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obvious thoughts
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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obvious thoughts |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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Red Brick around the lip of a pool keeps back the emotion from the night. But memories slip from over the ledge and onto a pillow clenched tight. Red rimmed edges around tired eyes hold back the signs of an end. But my tears slip down my cheek and onto the silent feather friend. Your eyes shimmer with beauty From underneath my pool of tears. A smile and twinkle were what i missed because of these controlling fears. Come back to me (I'll love you) Hold my hand (I'll hold your tears) I miss those eyes (Even the glares) Please stop walking away (I'll run to you) |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Young, Lovin this first stanza. Awesome description of the "pool" and brick... it works perfectly. Second one is real good too. Third, the rhyming seems a bit forced. The first two had perfect, subtle rhyming. Not sure about the last stanza, but the first couple were so strong it still made this an awesome poem. Nicely done |
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