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Dark Poetry #4

Death

KuruShio
Member

since 2003-11-18

Posts 110

0 posted 2005-07-21 08:35 PM

I am all that was death,
Before death became me.
In becomming death,
I am become all that I am.

As I dance with the Devil
She dances with me,
The sky turns to blood
But its all I can see.

The blood on the walls,
Runs fast, runs free,
To remind me of death,
To remind you, of me.

These fleeting, faces, flew,
So fast, so far, so free,
In flight, they fought anew
For they forgot to pay the fee

Two coins for my boatman,
Their souls they pay, to me.

Neither night nor day can give me purchase only purged dust on earth can avenge the worthless.
KuruShio (DeadlyBob)

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2005-07-24 11:35 PM

I like this very much. Not so sure about the fourth line of the first stanza. It was refreshing to see the Devil portrayed as female. I'd work on punctuation, though. Not all of the commas in the first line of the fourth stanza were needed. And I would add one in the last line to make it "Their souls, they pay, to me."

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

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