How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Discussion
 pipTalk Lounge
 Smile of the Heart - Songwriting - Alt R
 1 2 3 4 5
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Ron   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Smile of the Heart - Songwriting - Alt Rock

  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-27-2001
Posts 4115
...in my boxers...


0 posted 11-01-2002 04:52 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

Hello Noah and I were talking, and we decided here would be a good place to venture for crituque/opinion of this alt rock/Pete Yorn style song. I'm just looking to see what you think, and improve. Thank you.


"Smile of the Heart"

Verse One:
Before you go baby,
before you go I wanted to tell you
I may not understand this love for you
but no, I do not regret.
It was inevitable I'd fall.
The thought you love in return
causes a smile of the heart

Chorus:
I've got a smile of the heart,
over you.
I may be losing you,
but I've got a smile of the heart
even without you.

Verse Two:
I can't comprehend the return, love,
the affections you send my way
as you walk through that door.
My wish is to wake up with
a bliss bliss bliss whiff of your hair.
It won't happen love, for our pairing
seems destines to always fall free

(Chorus)
I'll hide it away love, the passion for you.
That little, should I say large, corner
of this battered heart with your imprint,
dear ... dear, only you and I know about.
When the tears demand fuel, when
passion needs a leak, I'll have
and endless ... and endless supply.

(chorus)

Verse Four:
When I need a smile, love,
I need just think of you and it's
it's just unavoidable. The best to me
be only you, the owner of my love.
Every next day we exist and ever after
I'll look forward to you, even...
even if I'll never be able to touch
to touch
you
be able to tough, touch you.
My love.

(chorus)
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


1 posted 11-02-2002 01:34 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Hi, Titus
You already know I like this.
I have no clue how to critique a song,
but I do have a clue about what I like..lol.
I think this has the potential to be a beautiful song.
I love the 'feel' of it and the 'idea' of it.
I can't wait till I can hear it put to music.
Keep up the great writing, my friend.
Hugs,
~Vicky
PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-27-2001
Posts 4115
...in my boxers...


2 posted 11-03-2002 12:04 AM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

I agree, Vicky, when it's put to music, my vision for the song will be much more apperant. Thank you, by the way.

Sincerely,
Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
                       -Socrates

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


3 posted 11-03-2002 09:20 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Actually, any of the poetry forums would be appropriate for this, since you can easily ask for critiques on the lyric quality, as I have for some songs, or rather psalms, that I've posted in Spiritual.
PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 10-27-2001
Posts 4115
...in my boxers...


4 posted 11-04-2002 12:09 AM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

Would a moderator mind moving it there for me?

~Titus

"A life unexamined is not worth living."
                       -Socrates

Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


5 posted 11-04-2002 09:22 AM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Ok Titus. It's been move to the Pub. The new url is http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum39/HTML/001215.html

Alicat
PoetryIsLife will be notified of replies
  Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Discussion >> pipTalk Lounge >> Smile of the Heart - Songwriting - Alt R Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Not Available
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors