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Vagabond
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Vagabond |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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By step, by step, intruders wake From slumber deep, from sleep, do take And shudder at his lifting eyes That upward, lightly trail Do dare to look upon us thus Of all response, and all reprise Is cast return, by fearful cries. I know that I regard you so And tempt you inward, inward go That warmer than your quilt of snow Are coins and paper pills Regard you, yet, that what I know Is tainted full by bitter ills That what you see, and what you will, Not stepping both in line, A better man, to misery, confines For cold as smog that ambles high And tops, and flanks both you and I These city floors that chase the sky That disregard our truer needs They are, from fortune, wry And held erect by loathesome deeds For you, the street constructed wide That might you find your rest inside For you, the clouds that cloak our skies Are written by the ostracized. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (11-18-2002 07:56 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I know that I regard you so And tempt you inward, inward go That warmer than your quilt of snow Are coins and paper pills Regard you, yet, that what I know Is tainted full by bitter ills That what you see, and what you will, Not stepping both in line, A better man, to misery, confines =================================== Lookie what I found!!!!!!  RHYMES DIVINE!!!! This was a treat for the tongue and ears to read aloud!! For a moth that craves cadence..you just made me day   love your rhythm and meter.As always your writing leaves me impressed poet sir... ya write mighty fine for a parasite  No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You map well the dimensions of the floor and the snow gone sky. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
P.S. Thank you for inspiring that poem. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
JM, thanks for the thoughtful reply... you're the best stalker I've ever had! Mike? I inspired something? Oh cool... well your poem "acoustic guitar" inspired one of my poems in Teen #5, so I guess we're even... Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I will take the bait. Which one?  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Praise allah... you KNOW what a dunce I am with meter---y'wanna fill me in on this'n? Always envious for the perfect flow you achieve--and the last line...is so perfect--so yummy it is lickable (told ya once before I'm bad at critique--heh heh?  ) Get in touch, will ya? |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
For cold as smog that ambles high And tops, and flanks both you and I These city floors that chase the sky That disregard our truer needs Nice poem, especailly that stanza right there. For some reason, that one really jumped out at me. The city imagery and symbolism were really great. Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
yes you do have the flow down to an art form. the meaning however are taxing to extract from the whole. I find there are portions I read and can draw meaning from...then tie to another section... but fail I fear in manyw ays at untangling the depths of what you are saying. Perhaps I am much too simple minded! I do like the sounds in this as well as the flow... your imagery is good, tight and fresh all are apects of your writing that I have seen over and over.telling me it not a fluke but a talent... |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is such a beautiful write, I read it twice, started a reply and went back to read it again, It's such a pleasure to read poetry of this quality, the flow was perfect, it led me on and left me wanting more. Thanks for sharing this with us Andrew |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Well my take on this flowing rhyme is an ode to the homeless who, in this instance is so by choice. You join this vagabond in spirit at least and see the greed of capitalism, it's true gelid nature, the isolation felt in the course of increasing overpopulation and the fortress of modern, steely architecture. Well done. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*smiling* I like the message in this one, Brian. It's typical of your style which is always a good thing and it does highlight just how good you are at this writing stuff. Superbly written with enough abstract and concrete imagery to last a lifetime. I'm impressed. ~AF~ I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. |
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BrokenAngel Member
since 2002-01-06
Posts 141Puryear, TN, USA |
I'm back again and what a treat to come back to. You havent lost your touch for writing poetry that just blows me out of the water. Wonderful write. I wish I could rhyme like you can. Keep it up!! Read my work and read my thoughts I'll go back into the night now ---Night Angel [This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (03-18-2003 01:51 PM).] |
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