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Open Poetry #17
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Ambiguous Ambivalence, Paradoxical Paramour
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Ambiguous Ambivalence, Paradoxical Paramour |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533
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When peeled this orange is sour and too sweet at once both succubus and succulent, seducing while seduced both trick and treat it's crashing waves of passion came and went. As Paganini's hellbent violin lures to capture raptured ears when lent, a foot once tapped on carpet wove in sin would stir too steep in tarpits of lament. Of lust Love trusts when flame's adjustment's high so swelled the balloon post haste takes to the air and bust it must once reason is applied excelled too soon and doomed was this affair. "Happy people have no history" - French Proverb |
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| © Copyright 2001 Richard S. Wells jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*smilin* Your word play is always so clever, and this is a particularly nice slant on an all too commonplace circumstance of the heart. Understood this one all too well! sigh... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I was going to give some constructive criticism, but I think I will leave well enough alone...my minor changes to the wording wouldn't do much other than alter the meter a bit, but you really don't need any help from me... the wordplay is excellent... |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Whew, that was fantastic. It sounds like the writing of an old master of poetry, with the edge of a new one.I was caught up in it through the whole reading. In fact, I can hear this being read aloud, and it sounds great! Sandra |
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RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Hey, I could use all the help I can get. You are qualified. "Happy people have no history" - French Proverb |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* how incredibly sad that any affair that burned so brightly is doomed to die. I hope this poem is not bassed on reality. I like it when there is joy and hope filling your words instead of such sadness and pain. **hugs** Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
GR8 piece Richard! Was that fruit from the A&P  Have I mentioned ... yup. Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
For a good ten to fifteeen minutes after my first read of one of your pieces, I sit and stare at the screen devouring every single word. YOU are a writer extraordinaire sir! hugs, Nancy. ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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PoeticLicense Junior Member
since 2001-11-18
Posts 30 |
I can only ditto the comment of Enchantress, your writing is amazing and quite unique! PL |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Some stars just shoot past so fast, we barely see them before they are gone. Love sure can be like that. I'm glad I can save this shining poem in my fav files. I can at least hold onto this for awhile....barring any PC crash. Your word plays are superb. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I would love to offer some consructive critiquing, but first I must cool off I would love to offer some constructive critiquing, but first I must cool off  Well, I'm back. I have been reading this, it's wonderful, this is my take, I hope you don't mind, it's just a few words here and there for flow. I noticed you used a lot of internal rhyme, which I love but I got hung up on "bust" and "must" but the scansion is perfect and the substance remarkable. this is my take for what's it's worth ! When peeled an orange is sour and very sweet at once both succubus and succulent, seducing while seduced both trick and treat it's crashing waves of passion came and went. As Paganini's hellbent violin lures enraptured ears when they are lent, a foot once tapped on carpet wove in sin would stir too steep in tarpits of lament. Of lust Love trusts when flame's adjustment's high so swelled the balloon post haste takes to air and bust it will once reason is applied excelled too soon and doomed was this affair. Kathleen (Kay) "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee [This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 11-27-2001).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Well, Im playing catch up again... my comp problems of late is making it sometimes difficult to reply... so Ive been reading quietly...last nite I read Weathering, and your "Waif" poem.... now this one... so many things about your writing impresses, but when reading several at once..your varied styles in which your write so at ease in all is noted.. my words may not be on each poem...but know my eyes have been he said ... "dont cry" ... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
well done Sir. . .so many things going on here. . . the wordplay is the least of it. . . you make the fruit very tempting. . . how could we not take it? excellent. . . --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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