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Teen Poetry #5
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This love (work in progress...revised)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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This love (work in progress...revised) |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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*** Quiet down my heart, I’m confounded. Over the mountains, your trumpets resound too ardently. The echo of your verse submerses me. I beg of you, “Mercy!” My eardrums are bursting nervously. enough! enough! enough of this! Enough of this love! *** This love is outrageous, I rage. Without patience, I rip open (my cage) my ribcage, and whistling, tear my heart to pieces. It’s ripe,-- on each piece, her initials are inscribed. And senseless, my eyes wander endlessly from N to T. Submerged in thought, destiny pensively, traces the road from New York to Toronto with a pencil. *** Answer me, “Is it in you?” If your answer is “no,” whisper tenderly, rip through my sinew softly and go. If the answer is “yes,” caress me but once with its stress and leave me breathless... ...yes! ...do ...leave me deathless. Answer me, “Is this love in you?” *** I grow tense, “Say it!” Silence ascends skyward with a prayer. Bottomless puddles (those are your eyes) reflect boundless skies. This love is beguiling, smiling, it hides behind the corner of life’s corridor and behind that corner, there’s a coroner. *** I feel like a foreigner, I don’t belong here. What is this that I crawl on, -- all this fluff, a cloud? “That is my shroud.” Almighty, I was buried alive in this love. There’s been a mistake, I was taken to paradise, because she paralyzed me with her eyes. It’s too crowded here and oddly, I miss my body. “All right then... awake!” *** I fall through the air carelessly, and awake somewhere on a bus near Albany, someone is calling me... shaking me impatiently. “Dear sir, I must check your ticket.” Enough! just take it. “Reason for your vacation?” love... “Destination?” near her... *** Reflect me with affection tenderly, perfect my identity. Listen, mirror, can you hear me? Hear my heartbeat? I need her... I need her near me. Hear my plea, you are my icon. Tell me, will she like me? will she admire me? “not likely.” ...Liar! *** The heart is drained and the ink hasn't dried yet. Pull the shades lower. It's private, don't look over my shoulder. Too late to hide it, it's spilling, it's brimming over the sink. In wild convulsions, it surges, it floods the buildings, the schools, the churches, the squares, the dusty courtyards and Eden's orchards. This love is gorgeous! [This message has been edited by Master (edited 07-05-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
woah....long is a good word for it...but it's good...took me forever to read it seems, lol. but that's ok!!  -->Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Damn, You rock. I was completely wrapped up in this whole poem. I couldn't take my eyes off it. I didn't want to stop reading. The ending was the best- I loved it. Superb, amaing, terrific- and oh so much more. I'll be on the look out for your next post. Nice format too by the way. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i loved this...i enjoyed this greatly while i was reading it...amazing job so far  ...wow.im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
damn i can't wait to see the finished product, great job master. your name rings true in this one. -fear- i'm a penguin! i'm a penguin! i'm a cute lil penguiiiin! i'm a penguin i'm a penguin! i eat FISH!--tis the pretty penguin song |
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Kicking Kim Member
since 2001-04-16
Posts 426Cloud Cucko Land! |
This was a very good poem with lots of great emotions in there. I enjoyed it very much! Keep writing!  ^*~Kicking Kim~*^ "Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one.....tons of emotions rolled up here. I see you used one of your older poems and brought it into this one....I liked how it all sounded. Very nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Hmmm, quite interesting imagery. I liked the way this was written. Long, but great to read. Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You already know what I have to say  *applauds* hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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