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Open Poetry #44
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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2009-02-10 12:00 PM


Beautifully Mine


I tried to
write you
a love poem
words just spin
around the page
I follow your lips
with mine
when you speak
in whispers that
chase your breath
standing on
a shadows lace
I know where my heart is
flying with black birds
across a sunset
I looked up
and it looked like
sky poetry
saying things I never could
of how my heart feels
beautifully mine

"I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad."
— Joni Mitchell



© Copyright 2009 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved
Blood.Wolf
Member
since 2009-02-09
Posts 54
GA, USA
1 posted 2009-02-10 12:03 PM


Well, it was a little strange because of lack of punctuation.  Other than that, it was well written, and I probably would have enjoyed it much more.  Sorry, I'm one of those people who just hate little or no punctuation.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2009-02-10 01:38 AM


sky poetry....

pretty cool

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
3 posted 2009-02-10 10:33 PM


Helen,

I have enjoyed a lot of your poetry in my time here at PiP - but this one is my favorite.  It's perfect.

Alison

HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
4 posted 2009-02-10 10:39 PM


"saying things I never could"
Well I can very well done
How is that for words.

The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.  


steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

5 posted 2009-02-11 10:01 PM


...so many good parts, but I think these words caught my attention most:

"in whispers that
chase your breath"

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA
6 posted 2009-02-11 10:13 PM


Helen, this is so beautiful. I love reading your poetry. Even though I don't always reply.
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
7 posted 2009-02-12 07:35 PM


i love how you had the birds speak for you here
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
8 posted 2009-02-13 10:42 AM


I tried to pick favorite lines and couldn't... I love every perfect word!
Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050

9 posted 2009-02-15 10:53 AM



Dear Helen, your words are like billowy pillows of down
and cumulus, lips in the wind, mouthing whether and reign.

Blowing whoosh and breath,
of softness, and whisper.

Loving this.



GothicCherry
Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471
TN
10 posted 2009-02-15 11:15 AM


"Beautifully Mine"

A nice thought...

Lighthousebob
Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725
California
11 posted 2009-02-15 11:17 AM


Smiles. Not to change the mood or subject or anything here, but, ummmmmmmmm, like Charlie Brown with the Red Head Girl, sometimes, Valentines are so, so very, very difficult to give away. Aren’t they? Loved your poem.

-Bob

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
12 posted 2009-02-15 01:06 PM


I looked up
and it looked like
sky poetry
saying things I never could
of how my heart feels

I have actually read the sky that way myself.  Beautifully done Helen.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
13 posted 2009-02-15 01:27 PM


Helen - another magical work, you have much romance in your heart...

BC

RSWells
Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533

14 posted 2009-02-16 05:33 PM


No, those weren't blackbirds accompanying your heart but the silhouettes of doves.
vandana
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Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
15 posted 2009-02-16 05:55 PM


nice
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
16 posted 2009-02-19 02:14 PM


Wonderful!!!!!


Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
17 posted 2009-02-19 02:31 PM


ms slick..makes me look at the sky
and want to see it

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
18 posted 2009-02-19 02:33 PM


What a wonderful image....'sky poetry'
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
19 posted 2009-02-19 03:13 PM


What a beautiful moment of awareness.
Enjoying the beauty within yourself is important for your perception of all the gifts you have to give.

Eric

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