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Dark Poetry #3
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coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077


0 posted 2003-02-09 11:11 PM


"beyond"

I loved you beyond reason
for there are no excuses

to free those wagging tongues
of appellate gossip
would in the breach of silence
break the mainsail
on this ship of fools

such blindness does no service
to frigidity's complaint

I loved you beyond passion
for there is no illusion

astride this morbid rock
you were shipwrecked
upon a tide of ecstasy
swelled from eons of fear

let the tempest rage
until such needs subside

I loved you beyond bliss
for there is no ignorance

beneath your royal robes
hides an alabaster icon
whose countenance
diminishes nothing
save the wages of sin

your sails are full my lady
and our course is true

I loved you beyond truth
ask not for deception

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

© Copyright 2003 coyote - All Rights Reserved
Dedreia
Member
since 2000-07-10
Posts 172
Kokomo, Indiana, United States
1 posted 2003-02-10 12:19 PM


WOW!!!!  I like this very much.  I will look for more of your work.
Dee

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love" Rod McKuen

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

2 posted 2003-02-10 12:37 PM


It's a coyote! Just saying hi, touching base...how you doing?

Interesting piece of poetry you have here, I have a personal thing against extended metaphors so can't say I've enjoyed it as muh as earlier pieces from you...there - no gutshooting here

K

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

3 posted 2003-02-10 06:46 PM


Thanks Dee. I appreciate your reading. Though I must admit to a lack of productivity lately.

Hi Kamla. Methinks I may have watched "Shakespeare in Love" too many times.
Isn't a metaphor meant to extend? Figuratively speaking, of course.

coyote

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2003-02-13 01:35 AM


course not...

Here's a poor set of off-the-top examples

Example A: the river snaked through the grass. One metaphor, one line, one image..

Example B: A poem about a river snaking:

Begins with image of a river
next image - subject watches that river
next image - subject compares another person to a snake
next image - subject compares the love he\she has for that person to the river flowing - ie, it's endless, goes to the sea blah blah blah

and on and on

one extended metaphor poem

yuck

K

[This message has been edited by Severn (02-13-2003 01:37 AM).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

5 posted 2003-02-13 01:44 AM


Oh stuff it - I'll embarrass meself heh...
/pip/Forum12/HTML/001343.html

there you go - one ghastly extended metaphor from moi, back in the days when I thought I could write hehehe

K

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

6 posted 2003-02-13 08:28 AM


Thanks for the insight,K.
However, I liked your "Illness" poem.

Most of the metaphors I use are essentially religious in nature. Just me browbeating my readers again, I guess?

And for me they are all quite "extended":

I meant the stormy sailing metaphor to conjure up dark voyages like Columbus' expedition to the New World.

I meant the sexual metaphors to refer to love as the same kind of journey.

I meant the recurring refereces to various "conditions of being in love" to conjure up sympathetic scenario/memories in the reader's mind.

But primarily it is about "losing my religion", which can be a journey of ultimate fear, for beneath all faith there is love.

P.S.
I wrote this in 5 minutes too.
I know. It shows.

Thanks,
coyote

"The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none."
Thomas Carlyle

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