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sorry

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Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 786
Could Be Anywhere...


0 posted 07-23-2003 11:06 PM       View Profile for Tramp Poet   Email Tramp Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Tramp Poet's Home Page   View IP for Tramp Poet

An Ending

I round the corner
after long, hard day
hoping, prayingit will all be
just nightmare, unreal.
Hoping that I shall see
house brightly lighted
darling of fifteen years
waiting with smiles, welcome.
The sobs burst out
as I see the darkness
stark loneliness awaits
love doesn't live here anymore.
Sobs chase the pain
all hope drains away
reality comes knocking, hard
my home is dark, it's empty.
Crying from room to room
touching, counting her left behinds
the pictures, the presents, the love.
I drink in the dark, smoking.
booze keeping us all alive
just to hurt another day
numbing the unthinkable
stopping, flooding the tears.
Nothing that was believed in
nothing eternally promised
nothing compounded by nothing
dark, empty...just like me.
I burn the heart out of my ring
tattooed so it would never come off
wondering why I can't feel it
sitting alone, darkling, drinking
tears punctuate the ending.
© Copyright 2003 Daniel James Burt - All Rights Reserved
timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 12-03-2001
Posts 1749
Never close enough


1 posted 07-23-2003 11:56 PM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Gawd!  That is sadly beautiful.  Pulled on my heart strings with that one!

Awesome Write!
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 07-24-2003 01:50 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Not bad... it could use a bit more originality though.  It depends what you're trying to do with this poem, I guess... is it simple "venting" or are you concerned about quality?

Lacks creativity but other than that, not bad.  Thanks for sharing with us.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

 
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