Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
Liz, if you knew how I feel about women deep down inside you would be very, very pleased You are all wonderful (except for that troublemaker Whtdove) and the world would certainly be a poor place without you. What am I saying? There would BE no world without you!!!
Doreen, I'm glad you're a woman, too!
However, now that I have sucked up to all of you, let me say in the interest of harmony (and the chance to be a wiseass) that there are just a few things we guys wish you women knew. For example:
If you think you're fat, you may be, but don't ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can
find the perfect present, again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.
Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
Shopping is not a sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a
Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes
you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain
about having their boobs stared at.
Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from
reading the magazines.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out.
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.