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Open Poetry #12
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Shower Of Tears (Suggestions For A Better Title Needed)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Shower Of Tears (Suggestions For A Better Title Needed) |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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Shower Of Tears When night is dark, as is the day time's flesh etched scars never wash away, a heart lies closed 'pon the shower floor I've drowned the key and locked the door, pools of tears crawl on bare skin exhaling happiness, taking sorrow in, alone, shivering in stale abyss trapped in the memory of horrors reminisce, bleeding icicles, lost in drenched ache a bitter soul, does a tragedy make, flowing water never dulls the pain of deception and regret, intervals of unending refrain, life's honey is ever bitter, to escape - so very sweet my soul will never be dry, poured with tears of porcelain defeat, nothing left to love, nothing left to grasp caged by walls, a suitcase full of an ugly past, unable to rid my body of this dirty lie no matter how hard I scrub and cry, blackened tears fade into the shower's rain leaving me jaded, far from sane, unable to cleanse my soul complete pellets of prayers, unanswered, crash at my feet, surrounded by the sound of shattered dreams piercing cold skin with revolving streams, a body shrivelled, deformed with sores forced to lose, forevermore, misty waterfalls extinguish faith's flame the decay is imminent as I wallow in shame, destined to finish last, swimming against the current, yet, never to win hateful thoughts overtake, powerless, to calm the beast within, ears are flooded with this shrilling disease, hands cradle head, feeble, in the tangled ocean now weaved, losing consciousness in stifling air, feeding unsatisfied stigma, never to find the way back to myself, deep in the black hole of an enigma, for, mother mercy knows no reprieve, destroying the heart worn on skin's sleeve, terrified, confused 'neath this raging sea enveloped by madness...why Lord, why me? in swirling ghostly echoes, hope races down the drain as I, lie, sobbing, awash in pain, for, time's flesh etched scars never go away when night is dark to bruise the day *By Melissa Honeybee* *Special thanks to VAS for helping me polish my poem!* The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 01-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
my soul will never be dry poured with tears of porcelain defeat, nothing left to love, nothing left to grasp caged by these walls, a suitcase full of an ugly past, not able to rid my body of this dirty lie no matter how hard I scrub and cry, blackened tears fade into the shower's rain leaving me jaded, far from sane, unable to cleanse my soul complete pellets of prayers, unanswered, crash at my feet, ==================== for, time's flesh etched scars never go away when night is dark to bruise the day =================== my goodness Melis .. I dont even know what to say to such sadness and anquish ... which should tell you how well written and expressed this is... and the impact of those last lines is poetic perfection ... that last line is very cool as for a title .. the one youve chosen fits very well. excellent emotive writing dear poet as we write...we heal. take care jm When to the sessions of sweet silent thought, I summon up remembrance of things past ... I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought. ~Shakespeare~ |
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CrazyChick Member
since 2000-01-05
Posts 132 |
This is really great work....and I like the title too  |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Melissa~ WOW!! This is the most powerful write I've read in quite some time. The pain and sadness of it struck me to the core. I agree w/ what Jan says. When writing, we heal...so keep them coming my friend. This was wonderful, anguish and all. Take care. Amy "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* such pain and anguish tares at the soul. My heart goes out to you. Much love and hugs to you from me. The Title is perfect. Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams. http://www.voy.com/7622/ http://www.powerpoems.com |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
You have an extremely powerful piece here with some dynamite phrases. I have to say there are some tiny glitches that chip away from the power that if amended would send this one clear over the top! The vividness and poignancy is well worth the attention to some grammatical errors. Okay, I'm a teacher and I see these. But I only dare say them because this poem is so extremely worth fine tuning. I so very deeply mean it! You are a master with word-weaving! |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Thank you to everyone for reading this piece. I couldn't sleep last night and it just poured out of me from feelings that have been bottled up for years now. Janet and Amy are right, it does help me to heal.VAS-I'm glad that you cared enough to give me your honest opinion. If possible could you point out the glitches for me so that I could re-write this piece, because I do want this to flow smoothly with the correct grammer. Thanks! Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Melissa~ this is profoundly sad......you have expressed yourself very well, and I agree with your writing you can heal.......hugs to you -SEA |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Melissa what a write....well done sweetie, great job The title is perfect, I'd keep it~HUG~ Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Melissa, the pain and hurt here are very evident. . . Excellent writing. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Sea, Tracie and Sven-Thank you for reading this dark piece. It's good to know that I have fellow poets who will support me and understand the depth of my painful words. Take care, Melissa< !signature--> The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams [This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 01-20-2001).] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Melissa, this is very powerful, and I understand pain all too well. Take care. Sandra |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Catalina Moon-Thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry that you have experienced pain such as this Take care, Melissa The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
This was an incredibly descriptive and heart-wrenching piece Melissa. What an emotional and gripping read ... extremely well done! Best wishes and hugs to you, /Kit |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
WOW! Amazing…loved it! |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Melissa sweetie, I understand... My heart once beated in similarity one time... And I gotta tell ya the first poem I ever posted here was kinda like this one which I wrote about 8 months ago... It's true PoetFriend writing and openheart talks does heal inner wounds all in due time... Hugs2Usweetie4aBrilliantWrite from your heartNsoul *~coco~* |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Well, look who went and jumped to a new level of poetry. Melissa, this was one power-packed piece and with so much heart and pain in every line that I could feel your pain washing over the page. Now you once told me that the images and emotions in my works brought it to life.......NOW YOURS does. Excellent penning and I do hope it helped to release some of the pain from your heart. BTW.....Leave the title as is. If you find yourself stranded in a storm ...then reach for my hand and we will play in the puddles together |
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