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Teen Poetry #7
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wings of the moon
Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323
Pink bubblegum land

0 posted 2004-10-23 08:19 AM


my steps stuttered with the cold,  
just like your mouth used to typewrite:  
"best friends in the whole wide world"  
sat seriously on the granite wall.

we met again in a park,  
you, still serious,  
leaves in your mouth  
and motorbiked friends groping  
sexual jokes. The swings  
now blackened by helmets  
and thrown cigarettes.  
Oh, we talked. My eyes  
are blue, and yours are  
getting browner.  


© Copyright 2004 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved
Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
1 posted 2004-10-23 06:51 PM


Wonderful writing Claire, I really adore your style of writing, keep up the good work.

Andrew

*Alli4000*
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since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2004-10-23 07:15 PM


"we met again in a park,  
you, still serious,  
leaves in your mouth  
and motorbiked friends groping  
sexual jokes. The swings  
now blackened by helmets  
and thrown cigarettes.  
Oh, we talked. My eyes  
are blue, and yours are  
getting browner."


Loved this part...you have a very intriguing way of writing...
Keep Posting Claire!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*   My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

electricxheart
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 184
far away from home.
3 posted 2004-10-24 10:42 AM


i loved this. i had to read it over
a couple more times because i liked
it so much.

very unique writing style, i think
that's awesome. keep writing.

-kelly

i could be an accident, but i'm still trying.

wings of the moon
Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323
Pink bubblegum land
4 posted 2004-10-29 08:57 AM


thank you all for heartwarming crits...
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