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shatterd glass

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nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
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150 posted 03-03-2009 05:41 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

wow i really like it.. thanks turtle
            : )
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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151 posted 03-03-2009 06:16 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi ya nina,

AHHHHH shucks

It's up to you sweety, you want to go with this? Any thoughts on changes?

If you like this we can move on to S4?


nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


152 posted 03-03-2009 06:37 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

yeah.. i thought the line was

i need you before i encounter my end.
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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153 posted 03-03-2009 06:53 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

yours:

the memory of our last meet is fading
i must see you once more before my end

My fix:

If not thy love for me is fading
once more we must before my end.


Do you mean you would rather use:

i need you before i encounter my end.

For line 4?

Maybe this is where we should start talking about meter?

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


154 posted 03-03-2009 08:11 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

yes please.
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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155 posted 03-03-2009 08:13 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle



okay, give me a minute to organize my thoughts

turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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156 posted 03-03-2009 08:45 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi again      

Do you know what a syllable is?

i / need / you / be / fore / i / en / count / er / my / end.

rhythm is based on the number of syllables in a line.

In this line (above) there are 11 syllables but 8 words.

Meter is based on how the syllables are organized in this line,
or more accuritly how sets of stressed and unstressed syllables are organized.

To use meter in a poem, each metric foot (the number of syllables in each meter type )
is divided evenly through out the line to give it a consistent tempo.

So, structured verse (what we are writing here) is based on the number of syllables in
each line (and foot) and not on the number of words in each line.

To further understand this:

First go here and read my post that starts "Hi chopper"

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum28/HTML/002418.html


Then read my explanation of "Basics of Rhyme" here:


http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum22/HTML/000990.html


After that read the links at the bottom of that post:

http://instructional1.calstatela.edu/tsteele/TSpage5/rands.html


http://instructional1.calstatela.edu/tsteele/TSpage5/meter.html


nina, this stuff is hard to understand and you will have many questions
So does everyone else that has ever tried to understand meter (including me)

      
nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


157 posted 03-03-2009 08:57 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522


thank you very much. i will read as much as i can tonight. tomorrow i have international volleyball so i may not be home till very late becuase after that is the varsity championship game (busy schedule). so i will read and let you know as soon as possible.

     Thank you very much for taking your time to help me. i cant express to you how much i appreciate it.


                Nina
turtle
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158 posted 03-03-2009 09:00 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Take your time sweety,

And I'll be rooting for you to win your game.

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


159 posted 03-03-2009 10:53 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey im about to print out the links.  but do you think im even good enough to understand it? im having doubts about my writing capabilty.
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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160 posted 03-03-2009 11:13 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

This will be hard to understand and you won't understand it all, but it will help you to understand why we are changing the wording in these lines of this poem.

So, in that respect, it will help you understand better why we are doing what we are doing.

Yes! I think it will help  

As far as doubts.....sweety I am amazed at how fast you are leaning poetry.


nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


161 posted 03-04-2009 06:34 AM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

oki doki. ill give it a try and write back soon.
    :] Nina
nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


162 posted 03-09-2009 04:10 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey almost finished with the websites but im really busy so ill wont be back on till much later (couple of days)
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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163 posted 03-10-2009 11:51 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi nina

I'll keep an eye out for ya.

BTW - You might enjoy this little poem.

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum100/HTML/001418.html


  

[This message has been edited by turtle (03-11-2009 12:12 AM).]

nina1522
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since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


164 posted 03-11-2009 04:32 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey that was really cute i like it a lot. i read the websites but i have lacrosse try outs all week so im going to be busy. i will definitely be on this weekend a lot to talk. thank you for being patient :]

i wrote a shrt poem in the teen section. not sure if it makes sense, it was in my notebook so i thought what the heck i may as test it out. haha
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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165 posted 03-13-2009 12:22 AM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi nina,

Sweetheart, you'll have to finish this poem on your own. There are a lot of good kids in Teen and I'm sure you'll do fine there. You hang in there sweety and keep writing.

Now. Go read a book!
isabella223
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since 03-14-2009
Posts 15


166 posted 03-14-2009 03:49 PM       View Profile for isabella223   Email isabella223   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for isabella223

oh ok. thanks for all your help. sorry about the inconvience. hopefully i'll talk to you soon.
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


167 posted 03-14-2009 04:05 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

hey i lost my slip of paper with my paswrod in it so i created a new account name. guess i found it. haha sorry about the confusion. um im writing a monolugue for english. i was wondering if i could email it to you and (if you want, which you prob dont) maybe you could revise it? its no biggie. i totally understand if you dont want to. really i do.

[This message has been edited by nina1522 (03-14-2009 07:32 PM).]

turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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168 posted 03-15-2009 04:26 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi nina,

If you want to email me I'll try to help.

Steve
isabella223
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since 03-14-2009
Posts 15


169 posted 03-15-2009 05:24 PM       View Profile for isabella223   Email isabella223   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for isabella223

AHHH!!! steve!!


whats your email? it wont allow me to send it to you from pip
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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170 posted 03-15-2009 05:38 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Nina,      

I sent you an email. didn't you get it?

Check your email account you used to sign up here , if you didn't get it I'll give you my email address.

You must have done somthing wrong. I'm getting emails from this site and I just sent myself an email that went through ok???

Did you click on the little yellow envelope next to the edit button?

  
isabella223
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since 03-14-2009
Posts 15


171 posted 03-15-2009 06:07 PM       View Profile for isabella223   Email isabella223   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for isabella223

hey got the email. and just sent you the monolugue. sorry i have two emails and i checked the wrong one first.
 
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