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Passions in Poetry

Give And Get in Poetry

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moonbeam
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125 posted 04-08-2009 03:46 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Bob

I thought we were doing discussion here and poems in the other thread.  But ok.  Be right back on this.

Mike

Ron is very quiet indeed, I hope he is well and not incapacitated in any way. I don't think Bob is missing the point really, just making a different point.  Just because Ron axed the forum it doesn't mean we can't have some sensible discussion about why, and how in the future a forum might be made to work.  Nothing is ever final.  Understanding is always productive.  

moonbeam
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126 posted 04-08-2009 05:09 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

A young mare, stippled
with hints of first light
scratches a flank
against a favorite
post in her stall.
It still bears the mill
marks of raw lumber.
The ocean wind blows in
across the salt marshes.
Out of this ambiguity
first features appear,
first sounds gather and spill.

Immediate impressions: falls in my category of "beautiful incomprehensibility".  And I mean most possibilities: "beautiful and incomprehensible", "beautiful but incomprehensible",  "beautiful because incomprehensible", and even maybe "incomprehensible because beautiful".   And perhaps if I was able to assign specificity of meaning it would be less attractive.  

Having said that I'd feel happier if the incomprehensibility was a general one, but in this instance it relates to the central proposition "this ambiguity".  It's such a point of inescapable linguistic precision.  There is an ambiguity - look for it!  I just wonder if it isn't demanding too much.  And perhaps such clarity of demand isn't required?  Because generally I'm taking away and impression of the age old theme of birth and death; the never ending circle.  The new born scratching her ribs (echoes of lumber marks - liked) against the rawly dead lumber, the pleasure of life in death.  Incidentally I loved the sudden shift of focus from the mare (beautiful opening line - stippled and hints work well sonically) onto the post.  Not sure about L8 -9.  They act as a kind of pause, a stocktaking, maybe a reflection on the apparently continuity and stability of the wind and the marshes, versus the instability of blood and sap.  Intellectually I am not sure that this is entirely convincing, and is a somewhat well worn theme in any event.  But the pause is "right" for the poem I think, coming as it does before the final postulate.  The close engages with the idea of creation from contradiction, and while again, beautifully written and sonically lovely, I'm pulled towards a rationalisation that, for me, detracts a little from a simple pleasure in the sound and tone of the piece.

Just my first impressions Bob.

  
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127 posted 04-08-2009 05:22 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

First impression????

Can't wait until you get more specific!
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128 posted 04-08-2009 05:23 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



quote:

Immediate impressions: falls in my category of "beautiful incomprehensibility".  And I mean most possibilities: "beautiful and incomprehensible", "beautiful but incomprehensible",  "beautiful because incomprehensible", and even maybe "incomprehensible because beautiful".   And perhaps if I was able to assign specificity of meaning it would be less attractive.  

Having said that I'd feel happier if the incomprehensibility was a general one, but in this instance it relates to the central proposition "this ambiguity".  It's such a point of inescapable linguistic precision.  There is an ambiguity - look for it!  I just wonder if it isn't demanding too much.  And perhaps such clarity of demand isn't required?  Because generally I'm taking away and impression of the age old theme of birth and death; the never ending circle.  The new born scratching her ribs (echoes of lumber marks - liked) against the rawly dead lumber, the pleasure of life in death.  Incidentally I loved the sudden shift of focus from the mare (beautiful opening line - stippled and hints work well sonically) onto the post.  Not sure about L8 -9.  They act as a kind of pause, a stocktaking, maybe a reflection on the apparently continuity and stability of the wind and the marshes, versus the instability of blood and sap.  Intellectually I am not sure that this is entirely convincing, and is a somewhat well worn theme in any event.  But the pause is "right" for the poem I think, coming as it does before the final postulate.  The close engages with the idea of creation from contradiction, and while again, beautifully written and sonically lovely, I'm pulled towards a rationalisation that, for me, detracts a little from a simple pleasure in the sound and tone of the piece.

Just my first impressions Bob.





