»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #3
»
foreign language
| Dark Poetry #3 |
|
foreign language |
|
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
"foreign language" razor shards, church glass rip wicked scars from the past silent screams are more revealing old confessions too concealing caught in cross fired vows and holy healings tongues are sharper if they're cold field surgeons, venal virgins, join the fold. worshipped words, official anguish shoot me up with foreign language waking up can barely manage forced retreats in bloodied bandage losing sleep gains no advantage if you need to weep nightmares, say your prayers, sow we reap. lord of the flies is on report buzzing of his royal court serpent's eyes probe private places images of bloodless faces lock it with a stained glass key glosticks and triple-exxxtasy raving humanity jaded profanity post-traumatic sanity If you wanna choke memory aching, nerves breaking, broken or broke. "I hate quotes, they suck!" I.G. Norance [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-05-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 coyote - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Panne447 Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196S.A. TX |
Coyote, If you read this without the tercets (which I am not sure adds significantly, if at all) I think this is a terrifically powerful piece. If this were mine I would eliminate the 3-line stanzas(?) and leave it to speak/show for itself. Give it some thought. So, reading this w/o the tercets, this is a wonderful read and well done. IMHO. Panne |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Panne. I thought about it and decided: Like the person who wrote them, the tercets don't really fit. Yet, they have meaning. So I'll leave them in...  [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-04-2001).] |
||
|
ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
coyote ... interesting read ... some of the rhymes are a little forced, but with your staccato-style phrases it seems to work ... the three line questions are seemingly parenthetical, as though you holding a private conversation as a sidebar to the piece ... maybe actually putting them in parentheses would help? ... nice work. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks mark, I took both your suggestions and changed a few things. "I hate quotes, they suck!" I.G. Norance [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-05-2001).] |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed reading your poem...James |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, James. |
||
|
Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
i adore this,can't get enuf of this style of poetry,you did a great job...i like the refernece to the lord of the flies in the last stanza,very interesting,good job!! sam i. am much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Very Powerful stuff here Billy I enjoyed it very much. Maree Love which is not always springing is always dying. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thank you, Swamp. It refers to a "nick-name" for one whose job it was, as a corpsman, to look into the body bags and try to identify the remains. Glad you can hear the buzz. Kanst du Deutsch gesprechen? Thanks, Maree. I'm exploring my "darker self". A very subjective piece. Parts of which are based on personal experiences, other parts on the experiences of others I have known, and some is pure conjecture, which I like to refer to as "poetic license". There is much "between the lines here" and "below the surface". Many military and religious references, and "dopplegangers". "I hate quotes, they suck!" I.G. Norance [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-05-2001).] |
||
|
Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
i think i also read somewhere that lord of the flies is also a nickname for pluto or hades,you know the lord of death,always thought it was an interesting term,but i didn't know about this other use,thank you for explaining,kinda gives the poem a different meaning. No i don't sprechen lol. You must be looking at my e-mail address,my mum speaks German and i have picked up bits here and there like "where's the bathroom?","Do you speak...."and "bad boy s*** his pants"(lol don't ask)but i'm no where NEAR fluent whatsoever. Great language though isn't it? |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Swamp, Thanks for the reply and your interest. My German isn't that good anymore either. I'm trying to learn more Spanish, for my grandson's sake. Sometimes though, the most "foreign language" is that which our officials speak. "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
Adamly Junior Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 11Canada |
I enjoyed the read. Found the poem a little dark and bleak but done very well nonetheless. Thanks for sharing In life things come and go. Live and die. Prosper and fall. But our love and poetry will always carry on. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Adamly. I'm thinking the style might be called: Bob Dylan meets Kidd Rock (If I "dare to compare". That's very dangerous in here you know?) Whaddaya think? lol Glad you took the time to read. "I hate quotes, they suck!" I.G. Norance [This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-06-2001).] |
||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I am a fan. This was quite impressive. I loved the format and the scheme of it all. The way you talked about the topic within the poem was amazing. I truly enjoyed this poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks, Javier. That means a lot coming from you. Glad you liked it.! "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
amyX Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32 |
the last verse it seems fun not to take away from the intention but i read it outloud (you should always do that) and the last little word play was appealing to me coooool. amyXX Victims, aren't we all? |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Amy, Thank you, for the kind comments. Glad you liked it. "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very powerful... This is an excellent poem, and I enjoyed reading it. I cant wait to read more from you. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thank you, Marie, for reading. I'm glad you liked it. "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Great writing here...I like the enmeshing of the images in this...more please Coyote..right here in Dark k???? Beg beg...lol  KAll obscurity starts with a danger: |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thank You so for reading, Kamla. I'll see what I can do. Although this one has taken nearly 30 years to surface. lol "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Yes, this is very good. I've been gone a while and missed this one. It deserves all the praise it has received. Excellent work again. |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Thanks again for reading, Mirror Man. I appreciate the comment. "I hate quotes, they suck!" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
