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Teen Poetry #5
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Lachrymose
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Lachrymose |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Lachrymose Barren trees of winter's song Cast by my pretty ear These tattered rags did not belong Within this river clear. Reveries of dreaming child Haunt my every thought Bring back the dreams of running wild For fear of being caught. A touch of ice in every stare Like flaming stars of sky No other bones of you compare To that of those who die. Immortal wounds within my eye Did cast a bonnie glow Of rivers streaming from the sky Oh tears, why do you flow? The willow sighs at my desire To weep and never see Yet to be blind by salty mire Forever I will be. Falling slowly from above No wings do catch my fall Feathers fray of shattered love And float to earthly halls. The hint of blue in every tear Spark an untold light Of everything I once held dear Yet fled within the night. Barren trees of winter's song Cast by my pretty ears These saline streams did not belong... Nor my dreams of tears. ===== Thought I'd write a little something cold and sad... £êåh Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Love's Addiction Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 57all around you |
wow, i liked this one alot.....  very dark and sad..but yet i liked it alot. I can't hold on.....how do u think i've lost so much?....i'm so afraid....i'm outta touch.......-Linkin Park |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This one was so good. It got to me somehow and made me just like Wow, I can relate to it so it's kinda scary.Excellent post. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hehe, the last three words is the title of one of my paradelles. You little phrase snatcher.I think this is good, Leah. Not great, not bad, but good. It's a fine example of your talent but I found its mechanics were lacking only a little bit. In some places the flow was interrupted, I felt this poem could use a few more techiques to help it flow. Some lines popped out on me, this whole thing flows alright but it could be better. Overall I can't say much about this poem. It seems pretty complete as it is, so I'd say just leave it this way. Love the title, Leah.  ~Allan You eat the brains of an old, wise man. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
This is really good... I liked it a lot Life is an open book with many unwritten pages, write something that's meaningful to you there. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Reveries of dreaming child Haunt my every thought Bring back the dreams of running wild For fear of being caught. i love this one....you are SUCH a talant!..i loved the imagery in this piece. you did an excellent job on this one leah..keep them comming girly you're one of my favourites here! Piece you life together and you WILL find holes. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This is pretty depressing, but it was well written. I thought you did an awesome job on this one. I found the title to be quite interesting.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was so beautiful! Depressing but beautiful if such a thing can exist  |
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