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A Simple Back-Kick
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A Simple Back-Kick |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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Then the snap of well-worn cotton overtook the thought that nudged my muscles into practiced action – Streams of time-compressed reflex data (balance, speed, distance, direction, timing) set the physics of Chi in motion – Body weight levered on the fulcrum of hips shifting upon a pivoting base drive my heel along the path of least resistance with linear efficiency and relax/flex motor coordination As the one-half mass times velocity squared kinetic transfer causes unprepared abs to fail against the equal and opposite and forces a sudden breath of air to bear witness to the kick I’ll never see. [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 05-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jim Bouder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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redshoes Junior Member
since 2000-05-22
Posts 12Massachusetts |
The title is ironic, given the complicated words and structure of the poem! Tongue-in-cheek, maybe? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
HELP .... cancel the beer and the invitation jim ! ...you terrify me ...LOL  nice to see you and your "pen" back in the action Later P |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Teach, I liked this a lot, Jim, and I echo P's sentiments (not his attempt at humor ).This reminds me of OT, and activity analysis...dissecting an activity into the smallest pieces, in the order they occur. You even have anatomical references... The only thing I would change would be "cooperation" to coordination. I've felt this kick...came out of nowhere...it hurts like hell. Nice work, Kris< !signature--> the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 05-25-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
"attempt" kris ?.... hummph! |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jim-- someone snapped a towel at you, so you kicked him in the gut? this was an interesting physics lesson. i thought "to fail against the equal and opposite" was a good line, nice job leaving off "reaction". as always, thanks for a good read. jenni |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL ...... jenni .. surely you don't think our gentle moderator would be so provoked? this "snap" has to be the snap of his cotton top or shorts (or whatever these ferocious fighters wear ) as his lightening reflexes snap into action faster than thought itself !!??is that not right jim????  Philip btw jim on a third or fourth reading "nudged" seems too slow to me [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 05-26-2000).] |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hey Jim. this is interesting, despite the horrific physics memories it brought rushing back. (shudder shudder) very thick, maybe a little sticky flow-wise. the only specific thing i can thinik of to change is "timing" to just "time". i think that works better. cool one luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Daniel-son, wax on-wax off, "Then the snap of well-worn cotton overtook the thought that nudged my muscles into practiced action –" Pretty good opening stanza though I found the last half of it overly stressed..."overTOOK the THOUGHT THAT nuDGED my musCLES inTO PRACTISED ACTION." Well that's kina how I kept reading it, which made it kina clunky on my tongue. Now I have to ask, was this intentional? "Streams of time-compressed reflex data (balance, speed, distance, direction, timing) set the physics of Chi in motion –" Really liked the last line..."Chi in motion". This has an odd meter to it but there is a nice "tone" to the whole stanza. Consider throwing "timing" onto its own line though that might ruin the flow a bit...just throwing out ideas and usually things thrown out are meant for the trash . Also "time" and "timing" are noticeably used only words apart."Body weight levered on the fulcrum of hips shifting upon a pivoting base drive my heel along the path of least resistance with linear efficiency and relax/flex motor coordination As the one-half mass times velocity squared kinetic transfer causes unprepared abs to fail against the equal and opposite and forces a sudden breath of air to bear witness to the kick I’ll never see." I like this stanza ESPECIALLY the last two lines, excellent ending. My suggestion, and you know I always have one, is to put "drive" with the line below so "drive my heel..." is at one with the universe. Also lines 5 & 6 seemed to do a really clunky flowing thingy.Anyways Jim, very interesting poem with an outstanding ending. Maybe it could use a little smoother flow in some spots but a good offering. Thanks for the read, take care, Ki-Ahhhhhh!!!! Paint the fence, wax the car grasshoppa, Trevor |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
this poem is bothering me jim especially the last few lines: "As the one-half mass times velocity squared kinetic transfer causes unprepared abs to fail against the equal and opposite and forces a sudden breath of air to bear witness to the kick I’ll never see." is all this really just about a "simple" kick back? ...... hummmm P |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Everyone: Sorry for dragging this one to the top (I will reply to as many as I can tonight in return) but real life has kept me off-line for a little while. redshoes: The title may be a little tongue in cheek. The back-kick appears to the observer to be somewhat simple but developing a good back-kick takes most people several years. Kris: Your "OT [Occupational Therapy]" comment is an interesting one. I never really thought about it but teaching Tae Kwon Do incorporates many of the same concepts that found DTI (discrete trial intervention). Thanks for the "coordination" catch. That, I think, is what I was trying to say. Jenni: A brief reply? I didn't scare you like I scared Philip, did I? Thanks for the reply. Philip is basically right about the "snap" sound, except that slowness of thought rather than lightening speed explains why the kick was executed before the thought was finished. Besides, if a kick is unexpected then, even if it is not very fast, it really doesn't matter to the person who was kicked (this is the idea behind "perceived speed" as opposed to "actual speed"). Elyse: Thanks for the kind reply. "Timing" is a bit of a different concept than "Time". Timing suggests executing the kick at the right moment in time that optimizes the effect of the kick. Sorry about the suppressed physics memories I resurrected. Trevor: That is "Daniel-san", btw. Crazy Canadians ... most of you are bilingual and you are still no better off than your monoglot neighbors south of your border! I'll see what I can do about the "time" and "timing" blemish. Good suggestion regarding the movement of "drive" to the following line ... I think I'll do just that. I'm glad you liked the last lines. The odd thing about the back-kick is that it is considered a "blind" kick ... that is, you never actually see your foot hit the target (if you do you are doing the kick wrong). Thanks for the reply, Trev. BTW ... for being such an outspoken critique of cliche ... "paint the fence, Daniel-son [sic ... heh-heh], grasshoppa" ... I am a little disappointed in your inconsistency! Philip: "Is all this really just about a "simple" kick back?" What do you think? Thanks for your replies and your comic relief.Jim |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
