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Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

0 posted 2002-04-13 03:06 PM

I'm not happy with the ending..Heeeellppp:P please..It's driving me insane!!

Perhaps
At the beginning
Of this stimulating friendship
I failed to mention
The conditions of my heart
And fleeting dreams
Of how at times
I can be found running
And hide myself away
In shadows
Of the past
Flirting with emotions
That weren't meant to last
And at times
You can also
Find me running back into your arms
Pleading for forgiveness
For any damage
I might have caused
Yet in all reality
In the end
You laugh at me
Calling me you're
Silly little Pixie Girl
And reassuring me
That I could never
Really cause you any intial harm...

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (04-13-2002 03:08 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

1 posted 2002-04-13 03:14 PM

(smiles) Oh Kristen, this is soooooo beautiful, I think the ending is powerful but if you would like help on it, maybe to sharpen it up you can use parallelism, like the poem starts out with "perhaps", and somehow you can close the poem using "perhaps" also! (kiss on cheek) This is excellent, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kristen, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

peaches73533
Senior Member

since 2001-11-04

Posts 981
OK, USA

2 posted 2002-04-13 03:31 PM

I enjoyed this.
peaches

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

3 posted 2002-04-13 03:32 PM

yes i agree with noah..
or you could change this

Yet in all reality
In the end

to this in the end of the poem

yet in all reality
Will there be an ending?..Perhaps

Just a thought..I enjoyed reading very much

~Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (04-13-2002 05:07 PM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2002-04-13 04:40 PM

Yes...I agree with Noah, Kristen.
Adding the word 'perhaps' to the ending would somehow make it feel a bit more complete.
I do love it though....nice thoughts here.
~Hugs~

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