»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
The Shuffling
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
The Shuffling |
|
|
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
|
The Shuffling Lifted and sputtered upon hardened walk Lifeless for the invisible shadows to stalk Relevant for noone to talk Stranger's life led to decimation Still wisked away in estimation Under woolen blanket waiting for salvation Still the streets pound at nothing Ignorant of human shuffling Towards once again nothing To distress the center of the universe Now hugging the precious skinned purse Filled with dreams, her desire was the first Doors will open and close in span of night Each day ending with no knowledge of what is right Shuffling still standing under stinking pale light This, a gift of ancestory, product of progression What lies molded into the threat of regression Can leave only the answer of violent agression And I ask myself why the shuffling No other noise a noun makes No other choice a noun takes It's life is about the shuffling The only noise they think God can hear Besides the constant crying of a billion of the same people -------------------- Dunno. I'm in kinda "what's it all mean" type of moods. Funny thing is, I was happy when i began writing it. "and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow...this is awesome!..i liked the ending..your use of html was great for that extra emphisis!....i enoyed reading this a lot. good job on the poem!  "Kiss my Starfish! |
||
|
chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Sean...what's it all mean? hehe."Lifted and sputtered upon hardened walk Lifeless for the invisible shadows to stalk" Invisible shadows...Usually shadows are visible, ne? But I guess they're invisible at night...gives it a nice dark scene. And the thought of shadows stalking...in a way, they do... "Under woolen blanket waiting for salvation" You can just picture that so well... "Still the streets pound at nothing Ignorant of human shuffling" Great personification! Streets pounding...or being ignorant. "To distress the center of the universe Now hugging the precious skinned purse Filled with dreams, her desire was the first" Don't we all hold something precious close to us? Distressing the center of the universe...interesting concept. Why?"Shuffling still standing under stinking pale light" This particular line, I didn't like very much. Why stinking? Is there another word that you could possibly use? It kind of ruined the effect there. "This, a gift of ancestory, product of progression" Chip off the old block, eh?  "It's life is about the shuffling The only noise they think God can hear Besides the constant crying of a billion of the same people" I really liked the last 4 lines. Very deep and thoughtful. It's almost true though, in a strange sense. We're always being watched and listened to, whether we like it or not. Sean, you write poetry with wonderful meanings and full of speculation. I'm impressed. Your vocab suited this piece well (to tell you the truth, I had to look up one or two of them...  ). Although not your best, you continue to write very professional poetry! Great work, Sean!  -£êåh Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I absolutely LOVED the ending... the part in italics was my favorite part. A very thought-provoking piece you've presented here.. You're such a talented poet. The imagery throughout this piece is awesome. VERY well done. Another one I thoroughly enjoyed. --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
||
|
fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
For the sake of Leah, I shall give a brief explanation. This poem was inspired by a recent trip to night-time Manhattan. The first stanza is a sort of description of a homeless man. The end of the 2nd stanza is about a "street walker" (ooh risque subject  ). Overall, I would say the theme is indifference, ya know, all these lives and all we here is just a mumbling or a "Shuffling"(we have title!). Thanks for the opportunity to explain myself. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
