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Critical Analysis #2
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Love Lost, or Never Found
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Love Lost, or Never Found |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Today's not the first Nor the last Nor the best That you and I have known The first never was The last never will The best may have come and gone I'm not the first Nor the last Nor the best To ever have loved you so If the first and the last Have come and gone The best you may never know Love is a journey The moment it begins The journey's all it is No matter where it ends |
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| © Copyright 2002 Toerag - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
This is very sweet Toe. I didn't know you had it in ya. Your hidden emotions are lovely. I'm not really good at the critique thing that you are supposed to do in here, so I'll leave that to someone else. Love Seduces Joy From The Heart |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Toe, Good to see you in here again. It has been a while, hasn't it? I really like what you have here, especially the first two stanzas. Although it expresses a nice sentiment and does it well, the last seems a little flat when compared with the others. It just seems like you might give it a little more pizzazz. I hope that makes sense. Also, did you leave be off the end of the 6th line? Should it be, The last never will [be] or am I missunderstanding something. Thanks, Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Toerag: I like the poem and enjoyed the music-like cadence in the first two stanzas. It stumbles, though, in the last stanza and I was not able to recover the musical lilt in the meter that I enjoyed in the first lines. I'm fine with the simplicity and relative straightforwardness of the poem. My main suggestion, however, is that you find a way to restructure or add to the last stanza to tie up what began as a fine little song. Just my opinion. Thanks for the read. Jim |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Thank you all for the critique...actually the last verse was kind of 'another' poem to end the original?....Thanks again...I think I should stick to my wise ass nothing stuff. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Notapoet...Nope...the Last never will, meaning it won't last |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Hi Mr.Toe... What bothers me a bit about that last verse is that you use the word "journey" twice in the same verse... It might be more interesting to say Love is a journey from beginning to end thats all it is no matter the end  ~ hope this helps...hugs from the chipmunk Lyra |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
oops!!!! I just noticed that I used the word "end" twice... How about Love is a journey from beginning to end just a moment in time through which our lives wend Lyra |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hi Toe., I like how the poem didn't deal with specifics and intentionally seemed to step around them all with repetition of first and last, best etc. I personally would have preferred if you stayed true to that form in the last stanza to end it rather than delving into a point with a more specific statement. That's my first, last and best comment I have to offer Thanks for the read,Trevor |
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geenabee Member
since 2002-09-10
Posts 59NC--USA |
...Yeah...what trevor said... I like the openendedness of first and last. I like the way the words make you ponder a little more than a straightforward lament about lovelostnotfound would. Good job! wisecrackin' is good too though, but we all gotta come up sincere sometimes, right? nice ta read ya, geenabee |
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