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I am a lonely stone (metaphor challenge).
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I am a lonely stone (metaphor challenge). |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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I am a lonely stone, an island like no man should be, some ships sail my bay and harbour on my beach. Yet visitors venture from than my edge, preferring to wander by my surface with little desire to penetrate my heart. Lovers run upon my skin, lonely hearts seek sanctuary Of another yet not one soul has ever dared to step within. Are they blind to my open arms, the river of my tears? The limestone cave where shadows disguise misery, nursing my wounded self. I long for a light to shine in this void. Sure some have come, stepped boldly within and pillaged and defiled my loving grace. I am insular, a heavenly gem persevered within my hard oyster shell. I can not survive beyond the bounds of my garden womb, if you want to love me then you must be prepared to step in. A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 07-05-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Is there such a thing as TOO many metaphors? Do we have to stick to one theme? Brian I ask this as you have several different 'kinds' here... |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Brian... LOVE it. Yes Sharon, there is such a thing as too amny metaphors, but I think that considering the nature of this challenge, this isn't necessarily a bad thing!  Tell me about extended metaphors... |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Hi Sharon, too many metaphors. Never. lol ok I guess there are I can't help the way I write. I am just obsessed with the visual. I have been told once or twice "tell don't show" but I come from a visual back ground, and see my poems as paintings using words instead of whatever art materials. thanks for your comments Thanks for your wonderful response Chris. I am in my needy for a relationship mood at the moment, it sucks being single. LOL, meeting people is not easy. Is the last comment directed at me? ("Tell me about extended metaphors") if so sorry I can't say much, you know I never really thought of alot of my images as metaphors until I started recieving comments about my use of metaphors in poems. I don't know how or why I write like this, just my style I guess. A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Bri... love this one... cant have too many metaphors when were describing our hearts... lots of imagery and emotion in this like the island and ship theme but then I dig sailors  LOLand poets and rock stars and ..ok I'll stop  Smile Bri-guy...for me...K? later-sweet-poet-gator jm What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly ~LaoTzeTao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hmmm... lol.... I like this a lot Brian, it is so emotive and passionate with what you are feeling. Wonderful! Thinking about the metaphor thing here... Your metaphors ebb and flow around the central one - of a stone. Therefore to me, the nature of the stone itself seems to change, and that could easily reflect the changes of a person...hence - you have layers of metaphor - which can be quite artful. 'For instance: 'I am a lonely stone, an island like/ No man should be, some ships sail my bay and harbour on my beach' suddenly the stone becomes a beach...an interesting transistion...and swift...yet it works I think, in that the images are linked. (One suggestion - I am not sure the No should be capitalised...) Oh I want to present a personal challenge to you Brian - when you say you can't help how you write - hehe...everyone has their own personal style and you have an AWESOME style...but anyone's style can be moulded, for the personal growth of writing. I write only Freeverse...and (errr...I was SUPPOSED to try and write a sonnet some time ago...and you know - I think I am going to get off my butt and do it...lol.) But that is an extreme, my focus here is that I think it is important to challenge yourself within your own style, to experiment and push your own limits. It is truly amazing what you can come up with.  K |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Brian You seem a natural all the way... imagery is your backyard business... and I like the way you come up with these vivid pictures... Lovely! Lovers run upon my skin, lonely hearts seek sanctuary Of another yet not one soul has ever dared to step within. Are they blind to my open arms, the river of my tears? I know that feeling very well... from one loner to another... cheers! and best wishes regards, sudhir |
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