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Open Poetry #15
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Passions Voice
Member
since 2000-10-23
Posts 291
Michigan

0 posted 2001-07-25 12:06 PM


Just for the record, this isn't about this place.  I've been at some Forums where their critique is less than helpful, so I thought I'd write this.

You look at my work
With a cold-hearted smirk
And wonder where to begin.
“Should I skewer her rhyme?
Or slash her lines?
Or trash everything therein?”

You like my meter,
But say that the reader
Could never follow it beat.
So you say that it’s trash,
And then you smash
And say that it’s obsolete.

My phrases, you see
Are cliché as can be
But always speak from the heart.
Though they are sometimes trite
The words I write,
To me they are works of art.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

passion is life. . . ~Diana


© Copyright 2001 Diana Athena - All Rights Reserved
Decaflame
Senior Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 1635

1 posted 2001-07-25 12:08 PM



Goodness, have we been at the same place? At least here....we get to write whatever is on our mind!  Good one!

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2001-07-25 12:16 PM


nicely done... you can pick and poke at anything..but in the end..it is the reason we try..and what it means to us..that matters. Not th technical skill... not the accolades... what it is to us... that is the key..


Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
3 posted 2001-07-25 12:19 PM


You write any way you want.  You will know by the comment (more by number than by content) if your work is appreciated.  Write on

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. Philip Sidney (1554-1586) Loving in Truth
[URL=http://members.home.net/excalibur2501/Interlope

cpalmer
Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
4 posted 2001-07-25 12:42 PM


So true, 'they are works of art' I love this! Every writing is different...we as poets should always respect that!
hugs
Cindi

God is our inspiration; Words of the heart can be music to our ears
Cpalmer

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

5 posted 2001-07-25 01:25 PM


I think that I have visited such places.  That's why I like it here, we just write from the heart round here!!   write on!

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
6 posted 2001-07-25 05:52 PM


Hiya!   Its been a while since I've read your work! I love this! It rants well and it gives ya something to think about! Hope to see more from you soon.

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
7 posted 2001-07-25 06:33 PM


can you believe that's the first place I started, I'm positive it was the same place, it's amazing I even tried to find another forum, but I have, in fact several that are filled with encouragers and other people that write for the love of it

Good piece, Passions Voice!!

Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2001-07-25 06:49 PM


PassionsVoice~

'To me they are works of art.'

And that, my friend ... is all that counts !

I write to express what I feel ...
once I give it out to a general readership,
I'm pleased if they like it ... but ... should they not ....
I'd just as soon they politely placed it back on the shelf .... mutter to themselves and go their merry way !

You know ... kind of like I do at the bookstore or the library.

If someone sees something that I've perhaps misspelled ... then I appreciate it if they take the time to drop me a private e-mail.

You are so right-on with this timely post.
Keep writing those 'works of art' ... for indeed they are !
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
                                 noles1@totcon.com              

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
9 posted 2001-07-25 06:50 PM


As long as you are smiling at your "artwork" of words and it gives you the pleasure then why worry about those that don't appreciate the gift the are fortunate to view.  Keep on writing from the heart and in YOUR style and you will never go wrong.  I enjoyed the honesty in this verse of yours and YEAH, I could even keep the meter in line.
Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
10 posted 2001-07-25 07:14 PM


Wow, welcome back PV, with a vengance no less. . . I know that all of us have felt like this at one time or another. . .

Great job. . .  

----------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Passions Voice
Member
since 2000-10-23
Posts 291
Michigan
11 posted 2001-07-28 11:26 AM


Thank you all so much for your words.  And thanks to my critics, for without them, there wouldn't be this poem.

And thank you all for this place, you're so encouraging, not the kind who "critique for the sake of it", but you suggest, you speak kindly, you help us new poets to get better, that's what makes you different.



passion is life. . . ~Diana

[This message has been edited by Passions Voice (edited 07-28-2001).]

BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 2000-08-09
Posts 3092
Florida
12 posted 2001-07-28 03:44 PM



Write on! Sounds just peachy to me.
Express yourself!

Hugs,
Deb

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

13 posted 2001-07-28 03:50 PM


Yes, Yes, I know exactly what you mean.  True, there is much to learn in poetry but the words are coming from another poet's heart and should be the basis, the elemental form of the entire piece.  You have stated so well that feeling in this.  You know, if I need an English lesson, oh, I'll ask for it and I have much to learn.  But the heart is the ink in our pens.  Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

" I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis"

Kathleen


Auguste
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Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
14 posted 2001-07-28 04:33 PM


You and I must post at some of the same workshops.   Yeah, some of those people have a slash and burn mentality, don't they?  It's best to take it all in stride and not let them get to you.  A good one here and much enjoyed.

Michael

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.  

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
15 posted 2001-07-31 07:46 PM


Bumpity Uppity!


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