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Passions in Poetry

My Sestina for Eor's challenge

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Endlessecho
Member
since 09-05-2003
Posts 402
I live within myself


0 posted 02-05-2004 03:33 PM       View Profile for Endlessecho   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Endlessecho


I'm just going to put this one in here, so I can stop torturing myself with trying this.  I also put this in Open and would have linked to it, but don't know how.  So here I'm putting it in here as well.  Hope that's ok.  Thanks.

The girl sits still looking at the floor.
Sheíd look anywhere to avoid her motherís eyes.
That lost, lonely look that she always finds inside
is too much for a little girl to bare and so she clutches her hands
together and stares at the cracks and the gap
through layers and layers of thickened air.

She listens to the air
as she counts the lines along the floor
and tries to lift her eyes up to surpass the gap.
But, the air is too heavy for a little girlís eyes
and she only lifts them up enough to reach her motherís hands.
Even that amount of effort makes her shake, scared inside.

Her mother always lied about what was inside
her mind and filled her days with fantasies like artificial air
that they breath in and choke on and fall onto their hands.
The little girl cries as she falls onto the floor
and crawls away to escape from the sting of her motherís eyes.
But, she forgets about the cracks and falls into the massive gap.

Her mother stands above the gap
and reaches her hands out to the girl inside.
But, the girl canít look up into those eyes
and can only hide away below as her motherís cries and pleadings fill the air.
Her only safety is the floor
and she stays there with her head in her hands.

She cannot bare to pull away to reach for her motherís hands
because safety begs her not to change and not to try to close the gap.
Her mother now rests on the floor
her tears running into the hole and filling it up inside.
The little girl screams for her mother to stop the pain from her eyes
because sheís drowning down here; but her words only reach air

as her mother cries on forgetting why, but liking how the air
listens to her and carries her voice and she pushes herself up with her hands.
She wipes at her eyes
and washes her face clean from the water in the gap.
She smiles down at the beautiful lake and her reflection that shines inside
and brushing off the dust, wonders at her behavior lying on a floor.

The motherís heels click across the floor and she focuses her eyes
on all the happy thoughts inside her head swinging her hands
and leaving behind the water-filled gap as her laughter fills the air.

eor
Senior Member
since 09-26-2002
Posts 968
blues & greys


1 posted 02-05-2004 04:51 PM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

very nice, i liked this. i know this form is hard, it really makes you cringe and get frustraited...but you did a much better job than i did..

"So what befalls the flawless?
Look what I've built, it shines so beautifully now watch as it destroys me."

muted
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-15-2004
Posts 3021
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving


2 posted 02-05-2004 05:27 PM       View Profile for muted   Email muted   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for muted

you packed plenty of emotion into this!
really good job!
Endlessecho
Member
since 09-05-2003
Posts 402
I live within myself


3 posted 02-06-2004 08:41 AM       View Profile for Endlessecho   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Endlessecho

Thank you guys!  

And I doubt it Eor.. you need to put your's on here!     I can't wait to read it.
eor
Senior Member
since 09-26-2002
Posts 968
blues & greys


4 posted 02-07-2004 02:48 AM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

hmmmm...maybe...
 
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