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choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

0 posted 2004-08-26 10:51 AM

So cool, the breeze,
blowing through the tall oaks
on the hillside-
autumn has started taking shape
etched on leaf edges.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2004-08-26 10:54 AM

Paul...I felt the breeze. Good job!

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

2 posted 2004-08-26 12:05 PM

Isn't that the truth? This is absolutely beautiful! I liked the last line, especially. (When I think about it, many things appear to take shape, visualized from the outer edges first.)

"autumn has started taking shape
etched on leaf edges."

miscellanea

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-08-26 12:10 PM

yes

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

4 posted 2004-08-26 02:28 PM

"Paul...I felt the breeze. Good job!"

Thank you Karilea, when the sensation comes through, it makes me feel a poem works.

~P

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

5 posted 2004-08-26 02:29 PM

(When I think about it, many things appear to take shape, visualized from the outer edges first.)

Thank you ~M.....true...~P

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

6 posted 2004-08-26 02:30 PM

Thank you Dixie, Your "Yes" is deeply felt...~P

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

7 posted 2004-08-26 02:58 PM

choshi

What is so cool is the clear vision that you have...simple, yet profound.

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

8 posted 2004-08-26 03:14 PM

Thank you Martie,

The striving for simplicity is to me important....there are enough complexities in life....i am glad that you felt that inthis poem....~P

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

9 posted 2004-08-26 05:36 PM

Felt like I was there...
It's amazing what you can do with so few words.
Awesome!

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
Joyce kilmer

choshi
Senior Member

since 2004-01-01

Posts 1184
New York

10 posted 2004-08-26 06:29 PM

Felt like I was there...

Great!!! Thank you Alyssa.......

~P

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

11 posted 2004-08-28 12:25 PM

Paul, I feel the subtle autumn breeze with this. Mmmmmmm...lovely!

.....jo

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

12 posted 2004-08-28 12:29 PM

very nice, enjoyed.

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