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stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


0 posted 05-18-2009 12:31 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for stargal


The fur of the carpet shines, the flowers
perky and bright, no books out of place,
immaculate in face. For Browning, Elliot, Emily,
and Milton stand in crisp dinner jackets, waiting
to be swept down.

Oh! To have someone dear stomp them
to the floor while wearing a frown. For their
pages of ink to kiss the cushioned ground,
in rage, in glee, in careless beauty of
childish agony.

I long for such a day, when order is gone
and exuberant mayhem ensues. No.
Life is orderly, it must be. Breakfast at
5:00, dinner at 6:00, we go by the clock,
such a blessed gift.

Children never to be seen, the neighbors
have enough, for you, and me. We will
be envied, wait and see. Yet how they
are heard, each breath, a single footstep,
they wander inside my head.

Those children, the blessed lost boys, and
girls, who'll never be found. They whisper
of the futility of a dream that's never to be.
Still, I look with regret toward each child
I never had.
© Copyright 2009 stargal - All Rights Reserved
moonbeam
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since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


1 posted 05-18-2009 03:33 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

This is one of the most enjoyable poems I've read here at PiP.  Thanks very much indeed.

Rob
JenniferMaxwell
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2 posted 05-18-2009 05:24 PM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

Wow, this is one amazing poem. Bravo!
Kalysta
Junior Member
since 04-02-2009
Posts 41
Ohio


3 posted 05-18-2009 09:19 PM       View Profile for Kalysta   Email Kalysta   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kalysta

A extremely amazing write. I'm utterly speechless, which is hard to do to me. LOL

~Kalysta~

~Kalysta~

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


4 posted 05-19-2009 12:54 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Rob-Thank you for that. I am somewhat surprised by such high praise. I've been lurking around corners in pip for a couple years now, and I have enjoyed reading your posts. Though I do not always agree with you, I always read with interest in what you have to say. I would appreciate any suggestions you might deem necessary in regards to this attempt.

JenniferMaxwell-I do appreciate the time you took in reading/commenting. It always amazes me that people actually read what I have to write. You are an amazing poet in your own right, such a compliment from you is indeed heartwarming.


Kalysta-I'm glad I could astound you into speechlessness! Perhaps it is a sign I'm learning, at least a little bit, about poetry. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read/comment.

-----> I am curious about one thing though, if someone should be able to tell me I would be grateful. Critical Analysis, what happened to it? Well, other then that the last one was archived. Is there another one, or something along similiar lines that I seem unable to find?


moonbeam
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5 posted 05-19-2009 10:29 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

I am shocked and horrified to hear you don't always agree with me .  However next time you don't agree perhaps you might take the time to argue, er, I mean debate - that way we both learn .

The poem deserved the praise, it's certainly a step up from your other posts here (which weren't bad either).

CA ~sigh~ very sad but inevitable.  Ron closed it.  Most of the reasons are here:

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum6/HTML/000037.html


and here:

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum6/HTML/000041.html
stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


6 posted 05-19-2009 10:56 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Wow... I feel somewhat like an errant child who has just been rebuked, subtly, but nevertheless.

Perhaps you are right, I should stick around to "debate", but for me that would be like going
up against an entire army, while I'm just me. I hardly know the mechanics of poetry, let alone
as well as you. It's more I see, I like, or I dislike, this sounds bad to my ears, this sounds good.

Thank you, I hadn't realized CA had gotten as bad as all that! I did only wander in once in awhile, but it is still sad to see it go...

Perhaps smiley faces make everything better?
moonbeam
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7 posted 05-19-2009 11:42 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

I use smiley faces to try and convey the sentiment behind the words when I think there is a risk that the recipient might take the words in a way other than that in which I meant them.  

Clearly I was right, there was a risk in this case, and equally clearly the smiley face did nothing to prevent you feeling that you'd been rebuked.  Sorry about that, my bad, I should work harder at getting the words right and not rely so much on the symbols.

No rebuke intended at all, merely an invitation to discuss anything that I say that you don't agree with in the hope that we both learn something.  People often disagree, but that disagreement can lead to profit for both parties in my experience - a sharing of views often leads to a broadening of view.

Anyway that's what I think - you don't have to agree   .

As for your professed inexperience in poetry, you underestimate the importance of being able to form an opinion on what you read and write I think.  Being able to express (even mentally to yourself) why you like or dislike something is more valuable than all the mechanics of poetry put together imo.  Anyway whatever you are doing, it seems to be working for you, so maybe I'll shut up. (The smiley face there is to indicate that even though I used the phrase "shut up" I was grinning as I wrote it ) (And the second smiley face there is to indicate that I'm not being facetious) ...  I could go on forever with this ... lol
stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


8 posted 05-19-2009 04:56 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

I do apologize! I did not mean for that to sound like a remonstration, in fact I rather enjoyed your comment. Indeed, it made me smile. I do often type before my brain fully connects how what I say might sound to others, and I know my reply sounded somewhat caustic.  It was more of a self-flagellation in the context of a guilty conscience toward myself, then anything else. I fear I lack the delicacy that is needed to convey emotions through my writing. It is unfortunate I seem to stick my foot in my mouth on a constant bases, that is why it is less desirous for me to keep posting for fear of misunderstanding.  Please understand that which was written was not directed to you with harmful intent.

Thank you for the invitation! I will try not to step on any toes should I become less mortified at my lack of conversant skills to be able to comment on anything else
nehematala
Member
since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


9 posted 05-29-2009 06:16 PM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

This poem is really good. How do you do the smilies??

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

Falling rain
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Small town, Illinois


10 posted 05-30-2009 10:54 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Geeze Stargale! This was fantastic! I really enjoyed this.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


11 posted 05-30-2009 01:29 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

Thank you nehematala, Zach. I do appreciate you've taken the time to read and comment. Though, I'm not really sure this deserves the praises that have been handed to it. I sometimes wish I could see into someone else's head and know what they are thinking about what I've written. For I look at this and think, "this words wrong, that line doesn't fit, what did I mean when I said that..." Then again I probably wouldn't like what I found in a different mind, because it might match my own...lolz

Thank you again for commenting.
Falling rain
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12 posted 05-30-2009 08:09 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Everyone has those thoughts when writing. Most of the poems I write I don't like. Like how I worded it, the message in here isn't what I want, The title doesn't fit, etc. It happens to everyone. Your only human.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 06-11-2007
Posts 1062
In Love <3


13 posted 06-09-2009 09:42 AM       View Profile for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed

Wow. You have a beautiful style. I enjoyed it very much. If school had us read poetry like this rather than that of poorly pieced works of some of the "greats" than school would have been more enjoyable.

"What are you!?"
"I'm complicated."

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


14 posted 06-10-2009 01:31 AM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed-Thank you, that was one of the kindest things a person has said about my ramblings. Thank you for the comment, and your time, I am most appreciative.
priyanka
Member
since 06-15-2009
Posts 212
india


15 posted 06-15-2009 08:14 AM       View Profile for priyanka   Email priyanka   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for priyanka

Wow!That was soo good!
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed is right...
I seriously would enjoy reading this at school...
makes school a fun sort of place to be in....
lovely...
It goes in a flow...
Really liked it
hunnie_girl
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since 06-18-2006
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Canada


16 posted 06-16-2009 02:12 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

this is the 1st poem i have read from here in over 2 months..... wow hon you never cease to amaze me
 
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