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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2004-03-24 06:06 PM

I’ve shed more tears for you,
Than anyone else.
But there’s nothing to be done for that,
I cannot forgive you.

The day will come,
When I will look at you,
And laugh in your face,
And say-
I’m leaving, you don’t deserve…
A GOODBYE!

And when that day comes…
I will be the happiest person alive.
Do you know why?
Because I will no longer,
Have to deal with you.
You and your stupid, hypocritical rules.
You and your greed.
You and your cruel mind games.

I will leave,
And go far, far away.
Never to return here.
This place is not a home.
It’s a prison.
All that’s missing,
Is the barbwire fence.

"I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-03-25 11:44 AM

i understand the feeling well. this poem was ok. it was based off of feeling. the only thing wrong with that is that feeling has no description. it is hard to describe this, but try to.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-03-25 08:23 PM

I know this was about your family, but there are parts, that i can totally relate to on a different level kind of thing. With a friend of mine, that i cant say bye to, or well i can, but part of me cant let go of him.

And when that day comes…
I will be the happiest person alive.
Do you know why?
Because I will no longer,
Have to deal with you.
You and your stupid, hypocritical rules.
You and your greed.
You and your cruel mind games.

He is always being hypocritical, and is really selfish, and he plays soooo... many mind games with me. I dinno, i really liked this. It was awesome, but young blood was right about the imagery and description. It's hard to do with this kind of poem though. Amazin write.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

3 posted 2004-03-25 08:54 PM

This poem was great! I dunno...I don't really agree with the last two replies. I think poems are based upon feeling, but that may be just me. Who knows...but this poem was good. I liked your last line the best about the barbed wire and it being a prison. Good job! ~Jess

Kiss, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for bliss.

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