"Twas The Night Before Christmas At Balladeer's House""...yea, annual post garbage

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

0 posted 2003-12-10 02:41 PM

Okay...a little history first...I post this awful
thing every year...For those of you that don't know,
Balladeer owns and operates a Pest Control company,
LongJohn is another old poster,
the guy that inflicted me on you poor souls and brought me here.

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas/Holiday...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring
(You can bet not a mouse)

Poor Balladeer,
Was all snug in his bed,
While vi$ion$ of cockroache$
Danced thru his head.

Milk and cheap cookies,
Were left by the hearth,
A package of Pepto,
In case Santa should barf.

All of a sudden,
He heard such a clatter,
He jumped outta bed
To see what's the matter.

Up on the rooftop,
Santa was twitching,
The reindeer were scratching,
Shaking and itching.

With Balladeer's knowledge
Without hesitation,
He knew the answer
A FLEA INFESTATION!

He ran next store,
To his old buddy LongJohn
Got his girlfriend's bathsoap,
(Walmart Diazinon)

He opened the top,
Put in on Blitzen,
On Prancer-on Dancer,
And finally Vixen.

(You've heard of Vixen,
That reindeer so weird,
She once had this "thing"
For our sweet Balladeer).

The reindeer were better,
It was almost eleven,
Santa kept itching,
'Deer dusted with "Sevin"

Then Santa went off,
He yelled over his sack,
"Be nice to Toerag
Or I won't come back."

[This message has been edited by Toerag (12-10-2003 04:19 PM).]

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

1 posted 2003-12-10 02:45 PM

LOL that was cute...I think when I have kids I'll read it to them

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2003-12-10 02:47 PM

It would not be Christmas
without you tugging at their chains...

I'm sure you've another one
in your bag of tricks...

yes?

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2003-12-10 03:09 PM

I forgot to save this last year, so I'll save it this year and read it to my great-grandchildren on Christmas Eve.

LOL I wish I could have seen your face when you read the preceding sentence. ~ I was just pulling your toe!

Loves 'n Laughs,
EA

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

4 posted 2003-12-10 03:10 PM

Whatever the season
It rips away cares
When Toe has those scoundrels
Lined in wit's crosshairs

Merry Christmas to even
That sailor and stag
And thanks for this story
By Mistle-Toe-Rag!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2003-12-10 03:21 PM

I love this!
And....it just wouldn't be Christmas at Passions without it!
Hugs and all the best to you and yours!

~ Let peace begin with me...

Alicat
Member Elite

since 1999-05-23

Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

6 posted 2003-12-10 03:25 PM

Heh...good to read you again, good old ToeJammerHammer...or maybe that was week old Jello with overripe bananas and tofu. *insert tummy groan here*

And so it was, after reading much ado about you on old 'deer's Toerag pages...by the by, how is Blowup Sue? Give a kiss and hug for me next time she whizzes by. Do look forward to more of you and of course old 'deer, and don't forget the mistletoe inserted on both sides of ToeNose. Sure it may itch a tad, but I've heard 'deer has the salve. Well known for in fact, as it weren't just Santa who got some of that. Fact, I hear the Mrs. is expecting another elf real soon that ain't old Santa's boon. But that's a tail for another tale.

Alicat the Persnikitty Coot

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

7 posted 2003-12-10 03:37 PM

Happy holiday Toe.

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

8 posted 2003-12-10 04:12 PM

thank you all for the kind replies and especially to Sharon for adding some class to this poor excuse for a poem....luvyall

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

9 posted 2003-12-10 04:21 PM

You sure have enough class without my help, and this was truly delightful Toe. I had not read this one before and so glad you posted it, maybe your "old poets" will come out and play now? Merry Christmas to you Mr. Toerag - you are truly a real delight around here. May you continued to be blessed with good health and humor too

Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.

[This message has been edited by Mysteria (12-10-2003 04:22 PM).]

Bonnie j
Senior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 1588
Ohio

10 posted 2003-12-10 04:31 PM

I know dear Toe you will enjoy this info.
HeeHee
Love Bon-Bon

According to the Alaska Dept of Fish & Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female. We should have known. Only women, while pregnant, would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, not get lost, meet an impossible deadline, and do it all out of good will.

[This message has been edited by Bonnie j (12-10-2003 04:32 PM).]

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

11 posted 2003-12-10 04:45 PM

Now I find it hard to believe that anything that's that "horny" all year long could be female?....And poor Santa is like Balladeer...he only "comes" once a year?

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

12 posted 2003-12-10 05:56 PM

Well, I didn't think it was funny then and I don't think it's funny now.

Hilarious, yes, but not funny!!

Good to see ya, mousebreath...perhaps I can cook up a special gift just for you, us being such pals and all

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

13 posted 2003-12-10 07:10 PM

Hiya Toe! Glad you are keeping up old traditions! Enjoyed this much!

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Happy Holidays!

Corinne

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

14 posted 2003-12-10 07:30 PM

One of the things I have missed the most at Passions is the banter between Dear Balladeer and the Toe-Raggedy Man, with guest appearances by Long John the Sailor Man. LOL You go, Toe - too damned funny ha ha ha ha ha ha

Merry Christmas

Caroline

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

15 posted 2003-12-10 07:34 PM

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

16 posted 2003-12-10 08:17 PM

Hey, Toerag!!!

I'm so glad that you came out to play. see, you
got Deer wanting to play, too. Maybe ole Long John,
the sailor Man will come on in here, too. Ya'll
are just so funny!!
(Pssstt!!! Have you heard any good jokes lately? LOL)
See you later, my friend.

Happy Holidays,

Ethel

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

17 posted 2003-12-15 07:32 AM

Dirty rotten scoundrel! If Susan hears about my girlfriend I'm dead meat!

[This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (12-15-2003 07:33 AM).]

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

18 posted 2003-12-15 08:19 PM

LOL and I thought you three were dozed in.
You must have heard me yelling Toe, even before I put my poem to you three on paper.

This one gave me an oldfashion laugh, thanks.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

19 posted 2003-12-16 01:43 AM

Yo Toe... Merry X-mas and Happy New Years... may you find fruit cake a plenty in your stockings... Peace my friend!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.