Day Begins (A Workshop Challenge)

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kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

0 posted 2004-06-21 09:50 AM

Author's note: (This is in response to a challenge to write in the form of a favorite author.  Mine is Longfellow and this is based on his "Day is Done")

Day begins

Day begins and sunrise
  Breaks the Eastern sky
As one ray comes to earth
  From that orb so way up high.

I see my city lightposts
  Wink to the dark each one.
And a feeling of grandness enrichens
  As a flower opens in fun.

A feeling of grandness and glory,
  That is not quite like some joy
But seems like earthly heaven
  Like a toy train to a boy.

So tell me what you’ve written,
  Something lifting if you please,
That will frost this cake of day
  And bring out the buzzing bees.

Your words have strength and power
  Buoying up my joy-filled day.
They’re like a morning blessing
  That you give me in your way.

Speak from your early work that
  You’ve written in a dash,
That only shows your promise
  Your wittiness and flash.

For your better works, while polished,
  Show thought and work and care.
But the early ones are zestful,
  Like our sunrises so fair.

Please show your mood if fancy,
  Or grumpy if you must,
But it’s your thoughts that I care for
  They clear away my rust.

And my day will brightly hearken
  All that life bestows,
And I’ll go about my business
  Never thinking of my woes.

[This message has been edited by kayjay (06-21-2004 10:26 AM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2004-06-21 10:21 AM

Very beautifully penned Ken.
I ao much enjoy this form.
Excellent piece of work.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

Something tugs at me, I've no doubt of that.
Something from the sea, whichever one I'm near.
When I stray too far from beachland, it calls me back

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2004-06-21 11:19 AM

Ken

This is just beautiful! I don't know much about form, but your poem sounds great to the ear when read and it flowed effortlessly.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-06-21 12:37 PM

awesome! challenge well met!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2004-06-21 02:21 PM

I could read this over and over again! In fact, Dear Ken, I just did!!!

You definitely rose to meet ~ and surpassed! ~ this poetry challenge!

Write away, Poet Man!

Linda

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

5 posted 2004-06-22 04:55 PM

kayjay,
Definately a toe-tapper, rythmic and concise with a message well taken.
Doc

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

6 posted 2004-06-22 07:08 PM

Ken, this was just great! This uplifted my evening!

......jo

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

7 posted 2004-06-23 09:44 AM

This does make me think of one I wrote, before I became such a long fellow....thanks for reminding me to look.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

8 posted 2004-06-24 01:04 AM

I love the "thump" of a good meter and sometimes I get close.
Many thanks to all who came to call. Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

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