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Passions in Poetry

I'm Glad I'm a Man....for WhtDove hehehe

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Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


0 posted 07-28-2000 03:17 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer


"I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't moan to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
And when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
Or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
To not have to sit. I can stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all *****y every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!"
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


1 posted 07-28-2000 03:39 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Christopher stares in admiration as 'Deer places his...err... neck... out on the line.

Mr. Balladeer, I will warn you that you should watch out for us sensitive guys who don't see women that way though...
Gossamerwings
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since 07-18-2000
Posts 210


2 posted 07-28-2000 03:44 PM       View Profile for Gossamerwings   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gossamerwings

This is cute.    
Bet you can guess how
many of us are going to
come in here and post the
one about 'I am glad I'm a woman'!

Actually balladeer,all us gals
are happy you are a man ,you'd be one ugly woman with that facial hair!
        

Gossamerwings  


[This message has been edited by Gossamerwings (edited 07-28-2000).]
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
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3 posted 07-28-2000 05:11 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I'll be back!  


[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 07-28-2000).]
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 07-28-2000 05:20 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Gotcha covered, Sharon!!!

RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


5 posted 07-28-2000 05:31 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

"I'll be back"?????? ....more a case of 'watch your back'....ROFL


I'm busy....LOL

HUSG
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


6 posted 07-28-2000 07:08 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

LMAO!!!    
I've come to plead my case.
I guess this is one of the reasons everyone calls me a tomboy!  

Diet foods are for the birds
I like my steak bloody
I don't whine about my breasts
Or ask if I'm getting too chubby

I'm not a light weight
I can pound the beer
I don't often get too wasted
And I DON'T shed s silly tear

Out of the shower and let my hair dry
As for my reflection I'm not that vain
If there's fun to be had I'm the first to stay
Even if it means standing out in the rain

My friends I don't stab, I treat them well
A ring I could really do with out
And as far as my diffeneces in the sack
Oh, who cares just make me shout!

Psycho, threaten, Kill? Oh Please
I'd rather sit in the snow feezin'
I don't feel threatened by every woman
Unless she's given me good reason

Ok, you got me.... I can't stand and pee
That is one thing that is not fair
But then again I get a small rest
When I sit on that porcelain chair

Football I love to watch in or out
Hockey is a great sport too.....
Immidiate pleasure is fine with me
As long as he knows what to do

Child birth is pain for sure
But it's well worth it all
Just goes to show us girl are tough
Tougher than you men with b***s!!!!

So far I don't get PMS
But a monthly bill I do pay
And of course you get paid more than us
Men need to take care of their balding and gray!



~Sheri

[This message has been edited by Irie (edited 07-28-2000).]
Poet deVine
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7 posted 07-28-2000 07:13 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Sheri!!! LOVE THIS!!!!      
Balladeer
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8 posted 07-28-2000 09:23 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Christopher....I understand. Your sensitivity is legendary  

gossamerwings...You've got that right! I'd make a lousy woman for sure with my knockknees and moustache! Wearing those nylons might be fun, though  

deVine one? Nan?...revenge is not an admirable trait, you know!!!

Rainbow...I think you're right, not to mention groin!!!

sheri...You are truly a man's woman!!!!! This is fantastic!! I bow graciously to your abilities and wit....I love it!!

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


9 posted 07-28-2000 10:48 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

~Splutter...choke~

The S O is lost for words in indignation...

nah, I'm not really - hear hear 'deer!

Unfortunately - most of that is pure truth...

NOT!

(I'm being a 'typical' woman - changing my mind...gotta a prob with that??)

K
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


10 posted 07-28-2000 11:10 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

LMAO deer!  I'll be back too!  Good one ya ol' snake  
StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 03-05-2000
Posts 696
Texas


11 posted 07-29-2000 12:49 AM       View Profile for StarrGazer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for StarrGazer

ROFLMAO!!! These are great ... can't wait to see what the others come up with... as for me ...I lost a bet over a pool game at the bar and I have to be NICE? (whats that) to the entire male species for a week!! LOL but I promise I didn't shed any tears over it... well ok ok  tears of laughter cuz I was laughin so hard at the idea... No male bashers anonymous for me this week hehe
Elizabeth Santos
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since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


12 posted 07-29-2000 08:11 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

I am so glad I am not a man
Iím not a fanatical wrestling fan
I donít get confused with a simple old plan
And I donít guzzle beer right out of a can

I am so happy that Iím not a ďheĒ
Or else I would only be thinking of me
And would miss out on so many others to see
Cause my ego would limit visibility

I am relieved that Iím not a male
Making a project of hammering a nail
Blind to instructions, and then when it fails
The Japanese products he loudly assails

I am so glad that Iím not a guy
Touting accomplishments up to the sky
Bragging of knowledge thatís simply a lie
While simply forgetting to zip up his fly
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


13 posted 07-29-2000 09:55 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Liz! Your poem is wonderful. LOL      
Kit McCallum
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since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


14 posted 07-29-2000 12:15 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Way to go Sheri and Liz!     

Now my dear Balladeer, I'm amazed ...
At your whimsical turn of a phrase ...
For you tease us with rhyme,
Such a taunt, such a crime,
I thought women were here to be praised!!!  


