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Teen Poetry #5
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Mykels_Angel
Junior Member
since 2001-06-25
Posts 38
australia

0 posted 2001-07-15 11:08 PM


I WROTE ANOTHER SONG!!

hut hum here it is *caugh* *caugh* *clears throat and begins to sing*

Will you remember me when im dead
Will you remember me when im gone.
Will you remember me when im dead
Remember me

Will you remember me when the skies are greay
Will you remember me when the sun is going down
Will you remember me when the sky is greay
Will you remember me when the sun is going down

Will you cry when im not here
Will you feel pain when im not around
Please remember me, Remember me, Remember me.
Will you cry when im not here
will you feel pain when im not around.
Please remember me, remember me, remember me.

Will you remember me when our child cries
Will you remember me on the day of my birthday
Will you remember me when you close your eyes at night........
And wonder why your all alone.
Will you remember me when you cant sleep
Will you remember me when you start to weep
Will you remember me
oh will you remember me
WILL YOU EVER REMEMBER ME!!

Forget my name
Forget my face
Forget my kiss
and warm embrace
Forget the love that one was true
Remember now theres someone new
For im gone now gone now forever.

Will you remember me
when your sick in the head
will you remember me
when im long long dead
remember me remember remember REMEMBER ME!!!

end to fade....

*CLAP* 8CLAP* *CLAP* *CLAP*

ARENT I SUCH A GENIUS!!!

I sang this to our producer and he offered us 10 thousand bucks!!

well i Hope u like this.... if u dont... i dont give a ratts ass CuZ IM RICH NOW!!!!! WOOHOOO HAHAHA EEEEHEHEHEHHEHE!!!!


© Copyright 2001 Sarah Alford - All Rights Reserved
Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
1 posted 2001-07-16 04:19 PM


This was a well written song.  I didn't like the repitition much, but I liked the res tof the content.  Nicely done   I look foward to reading more.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

Tamma
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Senior Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794
In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV
2 posted 2001-07-16 05:45 PM


I really liked this one. I for one, like the repitition.  

"A friend's shoulder makes a
nice pillow when you're crying" ~Me
"If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess love is too" ~Me

Alexia
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2001-06-07
Posts 164
Sweet And Sassy
3 posted 2001-07-16 05:56 PM


I liked your song! It wuz good!

Alexia

If I tell you I love you, Can I keep you?

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
4 posted 2001-07-16 07:55 PM


I agree w/ Marie...
The repetition got old- but other than that I liked it.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-07-16 08:57 PM


Sarah ..i REALLY enjoyed the meaning behind this song...you written it..nicely.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-07-18 01:13 AM


The song didn't much fit my fancy, but congrats on the 10k...lol
Good luck.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA
7 posted 2001-07-19 02:20 AM


I liked it a lot.  I also like the repetition.  However, it can either make or break a song.  Some people like it, some don't.  I personally try not to use it because of that, most people who do like it will be able live without it, and the people who don't like repetition will love the song that way.  

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?  

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-07-20 11:06 PM


Sarah I personally really didn't like this one. It lacked something that your songs usually have. The repitition seemed over used. But hey, it might have to be sung to really understand it.  

~AF~

Psychopathic chickens are plotting against me...

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
9 posted 2001-07-21 04:15 PM


Nicely done, although what EJ says is true: Songs make more sense when they're song. But that doesn't mean this doesn't makes sense.
Anywho, keep it up!  

-Hael (I've taken to signing my name backwards for some odd reason...)

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

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