     Okay, Rob.  Now I've been working on this thing for a long time, and eventually I may take a shot at publication.  But I'm pretty detached from it now.  So what I suggest as an exercise for you, or anyone else who's interested, is to think of it as something that you've written — for purposes of criticism, yes? — and to think about what you'd need to do to finish it as one of your poems.  That will serve, first of all, to highlight the differences of the choices and sorts of choices that I make from the sorts of choices you make.

     It doesn't matter whose choices are better.

     There is no better for our purposes here, there's only different, and the attempt to understand why did he or she do this as opposed to that, and what are the advantages and what are the disadvantages?

     It may also give you some understanding of what I might say about some of the choices you make in some of your poems, and why.  

     This is one of the ways we begin to learn from each other.

     One of my own poetry values, by the way, is that I want my poems to be prose-paraphrasable from beginning to end.  So if you tell me that I am both beautiful and incomprehensible in this poem, flags go up for me.  I want the plot of my poems to be clear, so I want to know where the incomprehensibility lies and what the incomprehensibility may actually be so I can fix it.  This may be a right reaction on my part or not, I don't know yet, but this is where my curiosity is drawn.

     Another place it's drawn is to the notion of beautiful.  I'd like my poems to be beautiful, but I'm very nervous about the word.  To me it often is a word in a piece of feedback that gives away an over-sentimentality or a saccharine quality in a piece of poetry.  It shows an underlying flaw in a work.  Not that I don't want a piece to be beautiful, you see, but hearing about it also sets of  loud alarms.

     All these demands from my internal reader of criticism must not get in the way of actually hearing what you've said.  The is something shopworn about the central conceit of the poem, and about the turn that happens about lines 8 and 9.  While the music is fine, I haven't taken a big enough leap here, and leave the reader unsurprised and unshaken.  This is something that I had not seen for myself, for all the work I'd put into the poem, and even if I gain nothing else from having taken the risk of having put it out here, will have in itself have repaid that risk tenfold.  Thank you.  Give and get.

     Now of course, it remains to be seen whether I can return the favor.  And whether it can be spread around to others.

  
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129 posted 04-08-2009 05:24 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



quote:

Immediate impressions: falls in my category of "beautiful incomprehensibility".  And I mean most possibilities: "beautiful and incomprehensible", "beautiful but incomprehensible",  "beautiful because incomprehensible", and even maybe "incomprehensible because beautiful".   And perhaps if I was able to assign specificity of meaning it would be less attractive.  

Having said that I'd feel happier if the incomprehensibility was a general one, but in this instance it relates to the central proposition "this ambiguity".  It's such a point of inescapable linguistic precision.  There is an ambiguity - look for it!  I just wonder if it isn't demanding too much.  And perhaps such clarity of demand isn't required?  Because generally I'm taking away and impression of the age old theme of birth and death; the never ending circle.  The new born scratching her ribs (echoes of lumber marks - liked) against the rawly dead lumber, the pleasure of life in death.  Incidentally I loved the sudden shift of focus from the mare (beautiful opening line - stippled and hints work well sonically) onto the post.  Not sure about L8 -9.  They act as a kind of pause, a stocktaking, maybe a reflection on the apparently continuity and stability of the wind and the marshes, versus the instability of blood and sap.  Intellectually I am not sure that this is entirely convincing, and is a somewhat well worn theme in any event.  But the pause is "right" for the poem I think, coming as it does before the final postulate.  The close engages with the idea of creation from contradiction, and while again, beautifully written and sonically lovely, I'm pulled towards a rationalisation that, for me, detracts a little from a simple pleasure in the sound and tone of the piece.

Just my first impressions Bob.





     Okay, Rob.  Now I've been working on this thing for a long time, and eventually I may take a shot at publication.  But I'm pretty detached from it now.  So what I suggest as an exercise for you, or anyone else who's interested, is to think of it as something that you've written — for purposes of criticism, yes? — and to think about what you'd need to do to finish it as one of your poems.  That will serve, first of all, to highlight the differences of the choices and sorts of choices that I make from the sorts of choices you make.

     It doesn't matter whose choices are better.

     There is no better for our purposes here, there's only different, and the attempt to understand why did he or she do this as opposed to that, and what are the advantages and what are the disadvantages?

     It may also give you some understanding of what I might say about some of the choices you make in some of your poems, and why.  

     This is one of the ways we begin to learn from each other.

     One of my own poetry values, by the way, is that I want my poems to be prose-paraphrasable from beginning to end.  So if you tell me that I am both beautiful and incomprehensible in this poem, flags go up for me.  I want the plot of my poems to be clear, so I want to know where the incomprehensibility lies and what the incomprehensibility may actually be so I can fix it.  This may be a right reaction on my part or not, I don't know yet, but this is where my curiosity is drawn.

     Another place it's drawn is to the notion of beautiful.  I'd like my poems to be beautiful, but I'm very nervous about the word.  To me it often is a word in a piece of feedback that gives away an over-sentimentality or a saccharine quality in a piece of poetry.  It shows an underlying flaw in a work.  Not that I don't want a piece to be beautiful, you see, but hearing about it also sets of  loud alarms.

     All these demands from my internal reader of criticism must not get in the way of actually hearing what you've said.  The is something shopworn about the central conceit of the poem, and about the turn that happens about lines 8 and 9.  While the music is fine, I haven't taken a big enough leap here, and leave the reader unsurprised and unshaken.  This is something that I had not seen for myself, for all the work I'd put into the poem, and even if I gain nothing else from having taken the risk of having put it out here, will have in itself have repaid that risk tenfold.  Thank you.  Give and get.

     Now of course, it remains to be seen whether I can return the favor.  And whether it can be spread around to others.

     There will of course be contributions by others and by yourself that will push and pull the process in all sorts of interesting ways.  Let's see what happens.

  
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130 posted 04-08-2009 07:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Bob, in case you are not aware you can use the edit function to add a line to a previous entry. It's not necessary to repeat the entire comment in order to add a line. I'm thinking perhaps you didn't know that..
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131 posted 04-08-2009 09:11 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



     Thanks, Mike.  I did in fact know that.  I in fact did that, or something like that — I get confused around these pieces of electronics — and it printed me out an entire new entry, which I never know how to get rid of.  They leave me baffled and looking at the world through egg colored glasses.

     Any suggestions, since this sort of thing happen to me with baffling irregularity, and I can't figure it out?  And what do you think of the discussion, by the way?

Mr. Bob
moonbeam
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132 posted 04-09-2009 04:39 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Thanks Bob.  Just got in from a longish drive, and another tomorrow, but I'll be back on this as soon as I can, and your very interesting suggestions; oh yes, and the word "beautiful"

Rob

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133 posted 04-09-2009 06:13 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Bob, you can always take the duplicate entry, hit the edit button, delete everything in it and they type in Oops! Double entry...or something similar. I don't really understand why you can't simply edit the first reply and add another line at the bottom. That's the normal way...
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134 posted 04-09-2009 06:54 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


Dear Mike,

           I did edit the first, and add another line at the bottom.  What you see is what was the result.  I will take your suggestion, however.  I find the double printing as annoying as you do.

     And since when did you start to expect me to do anything the normal way?  Out of pure curiosity?  

Bob Kaven
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135 posted 04-10-2009 07:48 AM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I don't think you're editing, Bob, you're hitting your BACK button to seemingly change your post. Except that doesn't change anything, it just creates a new post.

Look for this icon    in your last post? Click on it. That is editing.  
moonbeam
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136 posted 04-10-2009 04:22 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Oh wow Ron, a sighting.     Remind me to bribe Nan to let you beat her at Scrabble every time I want to be outspoken round here, it seems to, uh, divert your attention.  

Working on this now Bob.
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137 posted 04-11-2009 03:08 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

Here is a better example of the "points of appropriateness" that I suggested could go on the reply page:

http://www.geocities.com/ednewenglish/Example.htm

Wouldn't people be clearer about and more mindful of the appropriateness expected in the forum if it were listed in such a way?  

moonbeam
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138 posted 04-11-2009 04:06 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Very clever Ess, and also very convincing.  

