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Passions in Poetry

Concious

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Monk Frost I!
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since 06-15-2008
Posts 79


0 posted 03-08-2009 12:13 AM       View Profile for Monk Frost I!   Email Monk Frost I!   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Monk Frost I!

Concious are the very rich of plight
For they alone disperse it
Among those who care naught
Except for their own lot

© Copyright 2009 Terry Ridener - All Rights Reserved
stacylynn418
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since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
new york


1 posted 03-08-2009 01:01 AM       View Profile for stacylynn418   Email stacylynn418   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stacylynn418

i read a few of your poems.
i love how in such a few lines, you are always able to communicate any idea perfectly. they are all very well written, i like this one a lot.
keep it up
Alison
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2 posted 03-08-2009 03:04 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

quote:
Concious are the very rich of plight
For they alone disperse it
Among those who care naught
Except for their own lot


I'd clean up your meter a bit.  

I do have a question.  Are we to assume that "it" is money?  Also, what are you striving for with the brevity of your poetry?

Take care.

Alison
moonbeam
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3 posted 03-08-2009 05:24 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

At your age you should continue writing for it will get easier.
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


4 posted 03-08-2009 06:06 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

kid -

If you won't talk to people how are you gonna learn to improve your writing?

If you use your email account and paste this poem into a message box you can hit "spell check"

and discover misspelled words like "conscious" and if you wanted to express your understanding

Of the minds awareness it would be more syntatically correct  to say:

"Conscious is the richest of plights"
moonbeam
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5 posted 03-08-2009 06:35 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam


quote:
If you won't talk to people how are you gonna learn to improve your writing?


Perhaps that isn't the goal Turtle.  It may of course be perfect.

Or perhaps he is simply trying to drop these pithy pearls on the barren beaches of the collective consciousness that makes up what we call the web in an effort to leaven the aridity with the waters of wisdom.  

Or something.
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


6 posted 03-08-2009 06:51 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Monk,  you wrote 10 poems with five replies, six in a row with no replies. Why won’t you let us talk to

You ?
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


7 posted 03-08-2009 07:00 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

"or something"

moonbeam you and I agree.
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
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8 posted 03-08-2009 07:09 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Stacylynn418, you and I agree, not sure about Alison .

Alison
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9 posted 03-08-2009 10:50 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Chopsticks,

If you are asking if I agree that this "poetry" is good, I'll respond that I do not.  I think each piece that I have read is (what is that word my sister loves so much -- thinks) .. I think it is drivel.

Also, I think that MonkFrost ! does not really care what we think.
  
Alison
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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Harbor


10 posted 03-08-2009 11:27 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Alright Alison!

Glad to see you doing some honest critiques...lol

Drivel is a spitball that's hard to dribble....heh

Not up to me guys, but maybe it would be better to  move the discussion here:

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum28/HTML/002434.html


  

[This message has been edited by turtle (03-09-2009 02:17 AM).]

chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
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The US,


11 posted 03-09-2009 12:15 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

No Alison I wasn’t asking you if you thought his poetry was drivel. I was asking if we don’t talk to Monk why should Monk  talk to us’

Btw, to use the D word, that you heard from your sister ,about Monk’s  poetry, is to say the least .....

Turtle, you are right it is not up to you .

Alison
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12 posted 03-09-2009 01:27 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Chopsticks,

Don't make me guess what you mean.  I don't play the game well.  If you want to discuss this further with me, feel free to drop me a line.  

As far as moving the post, why bother?  We are spitting in the wind.

A
moonbeam
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13 posted 03-09-2009 06:11 AM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

quote:
Monk,  you wrote 10 poems with five replies, six in a row with no replies.

Nope, his tally is:

48 posts

46 "poems"

1 coherent but patronising and misleading reply.

1 hidden (from me) reply

This is either a carpet bombing bot, or a kid with a pocket full of silly epigram magnets, treating PiP as the fridge door.  Pretty soon the bot will run out of juice or get zapped by Darth Vader, or the corner store will run out of magnets hopefully   .
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


14 posted 03-09-2009 08:43 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“ 1 hidden (from me) reply ”

You are right Beamer and there are a couple hidden from me. Why do you and the shell call him a kid ? I would think more along the lines of a disgruntled  retired sailor living out his golden years at Snug Harbor.

It don’t bother me at all if he post a few on the ice box door. I don’t think it is sick humor.
It has been said many times before ~ He has a right to be here ~

Alison, I am positive he cares what we think .

Alison
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15 posted 03-09-2009 10:47 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

chopsticks,

For sake of conversation and out of total curiousity, what makes you positive?

Maybe he does, but why not respond to any of the CA or comments in other sections.  Is he posting for the joy of posting?  Is he enjoying getting a rise out of people?  Does he think his work should generate one-sided conversation?

I am not meaning to pick on the man, but it is odd to post here and then remain totally quiet to any thoughts that are shared about his work.  Isn't it?

So what makes you positive?  Consider the question respect for your opinion only.

As we may be going off subject, I again invite you to respond to me privately through my email.  Just click the little envelope icon under my response if you so choose.

Thank you, chopsticks.

Alison
chopsticks
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16 posted 03-09-2009 11:16 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“Does he think his work should generate one-sided conversation?”

I think I have answered that already. Six in a row without a reply and when we do reply it is to show off our stuff..

What makes me positive that he cares what we think.? It is part of the human make up to care what  we think, even in a negative way.

But, as the poet says, if you have to ask, you may never know.


Grinch
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since 12-31-2005
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Whoville


17 posted 03-12-2009 04:58 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


I enjoyed this.

.
moonbeam
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18 posted 03-12-2009 05:06 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

And I enjoyed your contribution Grinch
Monk Frost I! will be notified of replies
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