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Terryloveiris_85
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 61
The middle of nowhere

0 posted 2001-05-10 08:37 PM

I'm so fed up with life's cruel torture,
It's been pecking away at me for so long.
It eats away at my vital feelings,
It slowly makes worse all my terrible wrongs.
What i did right,
it takes away without a doubt.
It slowly drives me to the brink.
Of.................
INSANITY? may that be so but i will be cival.
In all my wrongfully accused affairs,
I think maybe I've oonly came out on top of...........
one? that's a terrible thought.
Only ever reaching one of your many goals.
Why can't I do this right? Why don't he love me?
These are only some of the many questions that pop!
Into my head, that's where they'd go.
They'd make me go crazy to the point of no cure.
No cure............... Another terrible thought..

i'd give eternity to be by your side-goo goo dolls/City of Angels soundtrack

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to p

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-05-11 08:40 AM

the format and style of this piece is very unique it made for a very interesting read. i look forward to reading more of your work

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-11 05:02 PM

I agree with Peter, the format was very unique. I especially like your use of pauses. It created a somewhat dark effect to the flow.
Very nice work.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-16 02:08 AM

Well done on the poem. I enjoyed it.
Quite the interesting style. Hope to see more of it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

4 posted 2001-05-16 04:58 AM

I totally loved the pause between Of and Insanity. That really made me take in a deep breath.

Good work.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

Silver Butterfly
Junior Member

since 2001-03-13

Posts 42
Between here and the end

5 posted 2001-05-16 02:46 PM

Not a bad post by any means, but one suggestion: change "Why don't he love me?" to "Why doesn't he love me?" It kind of disturbs up the flow. Good job
Ciao

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2001-05-16 02:51 PM

Great Job on the poem, well done, I enjoyed reading it and it has an interesting format

Marshal Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-21 09:00 PM

you've impressed me on this one. nees a little tuning, but still a very good write. keep it up

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-05-21 09:39 PM

interetsing poem...i liked the way u have written this...great job...and thanks for the read...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

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