I still think that there should be implied some expectation that if someone posts a starter posts they should be encouraged to respond to respondees.  I am not saying they should be obliged to do so as clearly there are times when responses are not necessary or appropriate, but I think that commonsense has to prevail and repeated posts without any effort whatsoever to respond to comments should be discouraged firstly with a request, then a firm request, then an instruction, and then removal of the posts to Open.

But generally I think your formatting, and the thought behind it is very positive.
moonbeam
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139 posted 04-11-2009 05:20 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

I think you've picked up on the main uncertainty I had about the poem Bob - which was uncertainty itself.  And is not being certain such a bad thing?  Is an allowance for flexibility of interpretation sometimes not a worthy goal, or at least spin-off?  I suspect the answer to that depends somewhat on how and why it arises.

For me it's all about signposts Bob.  I've noticed that sometimes I connect better with poetry written from within my own culture.  And I mean culture in its narrowest and widest senses, not just national boundaries or ethnic group.  Here is a poem I "get", and also like:

Julia Lewis
On returning your homework
http://www.poetrysociety.org.uk/content/competitions/npc/npc06/npcjulialewis/

(Thanks Ron, PiP is different to other sites, I keep forgetting)


This poem is, to my mind, neatly packaged, wrapped and clearly addressed, leaving little room for ambiguity while at the same time making interesting comments about "life and relationships" and clever tangential observations.  I would not however describe it as particularly "beautiful", nor does it really tackle a large universal theme.

In contrast, your poem reminds me of some of Mary Oliver's work, venturing into the "unknown" in a way that depends as much on how something is said as what is said.  Does this cut across your suggestion that your work should ideally be "prose-paraphrasable from beginning to end"?  I think it at least makes me question it.  Maybe you wish your poems to be prose-paraphrasable, but maybe this particular poem doesn't want to be that.  And perhaps it has gained a good deal in its evolution from idea to poem, which could not be captured by any prose summary.   Yes, this poem resonates for me with elements that can be found in the work of  two of my favourite poets, Hughes and Oliver.  This brings me to the matter of "beautiful".  Oliver certainly writes beautiful poetry but in no way saccharinely sentimental, and as for Hughes, well much of his nature poetry is beautiful in a muscular kind of way.  And this is what I meant by calling your poem beautiful - how can the three images not be beautiful: the mare with hints of first light, the marked post and the salt marshes.  Those images, animated by the action of the mare and the wind, simply exude beauty, in a good and evocative way.  And I'm sure that was intended.

Similarly I did not mean to imply that the central idea (as I saw it) of life, death, cycles, beginnings and endings was in anyway "shopworn" - can such ideas or contemplations ever be worn out?  I think not.  Man will go on happily speculating and discussing until time really does end for him.  No, what can be "shopworn" isn't the idea, so much as the mode of expression.  And I also didn't mean to imply that your words were in any way tired or overused.  Rather the opposite in fact, because, as I said, I like what I hear a lot.  All I was doing was speculating on your theme and hoping I was establishing a "valid" reading in assuming that you were tackling those universal issues.

And the reason for the speculation is that you are right to say that I am struggling with what you call the turn at L8-9 and the way in which this sets up the closure.  It's difficult to be more specific about why I'm struggling, because for one thing I'm tired, and for another I'm finding it very difficult to rephrase what you've written in a way that gives it a clarity that I recognise.  In fact, I'm rather of the opinion that you've posted a poem that defies reshaping, unless such reshaping becomes total reconstruction.  However I'm still thinking, or I will be when I've had some sleep.  

Rob

[This message has been edited by moonbeam (04-12-2009 04:46 AM).]

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140 posted 04-11-2009 05:34 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

Thanks Moonbeam

Before you suggest anything make sure to ask "Would Ron approve of it" at least twenty times.

An implied expectation for members to respond: would Ron approve of it?

A threat of removal of post to Open if they don't respond: would Ron approve of it?




