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Teen Poetry #7
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your hand or mine
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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your hand or mine |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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its your hand or mine this is my choice, my hands, my life, my knife. this is my pain, my release, my breath, my dea*h. these are my thoughts, my scars, my tears, my fears. these are the simplistic ideas that continuously run inside of my mind when years become so desperate. i hold onto small hopes while falling into deepest dreamt sorrow, this makes my life so hard, so long, and i've become so desperate. forget the nights when we raised our hands together, your arm in mine, summer fades so desperately. smile parade in time, in mind, not during whitened winter, they tug at the lips, at the corners of our mouths so desperately. contrast your thoughts against prayers of mine, so where fo we run from here so desperate? imagine where we'll be, imagine the things we'll say, it'll never happen here because for the last time, i've become so emotionally desperate now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
great job! |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
This is really really good. I liked it a lot. Good job, and thanks for the read. It's going in my library. Jen I hate what I've become to esacpe what I was. |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
Another one I love from you! Beautiful poem, I especially love the end. Thank you for sharing and this is going in my library. W.W. |
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Olive_8 Junior Member
since 2003-09-20
Posts 41Canada |
This is without a doubt the best poem that i have ever read....well done! it is going into my favs.... You shouldn't kiss me like this unless you mean it like that, cuz I'll just close my eyes and I won't know where I'm at |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
thanks so much guys. i really like the comments!! if theres anything you dont like let me know so i can consider revisions.-alex now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is a really really good poem... this is really very similar to my life...... in and out of depression and as some would say 'insane thoughts'..... hope to see more of your work.... this is me.... like it or not.... |
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PrincessNets Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 103NewYork, USA |
THis was a really good poem. I think it was really awesome how you listed out your thoughts, it gives the poem sort of a life of its' own. Can't wait to read more. ~Jeanette~ |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
personally i didn't like this one that much(not to say it wasn't creative) but the start was different and i liked it but then as i read on into the seconded part my interest in the poem dwindled greatly. i hope this helps you but i don't think anything should be revised but just used as a learning experience. keep writing when you live you begin to die |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
emotionally desperate....eerrrrrrrrrr |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
I liked most of this, but some parts in the last paragraph/stanza kinda confused me, but other than that, good job. I soak up all the pain, and accept it in silence~DMX |
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