[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 07-29-2000).]
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


15 posted 07-29-2000 06:38 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Ok Deer! I thought about it  

It's best to be a woman
We don't whine when we are sick
We don't act like we're dying
When the needle gives a prick

We can birth in the morning
Be back home in the same day
And we don't blame things on PMS
When you have something to say

Men you need to stand up close
To the toilet when you pee
Cause it might just be shorter
Than your ego thinks it be

And though we may be seated
We at least don't have bad aim
We know our stuff goes in it
It's not running down the frame

We get up and do our job
We don't think we know it all
Not afraid to ask for help
Get the phone and make a call

We have no ego system
Says we're better than the rest
We don't walk around drooling
When we see a woman's chest

We don't grab and scratch and fart
In public we are polite
We don't sit and light our farts
Then squeal in pure delight

      So it's better to be a woman!

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
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16 posted 07-29-2000 07:44 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I'm afraid you're outnumbered 'deer!  
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


17 posted 07-29-2000 09:21 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Geez, you gals are so good you could almost be guys  

Good one, Liz!!!...and dovey...you little minx! Nice response! Hopefully you don't have to rely on just a needle for that pleasure  

Kit...I think everybody knows by my poetry and friendships that I worship women and admire them tremendously. It was Wht Dove!!! She started this thing out of pure meanness and, well, a guy's gotta respond and it appears I'm the only one at Passions judging by the way my fellow mankinders jumped in to my aid so.......but I love you all  
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


18 posted 07-29-2000 10:23 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Pure meaness? Now deer ya know us doves don't have a mean bone in our body!  

Chris I thought for sure would have something to say. He always does!    
Deer where's Toe when ya need em huh?  
Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


19 posted 07-29-2000 10:35 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Now Becca, I don't know what you mean! I'm a sensitive kind of guy, remember!   Anyway, I think Balladeer is handling himself marvellously! Never fear though, if I sense he's faltering, I'll be here to give him a hand!
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


20 posted 07-30-2000 09:50 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos


I said I'm glad I'm not a man
And that is surely true
But I'm a very avid fan
Of some things that men do

I may have been a little fast
With my slithering poet pen
The truth is I would hardly last
A moment without men

No matter what you think of us
Be kind in your remarks
For we may be the added plus
You need within your hearts

And I will calm my poet pen
The next time if I can
And Balladeer, of all the men
I'm glad that you're a man

Liz


doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


21 posted 07-30-2000 10:33 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

It sounds like that you have a personal problem!
Your verse is quite terse and your outlook quite solemn!
I'm GLAD you're a man and can pee in a can.....
but I think you might analyze your man game plan!
You're a man, that's for sure! There's no doubt about it!
But could you survive sans a woman? I doubt it!
I'm GLAD I'm a woman.... I don't HAVE to tote
a big bag of golf clubs or hog the remote!
I'm GLAD I'm a woman... and not so befuddled --
If I were a man, sir, my MIND would be muddled!
One day you are leaving, one day you are there!
You men are CONFUSING..... you live for a STARE
at a quick moving target who wears a short skirt!
Your obsession with sex makes your mind quite inert!
I don't call it "bonding" when hanging around
with a room full of guys without making a sound!
Nobody is talking, yet you are all there
with pretense connections of "friendships" and "care"!
I'm GLAD I'm a woman! It would be absurd
to pretend that we're friends without saying a word!
And I'm glad that I  don't feel a great obligation
to demonstrate hormones with acceleration!
I wouldn't try speeding through rush hour traffic
on the way to buy photos a tad pornographic!
I'm GLAD I'm a woman! I say what I'm thinking!
I don't smile at your face while behind you I'm winking
at some sweet young lady who happens to pass...
I'm GLAD I'm a woman! I do not pass gas!!!

So, Balladeer, sweetie, I write you these lines
to explain the Lord's thinking 'bout gender designs....
Enjoy, 'deer, your manhood! I hope that you do....
I'm GLAD I'm a woman! Perhaps I can too....

*wink*



Fishing is just a drinking excursion interrupted by water.
Golf is just a beautiful walk interrupted by a little white ball.- quotes from a friend of
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


22 posted 07-31-2000 07:16 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Liz, if you knew how I feel about women deep down inside you would be very, very pleased   You are all wonderful (except for that troublemaker Whtdove) and the world would certainly be a poor place without you. What am I saying? There would BE no world without you!!!

Doreen, I'm glad you're a woman, too!  


However, now that I have sucked up to all of you, let me say in the interest of harmony (and the chance to be a wiseass) that there are just a few things we guys wish you women knew. For example:

If you think you're fat, you may be, but don't ask us.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can
find the perfect present, again!

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a
calendar.

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Check your oil.

Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes
you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty
you are?

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not
both.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain
about having their boobs stared at.

Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from
reading the magazines.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out.

Any questions????  



In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


23 posted 07-31-2000 09:43 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Yep I do have a question! You expect us to believe this crap?  
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


24 posted 07-31-2000 09:47 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

ROFLMAO  

These are so damn funny my stomach hurts
from laughing so hard!  
But once again, most of them don't apply to me.
Must be why I find it all so amusing!
Hehehe!!!!



~Sheri

[This message has been edited by Irie (edited 07-31-2000).]
 
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