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ryun
Junior Member

since 2000-01-25

Posts 33
elsinore, ca, usa

0 posted 2001-09-09 10:55 AM

escape alone
awake from within
is this what i chose..
i break free from my pen
escape tangled in my web
wher to begin
no wher to start
i'v parted from my logic
visioning with my heart
speaking to conclude
as my love rips apart
striped empty..
wandering in the dark
to far..
from the angel in my heart
parted by but distance
as i sit and wait in the dark
uh love i held
and kept without pride
needing inside now
nothing to feed
pleading to my undieing heart
that just keeps gleeming..
my venus
my desire
my untouchable fire
the distance in it's atire
streaching endlessly on the
live wire..

Barelybreathing
Junior Member

since 2000-04-26

Posts 46

1 posted 2001-09-09 04:28 PM

I really like this poem..the flow was great and i like the way you wrote it especially the beginning lines

'escape alone
awake from within
is this what i chose..'

and this was my fave part

'i'v parted from my logic
visioning with my heart'

luv to read more of your poetry..

'The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own.'
~Montaigne~

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2001-09-10 03:46 AM

my venus
my desire
my untouchable fire
the distance in it's atire
streaching endlessly on the
live wire..

very well done, i liked the flow of this piece too...made it really easy to read. thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece

"Somehow I managed to single handedly betray myself" Javier Agosto

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

3 posted 2001-09-10 05:34 AM

"i break free from my pen
escape tangled in my web
wher to begin"

i like that part! it was an awesome poem!
robin

Things I Have Learned I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-09-10 07:55 AM

Oooohhhh i really liked this one!!! Your poem flowed so nicely!! I really enjoyed this...keep it up!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

5 posted 2001-09-11 10:11 AM

Oh this is fantastic! I love the way it reads. It's really smooth and some of the lines are outstanding.

"wandering in the dark
to far..
from the angel in my heart
parted by but distance
as i sit and wait in the dark"

That is fantastic! Well done.