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Poetry Challenge!
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My Sestina for Eor's challenge
| Poetry Challenge! |
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My Sestina for Eor's challenge |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
I'm just going to put this one in here, so I can stop torturing myself with trying this. I also put this in Open and would have linked to it, but don't know how. So here I'm putting it in here as well. Hope that's ok. Thanks. The girl sits still looking at the floor. She’d look anywhere to avoid her mother’s eyes. That lost, lonely look that she always finds inside is too much for a little girl to bare and so she clutches her hands together and stares at the cracks and the gap through layers and layers of thickened air. She listens to the air as she counts the lines along the floor and tries to lift her eyes up to surpass the gap. But, the air is too heavy for a little girl’s eyes and she only lifts them up enough to reach her mother’s hands. Even that amount of effort makes her shake, scared inside. Her mother always lied about what was inside her mind and filled her days with fantasies like artificial air that they breath in and choke on and fall onto their hands. The little girl cries as she falls onto the floor and crawls away to escape from the sting of her mother’s eyes. But, she forgets about the cracks and falls into the massive gap. Her mother stands above the gap and reaches her hands out to the girl inside. But, the girl can’t look up into those eyes and can only hide away below as her mother’s cries and pleadings fill the air. Her only safety is the floor and she stays there with her head in her hands. She cannot bare to pull away to reach for her mother’s hands because safety begs her not to change and not to try to close the gap. Her mother now rests on the floor her tears running into the hole and filling it up inside. The little girl screams for her mother to stop the pain from her eyes because she’s drowning down here; but her words only reach air as her mother cries on forgetting why, but liking how the air listens to her and carries her voice and she pushes herself up with her hands. She wipes at her eyes and washes her face clean from the water in the gap. She smiles down at the beautiful lake and her reflection that shines inside and brushing off the dust, wonders at her behavior lying on a floor. The mother’s heels click across the floor and she focuses her eyes on all the happy thoughts inside her head swinging her hands and leaving behind the water-filled gap as her laughter fills the air. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
very nice, i liked this. i know this form is hard, it really makes you cringe and get frustraited...but you did a much better job than i did.. "So what befalls the flawless? |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
you packed plenty of emotion into this! really good job!  |
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Endlessecho Member
since 2003-09-05
Posts 398I live within myself |
Thank you guys! And I doubt it Eor.. you need to put your's on here!  I can't wait to read it. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
hmmmm...maybe... |
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