»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
Two lines
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
Two lines |
|
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
|
*This is a new style that I've decided to try, let me know what you think. We’re like two lines whose slopes are hardly different. Our hopes contradict science, -- we’ve met at one point and your line went higher, mine went lower. Thus is our fate,-- share a moment of bliss only once on the white graphing paper and say to each other the final “later” and diverge. Your line goes higher, mine goes lower... now I aspire to pull it up higher, but fail-- Freight trains stop when derailed. I cannot fight it, I go by the ruler!-- sad fate of the lines. I praise lunar eclipses, parabolas, ellipses. They can cross many times on their way. But if only we pull a little bit harder and longer, our lines just might start to come closer and closer and closer, until maybe... just maybe, we’ll start to feel the lines stretching and bending,-- nearer and nearer! Polar endings will meet and run towards the electrical outlet, -- as one long, symmetrical line. Defying the laws of motion and gravity, with pure emotion. [This message has been edited by Master (edited 06-12-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
ChibiDeathscythe Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 128 |
I liked it....the flow kept me reading 'til the end  |
||
|
mickel2995 Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 48 |
That was really good! I have never read anyhitng with a flow or rythym like that, I thought it was very interesting. In conclusion, I like it. Micale |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you both, it was fun trying this new style for the first time... I think I might continue to use it! |
||
|
Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Wow. I love everything you write, but I think this was probably one of your best. I really like this style, the rythym was really unique. It was awesome ."If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood" |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you Angel! I'm glad you liked it! |
||
|
Snickers Member
since 2000-05-25
Posts 88East Haddam, CT |
This was really neat! I liked the unique style, it's good to see something different. And your way with words, your intense elaboration is just magnificent! I'm impressed. ~<3 Alwayz~ **Nikki** |
||
|
mr0001 Junior Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 39 |
i love that style!! i've never really read anything quite like it! good job on the poem, you seem to have an incredible grasp for language and analogies..i can't wait to see more of your work  mr  "crazy" is just who you are...amplified. some people draw the outlines in life, i chose to add the color. |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Snickers, thank you for your kind comment, to tell you the truth usually my elaboration sucks, this is a rare one that came out good. mr0001, thank you for replying... This was a new style that I decided to try and I liked it. I'll try to write a couple of more in the same style... |
||
|
Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear master, you know that i'm a fan of your work, and though this isn't necessarily your best poetry as far as structure goes, it certainly lives up to my expectations of theme and interest level for your works... i see this as a modern compliment to one of my favorite poems "validiction: forbidding mourning" by john donne... this is sort of a mathematically updated, more modernly pessimistic version of that poem... i like it a lot... keep up the magnificent work... and to make a mixed mockery of another of our conversations and a common pop-culture phrase "may the muse be with you"... sincerely, a sad tomato you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you... |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
"And also with you..." (smile) Now I'm going to have to look up John Donne, I'm not familiar with his work... The idea for this one came when I read Brodsky, a russian poet whose style left me speechless... Thank you for your comments, I wish to see more of your work my friend. |
||
|
Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
I've never seen this style of writing before, and I doubt I could use it, but you seem to have mastered it in your first attempt. Kudos to you I would honestly like to say that you are of my favorite poets here at passions. Don't stop writing okay? And if you aren't an extremely famous and successful writer some day I will be greatly disappointed; the world will have missed out on a remarkable poet. Much Love Kandi ~*All that I have found in reason is reason just to not believe *~ ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ |
||
|
Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
(blushing)... (still blushing) "I could be modest and reject your praises But let's be honest I am the greatest" LOL (just kidding) I won't stop writing I promise you that, but you have to promise to stop lying to me. I'm not that great! But thank you anyway! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
