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Aching Moments
| Open Poetry #18 |
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Aching Moments |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
This pillow of mine, so heavy, as the moon illuminates my tears I wish not to sleep tonight for that’s when her visage appears The burn of my crimson filled eyes pales to this pain within my chest, and I would give all that I have for one peaceful night of rest Countless times I’ve walked these halls in the dark, oh so alone Where shadows lurk, haunting me, as silence embraces my moans And as I gaze into pictures, firmly holding this wretched ache I realize then, and only then, that I wish to dream, and never wake © David 2002 [This message has been edited by GenXer (01-09-2002 11:20 PM).] |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Oh gosh Dave! This is really sad...and one we can all relate to at one time or another. Excellent write my friend. Hugs, Nancy. ~* A dream is a wish your heart makes... *~ |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Nancy - Yes, we have all unfortunately been in this position before one way or another. Thanks for checking this out. Dave |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Dave darling boy, that's it I'm coming round to stop those tears. I warned you darling boy I said I'd be paying you a visit. YOU can't possible say it's a surprise now can you? Dave darling boy this is achingly familiar, I do remember although I try quickly to forget this pain. Truly darling boy YOU'VE written it soooooooo well and sooooooo clearly it cries through the page. However that doesn't save you from retribution does it? Wonderful wrting but you'll still suffer, I did warn you darling truly I did   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace St John ch2 v1 |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
The burn of my crimson filled eyes pales to this pain within my chest, and I would give all that I have for one peaceful night of rest Seems we're walking the same halls tonight. Excellent description of the feeling. If misery loves company, allow me to buy you a drink. |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Marsha - Now I've done it, I have pushed you too far and you are now going to traverse the Atlantic to cheer me up. I can't believe this. Hey, the tea is ice cold you know. You never showed up the first time.  Thanks for reading. A happy poem is on the way, I promise.  Duncan-Hey, don't be clogging up the hallways, I need my space to mope.lol And I am always up for a good stiff drink to take the edge off. Thanks for reading. Dave Dave |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Dave darling boy just make a fresh pot dear heart. As for the Happy Poem Now get ready for retribution darling boy, it will have your name written right across it. Of course there is one way to save yourself. Hmmmmm! Have the poem ready by next Saturday, YOU know what day that is don't you? Mmmmmm Well done, bribery in this case is always worth a try. Love and warm stuff As always Mushy To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace St John ch2 v1 |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
Time to dry up those tears Dave, Marsha is coming to visit yo ol'boy, that ought to be nice!!!I myself look forward to getting to New York later this year, don't know when just yet.Cheer up will ya? |
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Sunset Member
since 2002-01-08
Posts 80 |
Ah, powerful ending. My compliments.  |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
GenXer, been there done that, I've kept the tears in a jar to remember...anyone want a jar of cold and slimy water? Achingly sad, Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Dave, This is sooooooo haunting.. the images of loneliness you paint are so vivid. Excellent poetry Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Oh good. You allow for nits. One line did not have the punch of the others: quote: I was wondering if a line such as "The burn of crimson crusted eyes" would work for you? If and when I cry, my eyes become hot, as tears dry, salt-encrusted. Do they fill with crimson? Yes, but the pain is much more intense than just being full. Let me know what you think...for I am only being honest  [This message has been edited by Sunshine (01-10-2002 09:32 AM).] |
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N orth Carolina Girl Senior Member
since 2001-12-04
Posts 962NC,USA |
Dave,my sweet friend I hope Marsha gets you good.I`ve known you almost a year now and I can count your happy poems on one finger.This is really sad and heartbreaking.  But I will admit it is written perfectly.  But if you don`t soon write a happy one guess what will happen?  Juanita |
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True Reflections Member
since 2001-12-04
Posts 143Ohio, USA |
Dave, Excellent indeed. The most haunting visage is the one inside our own mind. We can't cover it, run from it or wipe it away. I've found watching Looney Toons before bed clears my head. Roger |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
I understand all too well the feeling you're describing here. The ache that stays on in your heart, even though that 'visage' has vanished. _,,,^.^,,,_ |
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His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Dave, I refuse to be sad after reading this. Your poetry is too lovely to make me cry. You write so beautifully from the heart. I look forward to whatever comes next, sad or happy. Cheryl |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
Only to be lost in a dream forever...i enjoyed your words very much David.. ~Victoria~ "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
i used to want to just dream about her... but they were never good dreams.... *blegh* go out, pour a drink, and find a new gal. *they love heart-achey poets* emotions came thru loud an clear on this write. now go fix 'em! Everyone's got their demons. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* I felt this pain because like so many others I have been there and would be there now if I let myself get lost in memories of the past...*grin* instead I keep myself weaving fantasies and hope that one day they might come true. **big hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. [This message has been edited by Startime (01-10-2002 05:59 PM).] |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(tears fall down my cheeks) So very heartwrenching, sweet friend, my heart goes to you and I pray with all my heart that your dreams will come true and all this pain will be replaced with hope and comfort! (big hugggssssss) My heart cries out to you, sweet friend, we're all here for you always! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet David, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
This one is a teal realjerker, Dave! But soon Marsha will be there to fix you. You absolutely must take her to lunch at the deli....and to eat some of that NY pizza you are always bragging about.  copyright2001 Lyra Nesius |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Marsha - I will have that poem on your desk by this Saturday. As for you coming to visit, I have relit the flame under the tea pot. Martin - I must admit, this one could describe a feeling I had long ago, but my is chin up these days. Thanks for reading. Thanks Sunset. Keth - I will start the bidding at 5 dollars. Do I hear six?lol Tara - Thank you for your kind comments. |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Sunshine - I welcome the suggestion. That stanza troubled me, but it was the latter half. The crimson was referring to eyes being bloodshot from crying and from being tired. But if I was to revise it this it what I would might do: The burn of my crimson crusted eyes pales to this pain within my chest, and I would give all that I have to put these emotions to rest What do you think? Dave Dave |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Juanita - Well you better get those fingers ready, because a whole bunch are coming your way. Actually, that might be an exaggeration, but one is definitely coming. Roger - Good to hear from you. I used to love Looney Toons. I think I will have to watch the Cartoon Network tonight to cheer me up.lol Florence - It is definitely not a good feeling. Thanks for reading. Cheryl - Thank you. You know I like the sad ones the best. For some reason they are easier for me to write. But I love to joke around with people. Go figure. You probably think I wear black all the time and mope around the streets not saying a word to anyone. Well, I do, but I use the sidewalks.lol |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Victoria - Thanks for reading. Ethan - Believe me, I have poured, had bartenders pour, friends pour, and drank them all, and though it a lot of fun, it doesn't quell those darn dreams. I think I might have to get a lobotomy.lol Vandana - Thanks. Noah - I hope so to. Thank you for reading. Startime - You and me both. I hope they come true for you. As for me, I'm a lost cause.  Thanks for reading. Lyra - You know NY pizza can cure even the worst depression. It is true.lol Dave |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Dave, Holy smokes! You define the pain of this experience so deeply. The loneliness and ache so tightly woven. But so vivid that many of us recall, with some regret, those nights. A great write. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Dave Dave like much, much! |
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His Poet Senior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 750 |
Dave, yes I did think I spotted you in black sack cloth roaming the streets of New York on Good Morning America. They panned the streets and there you were, moping along Broadway. I said to myself, "That has to be my poet friend, Dave." You were quite handsome even though I didn't get a really good look. Nice to see ya. Cheryl |
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