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Teen Poetry #5
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Yoda
Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 19


0 posted 2001-11-28 04:52 PM


Ripped up the pretty scripts
that you tried to make me swallow
What a silly prediction,
that I'd suck on your lollies
even when I hate the way they taste
Like waiting in a lobby
with old beat up magazines
to help you forget
that it's lacking a fine point
When I was writing on the walls
in a bathroom stall
I heard a girl singing
"Jesus Loves Me"
as she took care of her business
If it were any other day I'd laugh
but today it's pretty
and feel the love on the walls
despite the horrible smell
of human waste


You know its been a good day when you come home, realize you forgot your key again, and decide to climb through the doggie door instead of complaining

[This message has been edited by Yoda (edited 11-28-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Yoda - All Rights Reserved
Poet Unknown
Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140
Missouri
1 posted 2001-11-28 07:01 PM


hmm interesting....

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

TopGunLauren
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718
California
2 posted 2001-11-28 09:32 PM


Ineresting poem.
  Lauren

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
3 posted 2001-11-29 02:36 AM


"If it were any other day I'd laugh"

you know, this really DID make me think. you painted a somewhat contemporay picture of what i would guess to be a "day in the life of...". i ejoyed this first post from you a lot. i liked the bitterness of it, and the hope at the end. i think you did a very good job of this one

Welcome Yoda!


i hope you enjoy sharing and reading within these walls. im looking forward to reading more of your work

please check your email for a special greeting

~cherish/mod

       

  

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!



SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
4 posted 2001-11-29 09:27 AM


welcome.   this was interesting...I hope to read more from you.  
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2001-11-29 09:42 AM



Sounds like you were having a really bad day...until you heard Jesus loves me...

which perhaps was the saving grace you needed.

Look forward to more from you...

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2001-11-29 10:15 AM


W*E*L*C*O*M*E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this is definately an interesting one...very creative!! I can tell already that im going to enjoy reading your work   Its nice to have you join us and i cant wait to read more from you...the whole thing made me think..hmmmm

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
7 posted 2001-11-29 01:32 PM


staying away from the ordinary and the overused is always a good thing when it comes to poetry, and you certainly did a good job of that.  i look forward to reading more from you, welcome to passions.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-11-29 03:41 PM


Hey, i thought this was really great. Haha, I mean besides the ending being a bit like "hahaish" it was awesome. I think you wrote this one very well. Welcome to passions.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Alyssa
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!
9 posted 2001-11-29 06:16 PM


ok, just the way this poem clicks with me makes me feel as if i just was there..its so totally weird i dunno but i really enjoyed this alot..im printing it and takin it to school even!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
     You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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