The Hardest Lowercase Sessions: pt. 1

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Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2003-07-09 11:50 PM

upon her plain and weathered back
a photo-tone is sought,
but pebble on her porch will sit,
preparing for a drought.

the stony heartwind dropped her still
neglecting all her thought,
but he is stagnant, standing, framed
and curvatured by doubt.

choose one, or two, or maybe both
would happen on their own;
the pebble sways
and falls below a chest in comatose.

he calls to her, from valiance lost,
while fraying drives the mould:
his company will hold her hand
but ne'er will hold her soul.

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

1 posted 2003-07-12 10:23 AM

Ohh.. lowercase. e e cummings? I couldn't ever do it. Kudos to you. As for the poem itself

"his company will hold her hand
but ne'er will hold her soul."

Gotta love a poem with a story, especially a sad story. I enjoyed this a lot.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2003-07-12 05:15 PM

Erica...

Thank you, very much...

But I need to say that I would -never- copy another poet's technique just for the sake of copying. Metric schemes, other pointers, yeah, but this is hardly an attempt to be like E.E. Cummings...this is me. These are my heartstrings, the way I see them...

The "lowercase" sessions symbolize inferiority, and eventually, the realization that no man or woman is more valuable than another. Believe me, there's more. But that's just the title.

If I had wanted to copy E. E. Cummings' style, I'd have merely changed the words to one of his prettier works (and then thrashed around in bed over the loss of myself somewhere between the lines).

(By the way, I capitalize his name as a sign of respect to him, just as he used lowercase as a sign of humility.

)

Love you Erica, and I hope everything's going alright...lots of *huuuugs*

  ~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
                     -el sol
                        --Zwan

[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (07-12-2003 10:57 PM).]

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

3 posted 2003-07-13 02:08 AM

love your title..
and the last two lines just do the job at the end.
I really don't have an indepth critique since I love this.

You could hurt me with your bare hands. You could hurt me using the sharp edge of what you say. JEWEL

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2003-07-13 03:51 PM

The pebble on the porch, asleep
And dreaming of the sun
A brilliant future, just close-by
New life--the pending one.

I couldn't help myself.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

5 posted 2003-07-13 08:13 PM

You're not forgiven.

Thank you, Temptress... I'm not that concerned about those in-depth critiques, anyway.

~Carly

empty arms
and half a soul to go
-el sol
--Zwan

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2003-07-23 05:18 PM

Wonderful Writing Carly

Andy

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

7 posted 2003-07-23 07:30 PM

this one cuts it deep

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

8 posted 2003-07-24 02:17 PM

Great write those last few lines sum up alot of people's emotions and rule over alot of relationships. Like the new pic

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