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141 posted 04-11-2009 08:17 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



     If Ron disapproves, he will say so.  He tries to be good about that.  If not right away, then later.
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142 posted 04-11-2009 08:58 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


Dear Rob,

          First, thanks for the Julia Lewis poem.  She's very good, and is very good in this culture as well as in the UK.  Very solid, very fine, very controlled.  She's a gem, and thank you for the introduction.  It's not a cultural difference, her is a good poem and mine is a failed poem that I'm trying to get some sort of grip on.  It may be a good poem someday, but it sure isn't now, and the reason why is why I presented it.  Your suggestions are as good as anybody's.  It has some decent qualities.  No need to go into an English politeness frenzy at having said some useful things or at being taken seriously for saying them; that's what the poem wants and needs, and that's what I want and need if I'm to actually have a hope of getting the narcissism out of my eyes, and actually seeing the poem plainly, for what it is, and then being able to make the changes that the poem needs to have made to it so that the poem can thrive on its own.

     Right now it survives only because I look in on it occasionally and puzzle over it.  I don't have a clear view of it.

     When I was in school, the Poet Galway Kinnell was teaching one of the classes.  He was working on The Book of Nightmares at the time, which after almost 40 years is still in print as a book.  To have any book still in print after 40 years is phenomenal; but a book of poetry is beyond that, by lightyears.  He brought in the section of the book where he wrote, I believe, about the bodies that wouldn't stop burning in a field in Vietnam.  It's an amazing piece that could well stand by itself as an amazing poem, but he'd brought it in to a class of poets in Iowa for a look.  I read it over and made a comment or two, and this one guy told him to take this the big chunk of the poem.  When I looked at the poem after it came out, all the changes the class suggested were in there, even the big chunk of what I thought was very fine poem — gone.  Now I thought he might have taken the advice too much to heart, but here it is almost 40 years later, and the book's still in print.  And it's a darn fine book, too.  It still makes my hair stand on end, especially when I try reading parts of it out loud.

     I don't imagine anybody here will try that, it's too difficult and too trusting and wouldn't be warranted, but it might be possible to get our skills to the point where we could offer and get feedback that clear.  You weren't wrong, Rob, you simply got shy about what you were saying.  As I look at the poem, I tend to think you may be right, but aren't sure where or how, and are afraid of being more specific.

     There are lots of places it isn't polite to be more specific when being asked for criticism, and lots of places where it may not work out well.  I can understand why you're nervous about the matter.  Keep in mind that for the time being, it's your poem.  You can do whatever you want with it.  It won't say a thing, and it's not going to tell me while you aren't looking.  Imagine what the poem wants, not what I want.  I don't matter here.  It's the poem that matters.  I'm always thrilled to be happy, mind you, but what makes me feel best is a happy poem, one that feels alive and whole in itself.

     You have some wonderful material by JM to work with on your poem, and I'll be happy to see how you react to what see has to say, and happy to see what you have to say about her effort.  This is looking like a pretty interesting effort here.  I hope that this is as useful for you and JM as it is for me.

     Anyone else is welcome to join in, but remember, we have enough poems to work on right now, and we need some folks to comment to start off with before you start bringing some of your stuff in.  We're being experimental here and trying to work things out as we go.  There's an exercise at the beginning of the thread that you might want to start with.  There's also an interesting exercise by Jim Simmerman that Grinch looked up for us.  If you follow out his work on that poem in his draft, you can see he came a fair distance and could pick up where he left off without much trouble, or might try something else if he wanted.  Not that I give Grinch a hint. Grinch.  Grinch?

All by best,

Bob Kaven
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143 posted 04-11-2009 09:07 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

quote:
If Ron disapproves, he will say so.  He tries to be good about that.  If not right away, then later.


Indeed, unless he said it many times in the past already. Using what Ron said in the past seems like the best whetstone for sharpening the suggestion we give him in the present.  Otherwise it is just a weary disagreement between what we suggest and what he believes in.  


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144 posted 04-12-2009 05:02 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam



quote:
Before you suggest anything make sure to ask "Would Ron approve of it" at least twenty times.

