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Passions in Poetry

Vagabond

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 11-18-2002 03:49 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

By step, by step, intruders wake
  From slumber deep, from sleep, do take
  And shudder at his lifting eyes
  That upward, lightly trail
  Do dare to look upon us thus
  Of all response, and all reprise
  Is cast return, by fearful cries.

  I know that I regard you so
  And tempt you inward, inward go
  That warmer than your quilt of snow
  Are coins and paper pills
  Regard you, yet, that what I know
  Is tainted full by bitter ills
  That what you see, and what you will,
  Not stepping both in line,
  A better man, to misery, confines

  For cold as smog that ambles high
  And tops, and flanks both you and I
  These city floors that chase the sky
  That disregard our truer needs
  They are, from fortune, wry
  And held erect by loathesome deeds

  For you, the street constructed wide
  That might you find your rest inside
  For you, the clouds that cloak our skies
  Are written by the ostracized.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (11-18-2002 07:56 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 11-18-2002 04:05 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie



  I know that I regard you so
  And tempt you inward, inward go

  That warmer than your quilt of snow
  Are coins and paper pills
  Regard you, yet, that what I know
  Is tainted full by bitter ills
  That what you see, and what you will,
  Not stepping both in line,
  A better man, to misery, confines
===================================
Lookie what I found!!!!!!  

RHYMES DIVINE!!!!

This was a treat for the tongue and ears to read aloud!! For a moth that craves cadence..you just made me day

love your rhythm and meter.

As always your writing leaves me impressed poet sir...
ya write mighty fine for a parasite

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 11-18-2002 04:12 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

You map well
the dimensions of the floor
and the snow gone sky.
bsquirrel
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since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


3 posted 11-18-2002 04:15 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

P.S. Thank you for inspiring that poem.
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 11-18-2002 04:20 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

JM, thanks for the thoughtful reply... you're the best stalker I've ever had!

Mike?  I inspired something?  Oh cool... well your poem "acoustic guitar" inspired one of my poems in Teen #5, so I guess we're even...

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 11-18-2002 05:38 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I will take the bait. Which one?
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 11-18-2002 07:50 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Praise allah...



you KNOW what a dunce I am with meter---y'wanna fill me in on this'n? Always envious for the perfect flow you achieve--and the last line...is so perfect--so yummy it is lickable (told ya once before I'm bad at critique--heh heh? )

Get in touch, will ya?
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


7 posted 11-21-2002 09:41 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

For cold as smog that ambles high
  And tops, and flanks both you and I
  These city floors that chase the sky
  That disregard our truer needs


Nice poem, especailly that stanza right there. For some reason, that one really jumped out at me. The city imagery and symbolism were really great.

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


8 posted 11-26-2002 02:53 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

yes you do have the flow down to an art form.
the meaning however are taxing to extract from the whole. I find there are portions I read and can draw meaning from...then tie to another section... but fail I fear in manyw ays at untangling the depths of what you are saying. Perhaps I am much too simple minded!

I do like the sounds in this as well as the flow... your imagery is good, tight and fresh
all are apects of your writing that I have seen over and over.telling me it not a fluke but a talent...

Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


9 posted 03-13-2003 08:45 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This is such a beautiful write, I read it twice, started a reply and went back to read it again, It's such a pleasure to read poetry of this quality, the flow was perfect, it led me on and left me wanting more. Thanks for sharing this with us

Andrew
RSWells
Member Elite
since 06-17-2001
Posts 2607


10 posted 03-13-2003 03:12 PM       View Profile for RSWells   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RSWells

Well my take on this flowing rhyme is an ode to the homeless who, in this instance is so by choice. You join this vagabond in spirit at least and see the greed of capitalism, it's true gelid nature, the isolation felt in the course of increasing overpopulation and the fortress of modern, steely architecture. Well done.
anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


11 posted 03-14-2003 08:43 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

*smiling* I like the message in this one, Brian. It's typical of your style which is always a good thing and it does highlight just how good you are at this writing stuff.
Superbly written with enough abstract and concrete imagery to last a lifetime. I'm impressed.

~AF~

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

BrokenAngel
Member
since 01-06-2002
Posts 144
Puryear, TN, USA


12 posted 03-18-2003 01:51 PM       View Profile for BrokenAngel   Email BrokenAngel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BrokenAngel

I'm back again and what a treat to come back to.  You havent lost your touch for writing poetry that just blows me out of the water.  Wonderful write.  I wish I could rhyme like you can.  Keep it up!!

Read my work and read my thoughts
I'll go back into the night now
---Night Angel

[This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (03-18-2003 01:51 PM).]

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