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Rainbow's Curve
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Rainbow's Curve |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines 
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Rainbow's Curve < !signature-->Standing at the waters edge Rhythms washing over me Suspending thoughts, suspending time Beautiful gifts, that come from sea. Clouds approaching, swift and dark Roaring sounds, unleashing winds Awakening thoughts, rewinding time Searching shelter, from nature's sins. All but gone, peace abounds Clearing skies, sun's shining light Reenter life, renewed, unscathed Thrown rainbow's curve, in it, delight. ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 11-03-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Wynter~ this is wonderful!  -SEA |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
well I can see you have been busy the past 5 days here. glad to see people getting brought in and adjusting well. here are just a few thoughts... in the third line, could you see about using suspending one time and finding another word the second? repetition can be overkill at times. it's a nice piece, though it seems a little too short. almost like instead of rewinding, we jumped to the last chapter of a novel. what you have here is good, but it still lacks that middle filling. it's like two slices of bread with no meat or p.b.&j. keep at this one and work a little more into it. describe how the wind moves. show us what the sins of nature are by taking us there. describe the sea as something more than just there. this will be an excellent piece with just a little more work on it. keep at it. "There were times in my life when I was going insane tryin to walk through the pain when I lost my grip and I hit the floor yeah I thought I cou |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Sea- I am glad you liked...*s ~Wynter |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
"well I can see you have been busy the past 5 days here. glad to see people getting brought in and adjusting well. here are just a few thoughts..." Busy? well I have been inspired greatly by others on here...*s "in the third line, could you see about using suspending one time and finding another word the second? repetition can be overkill at times." I do believe I used it twice for a reason here...but I could have used the word arrestingtime "it's a nice piece, though it seems a little too short. almost like instead of rewinding, we jumped to the last chapter of a novel." Actually I had a torrential downpour with the sun coming out and a rainbow forming so it was a brief storm..thus a brief poem...relating to the storm in my life at the time. "what you have here is good, but it still lacks that middle filling. it's like two slices of bread with no meat or p.b.&j. keep at this one and work a little more into it. describe how the wind moves. show us what the sins of nature are by taking us there. describe the sea as something more than just there. this will be an excellent piece with just a little more work on it. keep at it." I will think about it and work on making it more filling and eventually will repost or send to you. Thank you for taking the time to address me on this *smiling ~Wynter Bliss "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
A stunning view standing under the curve of that rainbow...beautiful weave Wynter~ |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Butterflies- thank you for winging past me today ~~smiling~~ ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
I felt the dark approaching and lo and behold you throw the curve...caught me off guard..thought another storm raging the heart...but the surprise...a rainbow. great little poem. put some smiles in that stormy day.< !signature--> Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox [This message has been edited by Ron K. Fox (edited 11-03-2000).] |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Perfection!! I love the visual and connection with storm, sea & rainbow. Absolutely beautiful. Marcy |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Rainbows happen in the briefest of time and can go as quickly as they arrived and I for one found this one to be perfect in both content and in length. Leaves wonderful images yet allows for us to enjoy individually as we all are apt to see the beauty of a rainbow in our own little way. Loved it much. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
I got to tell you...I REALLY enjoyed the freshness of this work..it gave me a lift.. good work for sure!! |
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peppermint35 Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1106Texas, USA |
I too thought the message and the delivery was wonderful...yes storms do pass quickly and then we have the rainbow...lovely, just lovely!!! Pepper "I honor the place in you, that when you are in that place, and I am in that place in me, we are in the same place" Ram Dass |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Wynter~ Suspended In the heartbeat of a *sigh* The rainbow dances across the sky We've but one moment to Kodak the colors bold before it's gone leaving a memory written in gold *You captured the moment PERFECTLY ! Applause heard here ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Brillance and beauty in every line .. excellent writing with wonderful presentation... creative and unique use of imagery to build the intensity of the emotions very cool write take care jm |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Ron- you put ~smiles in my "everyday"...thank you  Marcy- and I thank you for connecting to my words... Mark- I loved your Colorful response Ethome- good to see you again...has been awhile...someday I will e-mail you my thanks. freshness? just a bit of positiveness for a change.Pepper- words become more lovely when you read and have such a wonderful response. Marge- I love the *applause* and your colorful responses. huggz..they can cheer up the most sullen. Janet Marie- thank you for the beauty of your words. They are greatly appreciated.To all of you, my thanks. ~Wynter< !signature--> "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 11-04-2000).] |
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