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Passions in Poetry

Imprisoned By Guilt (repost from #6- revised) also my 1000th post

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Jeffrey Carter
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Member Elite
since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


0 posted 06-03-2000 12:48 AM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

Imprisoned By Guilt

I can't seem to find the words
to say just how I feel
The pain is ever growing
since they put you on that hill

I stop by to say I miss you
almost every day
I pray that God above will soon
take this hurt away

I can still see you lying there
among that crumpled heap
I wish that I could close my eyes
and this memory delete

It haunts me every waking hour
and in every wink of sleep
Ever losing grip on sanity
no longer mine to keep

I would give most anything
if I could rewrite history
Cause in my heart I know that you
should be here instead of me

In my cell, my private Hell
locked inside my head
If I hadn't had too much to drink
then you would not be dead

***********************

Been working on this to try and make it read better,Please tell me what you think
You can find the old version at this link http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum31/HTML/003548.html


 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep





[This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 06-03-2000).]
© Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


1 posted 06-03-2000 01:48 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

WOW!

The word powerful springs to mind...yep, you have definitely tightened it up and the format is much tidier - it suits it well.

Good job!

(Congrats on the posts btw   )

K
Eloise
Senior Member
since 11-27-1999
Posts 1115
Wyoming


2 posted 06-03-2000 01:52 AM       View Profile for Eloise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eloise

What a great poem.  Very well written.  I missed it the first time so I'm glad I got read it now.
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


3 posted 06-03-2000 11:51 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Jeffrey, To be honest I'd love to congradulate you on your 1000th, but i'm not sure its appropriate. The poem is perfect to me, the last verse right on. I'm happy for your 1000th, sad for the torment it tells.
I'd like to believe that some people are given the harder lessons in life, these people are the ones meant to change the world or atleast a part of it. If this poem be true, then to quiet the torment is to leave the cell and change the world.

peace Good Poet....

Parker
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


4 posted 06-03-2000 01:07 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Jeffery,
I would like to "ditto" Parkers sincere and wisdom filled reply...
(as my words would not be as eloquent)  
as I know how hard this lesson is to live with.
But I will indeed congratulate you on you 1000th post as in the short time you have been here you have shown SO much enthusiasim,
encouragement, and honesty in both your poetry and your many kind replies and challenges.
You are a poet and a lover of poetry.
thank you for sharing so much of your self with us.
take care poet-friend, jm


 There are places inside our souls ...
that have never been touched.
There are places inside our hearts ...
that need to be loved this much.
~Janet Marie~

"What the caterpillar calls the end ...
The world calls a butterfly"
~Lao Tze Tao~
~Butterflies are meant to be free~

brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


5 posted 06-03-2000 01:20 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

First of all Jeff, congratulations on your 1000th post. Secondly on another great poem.
Powerful, I would really love to have some advice to ease any pain you have but I don't,
I will just say take care of yourself, and there is still beauty in life and the past is as it is.
Thank you for sharing.  


 ------------------------
"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity"
Nicky Wire, A design for Life.

manic street preachers
"Rock 'n' roll is our epiphany
Culture, alienation, boredom and despair"
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


6 posted 06-03-2000 03:01 PM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose

Jeffrey:
We cannot rewrite history, but in all the history books in all the libraries, and all the shelves there is contained in one room more love, pain, sorrow, hope, and faith than in all the rooms of our hearts. In these rooms, we must never let the cobwebs of regret, woe, and unbearable conscious grow stale, but keep them fresh through our writings, letting in the sunlight on today, and then tomorrow and then onto the future. Poetry can be rewritten and beautifully so, and even though history cannot...it certainly can not be repeated.  

 Kathleen
indy31_99@yahoo.com

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 03-16-2000
Posts 5900
Lansing, MI USA


7 posted 06-03-2000 03:39 PM       View Profile for Lone Wolf   Email Lone Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lone Wolf

Jeffrey,

Congratulations on your 1000th post!!  Great job, my friend!!!     
Now, on to the poem....oh, how sad this was to read.  I think that you are here for a reason, just like the person who died is gone for a reason.  May not always make sense to us, but everything happens for some reason.  My heart goes out to you, Jeffrey.  Took amazing courage and guts to post this piece.  I am proud of you for that.  Very powerful poetry, m'friend.   I am always here for you, as you know.