No, Jim, this doesn't work for me. First, you seem to be doing a sort of stream of consciousness thing here but it irritates more than enhances the poem. As a poem of reflection, your diction could work but with 'at that moment' type structures it doesn't persuade. I think you need more punctuation. Finally, to master any martial art, one must do it WITHOUT THINKING. You say this in the first stanza but then you proceed to describe the action as if all of this was going on in your head. Wrong structure for the poem you want to write. Think about rewriting this as a recollection of something that just happened, not something that is happening -- a sort of 'what have I just done' kind of thing. Just an opinion, Brad PS when is Philip going to post a new poem? |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
"Is all this really just about a "simple" kick back?" What do you think? >>> actually Jim .. for once (and i guess this may be a first ) you have me completely foxed with this poem ... the truth is that when i read it for the first time it left me kind of cold .. somebody put it quite well ..."an interesting physics lesson"! I know that the piece undoubtedly means a good deal more to you as an activity you love, but i'm sure that if i was to describe the minutiae of route choice and fine navigation into a particularly difficult control point while orienteering you would be about as equally riveted as i was by this poem ..lol. All of which kind of makes me suspicious that i'm missing something .. y'know, some deep and hidden layer (rather like cars and bras perhaps... ) ... "abs"? .. automatic braking system ..could that be a clue? .. ok.. so i'm not gonna leave this till i find some "reader satisfying" explanation ... ! Brad sweets .. i didn't know you cared Philip |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Jim shorts, "That is "Daniel-san", btw. Crazy Canadians ... most of you are bilingual and you are still no better off than your monoglot neighbors south of your border!" It's hard enough organizing french and english let alone throwing Japenese into this mushy cluttered mind of mine. At least I didn't say "Dan y'all son" or "Danny's son" "The odd thing about the back-kick is that it is considered a "blind" kick ... that is, you never actually see your foot hit the target (if you do you are doing the kick wrong)." I prefer just to conjure fireballs, I learned that move from Mortal Combat 3 or I throw shurikens by the dozen...never killing the opponent but instead just pinning them to the wall by their hands and feet....or sometimes I just talk them to sleep "Thanks for the reply, Trev. BTW ... for being such an outspoken critique of cliche ... "paint the fence, Daniel-son [sic ... heh-heh], grasshoppa" ... I am a little disappointed in your inconsistency." Do as I say and not as I do I'm also an outspoken anti "...." but I'll be damned if I don't use them daily. Actually I'm against cliches and "..." in poetry but not in everyday general drively jabber May the force be with you. To Trev or not to trev |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Jim this is just the kind of poem I like. I like the concise descriptive way you described the mental/physical motion and how a physical event lasting a matter of mere seconds, can represent a lifetime of practice ie. the stroke of a surgeons scapel or Mark Mcquires 70th homerun. forrest |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
I liked it! needs more simplicity though i'm sure that kick took lots of practice to. I believe I can see what your thinking if possible. In fact isn't that what poetry is suppose to do. I think you just need a paragraph before first stance maybe telling about your surroundings. Other than that fantastic work. Keep up the chi! Practice makes perfect or lots of sore muscles. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: Sorry the poem didn't work for you. You know me ... always playing with new stuff. "Finally, to master any martial art, one must do it WITHOUT THINKING." Um ... *bzzzt* ... judges? ... wrong answer, but I'll give you partial credit. While many of the executed moves must be done with very little thought (thinking too much about the move while you are doing it messes things up a bit), the winning fighter is often the one who anticipates his opponant's style or strategy, then deciding on how best to counter that strategy. Anticipation is much faster than reaction/reflex (provided you anticipate correctly) and anticipation is most definitely thought. I've won matches, btw, based on my observations of my opponant's body language before the match even began. You might be right about the poem, but don't even think I am going to let you be right about EVERYTHING! Philip: I suppose if there was a "hidden layer" in this (by "hidden layer" I mean, in this case, my reason for writing the thing the way I did) I guess it would have to be that I wrote this to try to dispel the mysticism that often surrounds the practice of the martial arts. A good martial art relies on good understanding of physics and anatomy and is far from being mystical. I don't know if this is what you would consider a "reader satisfying" explanation but, for now, it will have to do. (The hotel is almost done, btw ... opening soon ... my role will begin winding down this weekend).Forrest: Thanks for commenting and thanks for the compliment. But what some call "concise" others might call "pedantic" (we won't mention Philip's a/k/a Poertree's name, okay?). Rose: Thanks for the reply. I'll probably stick this one in my notebook for a little while and come back to it after a while. Thanks again, everyone, for your replies. Jim |
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