Thanks Ali, but I know you're gonna hate me for this...cause right now I don't like wqhat I'm going to say either... ...now here's the funny part, how can I smile saying this and yet feel so ripped apart inside...guess it's so easy to talk with your natural style and I'm a smiler, well, I am as a rule...heck, if a truck was coming towards me at 60mph, I'd say something like..."I feel for the poor driver, cause stupid me didn't get out of the way".. I just don't find it easy to really say I'm sad or that I know I'm sad but I also know my natural love of live will be back within a short time...hope that makes sense...but the subject matter here was not really about choice but more about things you can't or have no control over...ok...let me take a deep breath, count to 5 and say it...
I'm me, I'm made up of humour, sparkling eyes, and a body, but the body doesn't smile much, it's the way I see things that makes me smile...but I'm going to lose part of me in order to survive and although I hope that one day someone will care enough not to see a body but the smile it still affects me cause I know it will make me slightly different to the average person and I don't want to be any different...I want to be loved for me, not cause I'm a size 10 or because i have green eyes or long hair but because I'm loveable as we all are but the problem is I don't know how to handle the adjustment...I know if I was in a situation where a man said..."I have only one testicle, I would say "fine, what's the problem?"...but do others see women in the same way?...I know I don't make sense, and wanting to make sense doesn't make any difference, because I'm me and I know I see things differently...see, I can't even get this thought out in any coherent fashion..I'm hiding behind the thought that men are simplistic and they're not but it's scary and I'm scared....damn, that must have took about 100 words but I got there...finally!
Sorry Ali...it's not you, it's me..