Lone Wolf


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith
Jeffrey Carter
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since 04-08-2000
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State of constant confusion!


8 posted 06-04-2000 01:01 AM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

First I would like to say Thank you all for your kind words and for the congrats...I really love spending time at Passion's reading all the wonderful poetry

Second I must say that this poem is NOT from personal experience. I wrote this after reading a story in the local newspaper about a man that drove drunk and ended up killing his wife in an accident
After reading the story I couldn't help but wonder how it must feel to carry that kind of burden, and this is what came out.

 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


9 posted 06-04-2000 08:03 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Congratulations on your 1000th post Jeffrey!  What a powerful and heart-wrenching poem to signify the occassion.  I'm so grateful to read from your comment above, that it was not a personal rendering ... and what talent you have shown to be able to write as if it were. Absolutely tremendous writing.

Best wishes,
/Kit

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 06-04-2000).]
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


10 posted 06-04-2000 09:38 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Well Jeffrey, I'm glad you put that comment in there. I must now say, this was a stupendous job to convey such feeling and it not be about you. A grand poet you trully are.

Parker
LoveBug
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since 01-08-2000
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11 posted 06-04-2000 10:47 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

This is a good choise for your 1000th post, my friend. Drinking and driving is a terrible problem, and I'm glad that you brought attention to it. Your poem is extremely well-written and powerful. I really enjoyed it.

 "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
Jeffrey Carter
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12 posted 06-04-2000 05:52 PM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

Kit, Parker and LoveBug,

Thank you, thank you, thank you....This is my best effort as apoet in my opinion....was really hard to convey this point of view, especially considering that just a few years ago this could have very well been from personal experience. As I have said before I am a recovering alchoholic with 6 years of sobriety under my belt.

Again, TY for the wonderful comments

 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


13 posted 06-04-2000 06:42 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Well, Jeffrey, I had to gasp upon reading the last lines of this agonizing poem. the message was very poignantly presented and beautifully written. Congratulations on this fine piece and on your iooo.
Liz
mariee66
Senior Member
since 01-30-2000
Posts 621
Recess, OfYourMind


14 posted 06-04-2000 07:35 PM       View Profile for mariee66   Email mariee66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mariee66

Hi Jeffrey,
I don't remember this one from open #6...I'm just not able to get in here as often, so I probably missed it.  
Your emotions and point were nicely conveyed.  You did a great job on this one!
Marie~  
Jana Tovey
Member
since 05-30-2000
Posts 257
USA


15 posted 06-04-2000 07:58 PM       View Profile for Jana Tovey   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jana Tovey

Good insights into what people do without thought and how the result is something they can't leave behind or stop thinking about.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


16 posted 06-04-2000 09:53 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I'm relieved to know that this is not your personal experience. Excellent writing and congratulations on your 1,000 post!  

Denise
Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


17 posted 06-04-2000 10:06 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

CONGRADULATIONS JEFF!  i am goin to have you over for some Possum Pie and Grits!  LOL
You know I love ya!

Marina
Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 04-08-2000
Posts 2424
State of constant confusion!


18 posted 06-05-2000 02:10 AM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

Liz, Mariee, Jana and Denise,
Thank you for the sweet replies. I truly appreciate them  

Marina, mmm,mmm  sounds mightly delicious lol
Girl, you are a nut, but I still love ya'  

 All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


19 posted 06-05-2000 04:22 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Congratulations on post 1000....and I like this version better  
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


20 posted 06-05-2000 05:31 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

1000 posts!!! no kidding!!! CONGRATULATIONS friend.

by the way, lovely poem here, and after all I read after that and all words offered, I feel odd repeating the same words, so all I say is keep up the great work....

regards, sudhir

 Hey you, out there in the cold,
Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisle,
With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me?
Hey you, don't help them to bury the light.
Don't give in without a fight.
Hey you, out there on your own,
Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?
Hey you, with your ear against the wall,
Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me?
Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home....

by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall
Lorraine Nisbet
Member
since 05-18-2000
Posts 221
Jersey City, NJ USA


21 posted 06-05-2000 06:15 PM       View Profile for Lorraine Nisbet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lorraine Nisbet


Jeffrey~

Congratulations on your 6 years of sobriety.  I wish the rest of your years to be happily sober and without guilt. Congratulations again on your 1000th post.  
  
~Lorraine~              


 
A great poet is nothing more....than a discovered amateur

 
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