»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
Broken Pieces of Me
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
Broken Pieces of Me |
|
|
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
|
This is a little different for me. I usually write using rhymes in a more lyrical form. I don't know where this one came from. Broken Pieces of me fall to the ground silently And are swept under the rug of government conspiracy I am a man alone, trapped in my ideals Wrestling with the choice of inner peace or acceptance Swimming in an ocean of hypocrisy Trying to take a breath in between recurring waves of lies Weighed down by my own sense of belonging I drown No escape from fate, I’ve been assimilated Just a shell of my former being I’ve evolved into a new animal One who lacks control, Lacks the will to fight the conformity and tyranny That is so evident around me I accept I accept my fate, no longer the black sheep No use for individuality, no use for a name I’m another number printed on a Social Security card I am happy Warm and comfy in my house of ignorance I lie to myself as they do and I’m a better person for it Feed me your lies and I will digest them Give me false hope so I can sleep at night Let me be part of the whole so I can fit in United we stand, United we fall And I will die a normal man Ignorant and happy, Empty and alone "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Oh wow...This was truly incredible!! I think it was even better because it didn't rhyme..I liked it so much..you've done an amazing job..I want to see more!!  ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
||
|
Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was a great piece Jon. Sorry im so late...you should have more than two replies.. Regina |
||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
For some reason the politics in here appealed to me. There's a lot of social criticism in here and that's what literature is made of! That and words... lol I felt this had a good organization and flowed well despite the lack of formatting. You did great! Theo |
||
|
Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
keoni - wow i really like this one. i think i can somewhat relate to the feelings you portray in this piece, but before i start babbling on about that maybe you clarify your ideas a little more to me. i'd rather you read into your work than me trying to mess up your meanings. so i really hope to hear your reply to this. it is certainly a beautiful free style that you used here. kinda fits in with the ideas. great work. salma |
||
SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
You know, I love the way you write. this is great... |
||
|
Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great Job on this piece of work. I'm in the military and it sounds like something I would write. Great job my friend. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
||
|
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thanks for the replies. Salooma- I'd like you to interpret this poem how you want, that's what it's all about, but I will let you know where I was coming form. This is not meant to offend anyone, this is just my opinion. I truly feel our government wants to keep us ignorant.They want to hide all the problems from us so we remain calm and complacent. They want us to work a 9-5, come home to your wife,2.3 kids, and your dog spot.Sit your ass in front of the TV smoking cigarettes and drinking Coca Cola. Go to church on sunday and you are a NORMAL person. A person who thinks for themselves and can see through the lies is labeled a traitor.The first amendment to their constitution gives me the right to free speech, yet when I speak my mind I am the enemy. Seriously, I have seen it before. I post a political poem and I have people jumping on me saying " If you don't like it why don't you leave, we don't want you here anyway" Why do these people get so mad at me. They don't know me, who I am, what I believe in, yet they automatically hate me cause I feel differently toward the government that runs this country than them. It's not that everyone one that says these things is mean, or shallow, someone had to put those feelings there, guess who? Our favorite uncle, Uncle Sam. I don't like judgement and being told to whom or what I can talk about. This is my life. I live for myself and God, not a country or some colors on a flag. And because I want to be an individual, live for myself, I am the enemy. I'm a traitor. But I don't care... "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This poem was awesome, it really expressed your opinion and your feelings nicely...i was actually discussing similar issues in my US history class today so its kinda of interesting that i happened to read this poem the same day...great poem..good job ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
||
|
knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
i /loved/ this. it was great keoni. this is goin into mah library. great job. tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
||
|
Domzi Member
since 2001-09-08
Posts 288New York (BK) |
This poem was deep! I really like the way you write your thoughts. I'll be looking out for more of your poetry. Do or die! |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Jon, quite the emotion filled,"I’m another number printed on a Social Security card" that verse got little bit of my mind provoked it can be interpreted in SO many ways but to me -how our identities are identified by numbers?- "empty and alone" simple yet VERY powerful and its cool however you write i enjoy 'em. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 11-14-2001).] |
||
|
lilibeelee Member
since 2001-07-12
Posts 143 |
Wowza verry nice job. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
