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Teen Poetry #5
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2001-09-03 09:47 AM


I'm speechless tonight, the rain's drpping from the windowpane. I can feel your light, can see the color of your beautiful name. Feel the burning fire, at the silent sound of the ocean waves. Can't control my desire, cause I can not stop seeing your face.
All this time you've been waiting, for this very special feeling, you don't have to wait anymore, cause baby, when i say forever, forever's what I mean.

This time it's right, this time it's right, this time it's right, promises filed with memories tonight.

And you are so close, even though you are so many seas away. I can feel your soul, whenever the wind blows through out the day. Everytime I cry, I think of you and it makes me laugh. You make me smile,
you're the very best I ever had.
All this time you've been waiting, for this very special feeling, you don't have to wait anymore, cause baby, when i say forever, forever's what I mean.

This time it's right, this time it's right, this time it's right, promises filed with memories tonight.

Let's dance in the moonlight together,let's just stay in this place forever. There's nothing I wouldn't do, just to be with you. All this time you've been waiting, for this very special feeling, you don't have to wait anymore, cause baby, when i say forever, forever's what I mean.

This time it's right, this time it's right, this time it's right, promises filed with memories tonight.


© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-09-04 10:42 AM


very beautiful!  

"Deputy Moderator ~ Open Forum"

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
2 posted 2001-09-05 12:50 PM


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! very very nice. liked this one here lots!
it was a bit weird looking at the lines go all the way across but it was very nicely written. thanks for sharing!

why dont you pop into Teen chat sumtime H? click this little fella   and find yourself in a world of crazy peeps like...um....me!

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Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
3 posted 2001-09-15 12:17 PM


beautiful words, but I'd rather like to see it in probably a couple of stanzas with a certain amount of lines per stanza.  But still, magnificent words.  Thanks for sharing.

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Allysa, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Ma

punkrockerrobin
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since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
4 posted 2001-09-15 06:11 AM


good poem. i liked it. keep up the good work!
robin

Things I Have Learned I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
5 posted 2001-09-16 12:58 PM


This is simply beautiful. Wonderful images are dancing around in my head right now and you've got me thinking about someone I shouldn't be. He's like alcohol...good in theory, bad in practice...

Thanks for the read. I don't think you need to change any lines in this at all. It ran together very smoothly and rolls off the tongue nicely.  

~AF~

"Who needs enemies,
When you've got friends like these
Caught between me and myself again"
Motor Ace - Enemies

Alyssa
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Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!
6 posted 2001-09-16 09:19 PM


beautiful!

"Its a great day tobe alive, I know the suns still shinin when I close my eyes!"
Travis Tritt

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