you were supposed to be there

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MulaTTo
New Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 9
tempe, az

0 posted 2004-03-29 03:04 AM

Only a child that was deeply bare
always trying to find
the  man that was never there

nights would slowly end
with still no sign of
who was supposed to be my friend

You were never around to say that you cared
i always thought that, maybe you
were the man that was supposed to be there

you left me for texas so far away,
and years would leave me to think
You'd be back again someday

Over the phone you'd say you care
but what mattered whas that
you said  you would always be there

As I grow up a teen its not really fair,
because I always thought that my dad
was supposed to be the man that would always be there.

This is a first I wrote because  my  dad was  never around before my parents got a divorce now he lives in texas where we see each other  every other year.

please  give me advice it would greatly be appreciated

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

1 posted 2004-03-29 04:13 PM

I really liked this, I don't have any advice for you except keep writing, your doing great so far. Well done.

"I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne

loner187
Member

since 2004-03-21

Posts 106
Upstate New York

2 posted 2004-03-29 04:38 PM

nice job for your first write up. Though sometimes parts felt a little forced, overall good. Just remember to write from the heart and what you're feeling when you're writing can change the direction of the poem. Oh, and free verse is a beautiful thing. Keep posting!

-Amanda

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
-Franklin P. Jones

MulaTTo
New Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 9
tempe, az

3 posted 2004-03-29 08:25 PM

hey thanks for your comments guys

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

4 posted 2004-03-30 10:25 PM

This hits so..... soo... close to home for me. My Father and Mother got divorced when i was really little, and i barely see him, and he hasnt even called in over a year. Not for my birthday or christmas or anything at all. And when i was born, he wasnt there, he was never there at all, and probably wouldnt be, if my stepmom didnt make him. He has three other children besides me, and he is always saying stuff when i do come down to visit him, about how when Jaceee was 3 she did this, and when cody was 1 he did this, and he doesnt ever say anythign about when i was little, and it just.. I dunno, and my Father lives in Texas too. This just.. just really hit close to home. Thanks for letting me know that i'm not the only one. It helps a lot. Very awesome poem.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

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