An implied expectation for members to respond: would Ron approve of it?

A threat of removal of post to Open if they don't respond: would Ron approve of it?

Thanks Ess.

Yep, I'm only too well aware of that stricture.  But while some here may view Ron as God , I don't and neither, I know does he view himself that way.  Ron has been known to change his mind, he is a reasonable person.  Let's look at the facts here.  Ron, from a position of ultimate control, has already openly acknowledged ultimate responsibility for whatever went wrong at CA.  Implicit in that is an acknowledgement that something(s) would have to change to make it work in the future.  We're in new territory now, Ron might (if indeed there is any chance of him wanting to re-open) have to reconsider some aspects of his thinking.  I simply think anything that jeopardises the overarching respect and tolerance guideline should be looked at carefully.  "Spamming" as Pete quite rightly imo called it, does so jeopardise, ergo the attitude to it should be reconsidered.  

And this sort of thing illustrates why your poll question was too simplistic to be really useful.  My answer to your original question would have been "yes".  But my answer to a proposed forum without such controls as I suggested would certainly be "no".

Like I say though, I'm not looking for hard and fast rules, just an "understanding" between a group of mods and quasi-mods that certain behaviour would not be encouraged.  With Go ..  er, I mean Ron's blessing of course.

M

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145 posted 04-12-2009 05:47 AM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



Happy Easter, to everybody who celebrates.
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146 posted 04-12-2009 12:20 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


quote:
Not that I give Grinch a hint. Grinch.  Grinch?


I'm still lurking Bob.

I'm simply taking your advice and slowing things down instead of rushing ahead as I usually do.

You could say that I've gone glacial.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


147 posted 04-12-2009 12:27 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

quote:
Ron, from a position of ultimate control, has already openly acknowledged ultimate responsibility for whatever went wrong at CA.  Implicit in that is an acknowledgement that something(s) would have to change to make it work in the future


I agree.  But I am not so sure Ron believes his general philosophy and belief was the problem, rather than not putting a structure in place to make it work more accordingly.   Ron is strictly against excluding and turning people away, trying to dictate any kind of standard level of participation.  The forum could work with limitations about such things if it were set up well.  But from what Ron said in the past it seems clear he is not interested in that kind of forum.  But likewise the forum could work without such limitations,  if it were set up well.  The moderators and members need to be clear about whether it is ever appropriate or not to turn someone away because they are posting what seems too many poems or are posting extremely sloppy work.  Allow it or limit.  Either may work if set up well. But it needs to be clear and consistent to both moderators and members which it shall be, or else it shall just end up at confusion and problems again.



quote:
But my answer to a proposed forum without such controls as I suggested would certainly be "no".


But that is why I think it wasn't too simple, Moonbeam.  It was just about the general idea.  If people supported the general idea, then we could move on and ask about and discuss more specific things they might prefer for such a forum.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


148 posted 04-12-2009 12:32 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant

quote:
Happy Easter, to everybody who celebrates.


Happy Easter Bob.
 
JenniferMaxwell
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since 09-14-2006
Posts 2275


149 posted 04-12-2009 02:34 PM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

Sorry to be so late in responding to your poem, Bob, had stuff to finish up plus I feel more than a little out of my league, thus rather hesitant about commenting on your work (as well as moonbeam’s) -   procrastinated a bit before publically exposing my critiquing/commenting ineptitude.

This Morning

A young mare, stippled
with hints of first light
scratches a flank
against a favorite
post in her stall.
It still bears the mill
marks of raw lumber.
The ocean wind blows in
across the salt marshes.
Out of this ambiguity
first features appear,
first sounds gather and spill.


Anyway, what I got out of your poem was a little different - to me it seemed like an awakening experience. Hard to explain but sort of an aha moment (This Morning) when a closer look at the ordinary and familiar for some reason seems to connect us with the eternal. The images and sonics are lovely, particularly the image in the opening lines and the lovely whispering s sound in every line.   It’s a very special and beautiful poem, Bob. Thank You.

 
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