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Open Poetry #11
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A Brisk October Day {Haiku- Renka}
| Open Poetry #11 |
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A Brisk October Day {Haiku- Renka} |
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KokoStewartKoomoa Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580Waikiki, Hawaii 
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 amber,red and gold a colorful tapestry carpets forest floor leaves hang gliding in the wind and sliding down poles delightful playground of trees rosy cheeked children laughter in the crisp fall air jump in crunchy piles © October 2000 Koko Stewart Koomoa (All rights reserved) Passion,imagination and intellect running together... Poetry in motion~~~ Aloha with warmest regards, Koko |
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| © Copyright 2000 Cheryl Stewart Koomoa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Oh, I LIKE! Indeed an October day. The only thing I don't care for is having to rake the leaves so the kids can jump in them. INclan |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Koko, Wonderful descriptive poem, capturing the beauty of fall, nice picture to compliment this work! Dennis :^) Moonbeams radiate When the veiling cloud has passed Playful shadows dance Dennis L. White :^) |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Wonderful expressions of nature's abundance of beauty....very enjoyable!! |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
really enjoyed this! the images you have described here brought a smile to my face. Autumn is one of my favorite seasons...thanks for sharing this! take care. ~amy~ |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
What a beautiful picture..and i love the playground of haikus..  ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
With the words you paint this scene the picture was not needed but it was enjoyed almost as much as your verse. Lovely write and so well done in the formatting. The flow was tremendous and the feeling of being placed there was very real and comforting. A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. author unknown |
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KokoStewartKoomoa Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580Waikiki, Hawaii |
Inclan Thanks for reading and your kind words Awww but those leaves are such fun!! hehehehe corn flakes..... Dennis thanks for you comments too. I enjoyed your haiku as well!!!! Et home, smiles.. I am glad ya liked this and thanks! Aimster- I love fall too and miss it in Hawai'i I had it for years in the mountains before living here. Thanks for reading and your kind words! Victoria_ Thanks for taking the time to read my poem. Yes it is truly a playground in the fall. smiles! Mark- Aloha and thanks for the comments. I am glad you enjoyed the graphic as well as the poem. I just learned to do those graphics so I am playing. LOL They do add visually for sure to inhance a text. I am glad my work can stand up without it however. smiles. thnaks for the compliment! Passion,imagination and intellect running together... Poetry in motion~~~ Aloha with warmest regards, Koko |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
*sigh* how incredibly beautiful you paint the scene with your words and the bless us with a picture to fill the senses. Thank you so very much. Much love to you from me. Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams. http://path2riches.com |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Beautiful! It reminds me of the trip my daughter and I made a little over 2 years ago. Such an awesome thing, autumn in New England. I do think I'd remove the 'and' in the 2nd stanza. IMHO it would strengthen the piece, please let me know what you think, though. Lovely piece, lovely photo! |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
KSK, the portrait you weave in words of rhyme leave me with fond memories of my home back east... Thank you for sharing this poem with us I enjoyed this read Coco |
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KokoStewartKoomoa Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580Waikiki, Hawaii |
Coco Startime and Vas, Thanks for the comments. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. VAS I don't see a way to change the "and" in the 2nd stanza. What word should replace it? It can't be dropped entirely without replacement as it is tanka form and a certain syllable structure to correctly complete it. Perhaps you might tell me what to sub "and " with....Thanks for caring to critique it!  Passion,imagination and intellect running together... Poetry in motion~~~ Aloha with warmest regards, Koko |
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