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Teen Poetry #6
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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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ShadyMakaveli Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 128 |
Running out of breath Getting closer to death Not physically, but mentally Not even coincidentally Been on a grind Affecting my mind Wondering how much i can take Don't wanna collapse, ready to break For inner strength i seek At times totally weak Finding ways to carry on Feelings i fail to act upon When will i learn Strive for what i yearn Need to be content Every word i meant Happiness is close yet far Came a long way, aiming to be a star |
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| © Copyright 2002 ShadyMakaveli - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
There was a really nice flow here that was encouraged by some really good rhyming. I don't normally go for poems that take an AA,BB rhyming pattern, sometimes I find them all too naive and simplistic to the point of depression...however this is the exception. You did a really good job with this. Congrats. Michelle. ~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~ |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
i really like this poem. i think that many diverse people can interprate this poem in their own ways which makes it so unique. you have a very interesting style of writing and i like it. keep writing!  |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I agree with AngelShell about the rhyme scheme, except that this was an exception...  I think you should break away from this and adapt something else. A nice shift is an interlocking rhyme scheme? Those work out rather well and are easy to master.If you want a lot of practice rhyming, spend some time writing villanelles.  I like the ending, but it kind of came out of nowhere. Still, a good poem. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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