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Passions in Poetry

Dependence

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Child of the Stars
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since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


0 posted 03-29-2003 12:00 AM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Child of the Stars

Before the land preserves its dying cloud,
before our mouths amass and scream to bronze,
there silence lies; and in this silence dotes
a swaying curve, that into each release
thrusts glee and gore as always on with peace.

Remember her and love for which she dives,
the grey-gold sun with which she once awoke,
the pasty blushing cheeks on which you land
your only kiss; for when her mountain-lips
are strewn with cold and frost-like verity,
you may forget--'t was you that led the sun
seep through her stretched and aching fingertips.


[This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (03-29-2003 12:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


1 posted 03-29-2003 04:41 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

The imagery and tone of this poem are really good.  I enjoyed this alot, though I'm not sure if the word gore is appropriate in the first stanza.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 03-29-2003 10:25 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This read through like a sonnet.  Without all the rhyming.  But seriously, just like a sonnet otherwise... really, really well done here, Carly.  I loved this.

It's a bit different for your style, but some of your same usual elements are ever-present, like your use of second-person, description of the third party and comparison between the second and third-person figures.... you just love this kind of poem, I know, because you love pointing your finger at the reader and giving them something to feel personally from the poem.  You're good at that stuff, too.

Your imagery, geez, it's just Carly imagery.  You have a mastery over words that makes your images almost impossible to concieve because of how unworldly they are.  I very much admire the talent you employ in this piece....

As for the poem's meaning, well, talk to me on MSN.  This one isn't too terribly deep, but I still like its meaning...

Very well done, sweetheart... great to see you still writing.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Marshalzu
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since 02-15-2001
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Lurking


3 posted 04-02-2003 10:34 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Great writing Carly, I'm glad I got to read this as it is just so rich with imagery. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
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Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 07-23-2003 10:09 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

In fact, it makes me want to see you actually WRITE a sonnet.  Please?

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 11-18-2002
Posts 7451
the ass-end of space


5 posted 07-24-2003 02:57 PM       View Profile for Aenimal   Email Aenimal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Aenimal

gOD, you have a way with images
Wind
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since 10-12-2002
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6 posted 07-24-2003 03:14 PM       View Profile for Wind   Email Wind   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Wind

interesting..I haven't read anything by you before, but thenagain, I just started coming back here. i like the way this was written..I will look for more in the future
 
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