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Fallen Haven
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Fallen Haven |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677
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There was something about this one that I didnt like. I cant figure out what it was. Normally, if I really dont like something, I wont post it, but I figured I would post it and ask for suggestions. So that is what I am doing. Thanks! As a child I formed my own barrier from the world A bubble perhaps built from childish dreams, fairy tales, and Disney movies At the time, my bubble protected me from closet monsters and ghosts in the closet. But as time went on, my barrier protected me from much more. Closet monsters soon became monstrous parents. Ghosts in the closet became teasing classmates. I began tripping over the lies and deceit that had slipped through the cracks. My bubble, which I had thought would last forever, popped. If only I'd lived in a flower that would gracefully bloom and gradually expose me to this relentless world. Instead fates sharp jolt had destroyed my haven and I was blinded by the reality of the world around me. With no warning, I was taken from a world of happiness built of childhood dreams to a world of confusion built of concrete with nothing there to break my fall. The reality of this world left me wide-eyed and scared. I began to build a new haven, only this time I have no childhood memories or happiness to built on. All I have is my denial of the world around me. A new home, built on denial. Walls, held up by the lies that I have so eagerly swallowed in my desperate attempt to find purpose in life. A roof, ready to buckle under all of life pressures. A haven, that, unfortunately, will not last... *Amanda* |
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| © Copyright 2001 Heavens Tears - All Rights Reserved | |||
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
I really liked that one. Sometimes it feels like the world is just beating you up and letting you fall to the ground. The safety bubble that you lived in as a child is gone, and you're in the real world now... I really liked how you expressed that. Keep posting. - Cody - |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Well Amanda- I'm not sure what it is about this you didn't like. I really enjoyed it. I connected with it totally. It's scary and and emotional to grow up and realize that Mickey Mouse and icecream can't solve all your problems. The older you get, the bigger your problems- And the harder they are to solve. I find that the best haven is 1 REALLY GREAT Best friend. Wonderful read Amanda. Simply wonderful. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was very good Amanda. The world has that affect. I know what you mean. I used to have a bubble, now its made everything worse. This was very good. Very powerful impact. Regina If you only understood my pain then maybe you could learn to be my friend. Be there. My crying shoulder. The smiles. And the caring i need to survive. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is pretty good, Amanda. As children we are so naïve and vulnerable that those "bubbles" form without us even knowing them. We make them beginning at a very young age, and use them all our life. The smallest things can make them pop, and begin a life filled with pain and neverending sorrow. That's the worst way to live. The key is learning to build it up again... that barriar that protects us from our fears. Building that up again is often the hardest thing we might do throughout our lives. Anyway, I don't see what the problem was with this poem. I thought it was creatively written. Nice work. I enjoyed this a lot. --Marie You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nice job!...and thats all the poems i post...the insecure ones..so your not the only one...hehehe...i enjoyed the poem. [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 07-06-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow this poem was so filled with emotion it really just blew me off my seat. I REALLY liked this poem. It expresses how a child has unfortunately been brought into the cruel eyes of the world. It's kind of sad. I know how this feels. I relate to it immensely. very well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Wow I loved this. so much emotion here. this was really great. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Amanda, this is awesome. You just poured everything out on this piece I don't understand why you don't like it I guess we do criticize our own work more Eventhough, I loved it I hope to see more of your work keep sharing hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare |
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