, but just then I was a mess and could not even respond to her email to explain why, or thank her.  So thank you Chrislane   

Well ... someone who does know me really well cared enough, (as she always does,) and with her email she sent me something that finally got me to wail like a Banshee this morning.  It was long overdue by years, and strangely I feel way better now.       How did she make me open up and face where no one could?  I hope you don't mind that I am posting her poem right on your thread so in case others are feeling as you and I; they too will get to a starting place of healing. Kit, thank you for just being you!


The Significant Date

by Kit McCallum



If truth be told, I laid awake
For most the night it seems,
No sandman came to visit me
To whisk me off in dreams.

I've felt it build the last few nights,
Sub-conscience must have known,
The thoughts I block from active mind;
This date engraved in stone.

I look upon the calendar
And see an empty space,
A date that holds the sorrows
Time can simply not erase.

To some, it's just another day,
No real significance,
They'll go about their same routine
As always, in a trance.

I ponder how this date will
Simply carry on its way,
While every year my life will halt
Upon this very day.

I'll try to smile and forge ahead,
Pretend that I'm alright,
And hide the tears I save by day
To let them fall at night.

No one can truly understand
The depths of feelings wrought,
Within the heart of sorrow's song,
Lest in these shoes, they've walked.


Ron C. If by some chance you read this, let me tell you that this place made a huge impact on me personally today, and that is thanks to you m'friend!  I would not even know Kit if it were not for you, and I can't imagine my life without her now (she is a little crazy but basically has a heart as big as Texas.)
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


74 posted 07-07-2004 01:27 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

I'm so glad, Mysteria, that you've had the opportunity to meet so many Pipsters personally...it makes a huge difference in how we read each other in the blue pages.

Hugs, my friend...
 
  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Discussion >> pipTalk Lounge >> The Serenity Garden   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors