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gadfly4you
Junior Member

since 2004-01-24

Posts 37

0 posted 2004-02-03 09:58 PM

A Foreign Place

Strange restaurants
seem so familiar.
The same smoky brown
bottles of beer
sit at the same tables
constantly kissing old friends.
While the same waiter
with the frayed cuffs
asks the same question.
“Would you like the spicy chicken soup”.

The grainy sidewalk
spits tiny shards of light,
small fireflies
under the hazy glow
of the streetlights.
The streets seem black and bold
like a thick marker
drawn down a clean sheet of paper.
I learn to walk down them,
head straight now
hand empty,
only two feet.

My tongue and teeth
have become strangers.
I must introduce them.
Words that came so easily,
now sit unspoken
in my chest
looking up
through a periscope
for their home.

I open the door,
drop the keys on the dresser
and head upstairs.
Where two years later
your slippers still sit
at the foot of our bed

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

1 posted 2004-02-03 10:38 PM

"My tongue and teeth
have become strangers.
I must introduce them.
Words that came so easily,
now sit unspoken
in my chest
looking up
through a periscope
for their home."

Creatively expressed! Thanks for posting this. That image sticks...
Sadelite

McLean
Member

since 2004-01-05

Posts 484
state of marital bliss

2 posted 2004-02-03 10:43 PM

My tongue and teeth
have become strangers.
I must introduce them.

I do like the way you worded this. Deliciously stringed together to define a precisely odd thing.

Moving piece. Makes me appreciate the warmth still left in my husbands shoes from earlier today...

McLean

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

3 posted 2004-02-03 10:49 PM

Very powerful imagry here and strong use of metaphors and a simile, but the most powerful image is the impression of a lost significant other and the attempt at coping with that reality.

-MVS

You CAN make a difference: http://educate-yourself.org/

[This message has been edited by MARK V SHELDON (02-04-2004 02:03 AM).]

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

4 posted 2004-02-03 11:16 PM

How well you show the tender of the tough...your writes are very honest, and real, and I find myself crying the tears.
TD

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2004-02-03 11:42 PM

(big angel hugs) This is so deeply heartfelt, sweet friend, it certainly is a foreign place I think seems all too familiar to us all and my heart goes out to you and your loss, God Bless You, know we all think of you very much and are always here if you need someone to talk to, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

celestecat
Junior Member

since 2004-02-02

Posts 29

6 posted 2004-02-04 12:49 PM

This is beautiful...the best poem I have read here, which is saying a lot as I have enjoyed all the poems...wonderful.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2004-02-04 12:54 PM

Oh...so many excellent lines in this...

Wonderfully written...I truly enjoyed...
"When the power of love overcomes the love
of power the world will know peace."
--Jimi Hendrix

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced