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Passions in Poetry

(no title yet, need help pls. read and comment)

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anawnda
Member
since 07-26-2002
Posts 116


0 posted 07-30-2002 03:57 AM       View Profile for anawnda   Email anawnda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for anawnda




  It was only yesterday
  we took the trail
  to neverland;
  Shrieks of joy
  drowned and muffled
  into memories,
  We were young back then.

  We molded clay & sculpted sand
  with bare little hands
  we calle our own,
  unbroken and innocent.

  I remember the dewy smell
  of grass
  and you, sitting inside
  the whirling chairs
  telling me to push harder & faster
  and suddenly,
  you're no longer you--

  Your eyes no longer
  light w/that mischevious glint.
  I no longer see
  you smile.

  I begged you to come out
  and play oncemore
  just like we always do
  you just shook your head
  and said--
  We were young back then.

  then you showed me the scars
  but those were not from
  cuts we got
  for being too rowdy in
  the swings.
  nor were those from falling-off
  the see-saw.

  those were wounds
  reality inflicted,
  this cruel world
  had broken in.

  you no longer know
  how to laugh,
  nor want a turn in the bouncing horse.

  but neverland beckons still.
  to those eager little souls
  who someday will be as you are,
  have taken our place in the swings,
  in the farthest corner of the lot.

  with their tiny legs, pushing
  from the ground,
  going higher...
    and higher...


**************************************************
  
  

* you can hurt me...with your bare hands,or
you can hurt me with the sharp edge of what you said.....* jewel kilcher

© Copyright 2002 anawnda - All Rights Reserved
anya
Member
since 07-27-2002
Posts 397
london england


1 posted 07-30-2002 01:02 PM       View Profile for anya   Email anya   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anya

I really like this alot, in want of a better word it was really sweet. As for a title if you are stuck mabey youu should take the title from the line or phrase you think appitimises the essence or feeling of the poem best, just a suggestion
anya
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 10-28-2002 04:27 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is really, really good, Anawnda... one of my favourites from you.  What a shame that it's dead in the archive with only one reply, huh?  That's not fair...   you should repost this in Teen #6.

As for a title, maybe something to do with a park?  The imagery in my head while I was reading this was mostly of children in a playground (at least, earlier in the poem)...

You should write more in this style, Anawnda.  I'd love to see something like this again.

Keep up the great work.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

CloudedDreams
Member
since 11-23-2002
Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm


3 posted 12-28-2002 05:44 PM       View Profile for CloudedDreams   Email CloudedDreams   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit CloudedDreams's Home Page   View IP for CloudedDreams

"shattered innocence".... suggestion

good poem. I almost want to cry....
kirhar
Junior Member
since 04-29-2003
Posts 13


4 posted 04-29-2003 09:14 PM       View Profile for kirhar   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kirhar

i think a good title for this great poem is Yesteryear....just an idea...
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